


The Mustang and the Panhandle

by orangegreet



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2020-05-01 20:16:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19184827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangegreet/pseuds/orangegreet
Summary: If she thought moving back to LA would be simple, she was wrong for many reasons. Her only family in the world, David and his wife Mary Margaret had picked up another lost boy in her absence. A fellow actor with David and a prospective client for Emma's personal training business, Killian had effectively pushed his way into her life and it seemed he wasn't interested in leaving it without a fight.





	1. The First Punch

It was only after he suffered the fourth blow to the head that the real regret began to set in. Prior to this particular hit, Killian remained as pleased with himself as ever—the ringing that started up in his left ear during the first and second blows, notwithstanding. 

The ringing he could handle. 

So the same with the slight bruising of the shins and ankles. A throbbing right flank as well—all managed just fine and with his dignity still in tact. 

The way Killian Jones saw it, it all came together as a modest offering to pay in return for the blonde he was currently entertaining on his veranda. The sun setting over Los Angeles in the background. The golden hour light reflected off the small waves in the otherwise clear blue of the pool water. It was the perfect day. 

He was finally in the presence of the scintillating Emma Swan. In all her vivacious energy and snappy remarks as she put him in his place about his (admittedly questionable) taste in pool side decor the second she saw it:

 

 _“Golden pineapple tiki torches and grass skirts around the bar stools. Where are we_ —Disney’s Polynesian Resort and Spa?” 

_He grinned at her and pushed his sunglasses into his hair, eyes squinting immediately in the harsh light of the late afternoon. “I intimate from your tone the comparison is a decidedly unfavorable one. However the connotation is lost on me, love. By all accounts, don’t you Americans simply adore the mouse and everything that empire represents?”_

_Emma turned her head away from him, her blonde braid falling between her shoulder blades as she began to group the bar stools closer to each other under the tiki roof, “You have a point there. I was never much of a princess-girl myself but as a woman I find their economic capitalism positively inspiring.”_

_The dry grass crunched and swished around the bar stools as Emma pulled the pool-side lounge chairs out of the way. She began crowding them under the bar as well, Killian stepping forward to help her lift them._

_“Not a princess—duly noted. But truthfully, I cannot take credit for pool-side ambiance we are currently enjoying. It came with the house, as did everything you have seen so far.”_

_“It came with the house? When did you move in?”_

_“Just under two weeks ago actually. Seems the previous owners found themselves in some financial and legal trouble—this house and all of the contents were up for sale and I happened to be in the market for a home with as sordid a history as my own.”_

_He threw a salacious wink at her as the last of the pool furniture was neatly arranged under the roof. She rolled her eyes at his grin and he continued._

_“I’ve yet to get around to treating the house with my own personal touch.”_

_“Oh thank God. Just walking through the place I got worried you were secretly a serial killer—what the hell is up with that lime green and electric purple living room? I thought I walked into the waiting room of a laser tag arena by mistake.” Killian barked a laugh._

_“I take it you have yet to see the bathroom off the kitchen?” She shook her head no._

_“The particular shade of orange mixes with the fluorescent overhead light turns your complexion a shade of orange I imagine you could only achieve from spending an overnight in the tanning bed.”_

_“Well since being back in LA for a month, I think I’ve probably met some women who would absolutely live in that room.” Killian smiled at her._

_“Ah, yes well I did not fare as well. I yelled the first time I went in because I saw myself in the mirror and thought someone had been hiding in there.” Emma laughed out loud as well._

_“As I said, I’m looking to redecorate myself but if you have any input to share, I am all ears, darling. Although, I’ve been assured by many women that the poolside accessories are nothing if not a mood setter.” He stepped closer to her, moving just into her space._

_“What do you say, love?” He brushed her hair behind her ear, “Care to escape on a tropical getaway with me without ever having to leave the yard?”_

_Emma leaned in close, eyes flicking from his eyes to his mouth as she did. His breathing quickened and as his focus locked onto her mouth as she whispered, “I wouldn’t take you up on that for all the Disney stock options in the world.”_

_The words just permeated his brain when he felt the swipe to his back right knee, his body landing in the soft grass with an involuntary humph from his mouth on impact._

_He groaned and she leaned over him, hands on her knees._

_“Lesson one. Distraction will make a fool of you. Do not become its victim.” She held out a tightly toned arm and pulled him to his feet._

_“Right. Down to business then. I like you.” Killian’s voice rasped when he spoke as he set about stretching his neck out gingerly._

_“Yes well I charge by the hour. Which, by the way, started ten minutes before I got here. When I have to drive over thirty minutes to get to a client—I begin charging. Your session started when I hit Silver Lake.” She was squatted down and riffling through the large black duffle she carted over her shoulder. Emma stacked several matte black pads in the grass next to the bag and sorted them into two smaller piles._

_“When you’re done stretching put those on. I want to start our assessment with some boxing. You said that’s the majority of your training background, right?” Killian stared at the pads for a moment before he blinked in realization, “Er yes. Well, sort of. I don’t know much about boxing for…sport.” He supplied the last word with a hint of reluctance, hand coming to rub behind his neck as it hung there._

_Emma didn’t look up as her arms seemed to disappear even further inside the duffle bag. “No problem. We can do a cursory refresher and then ramp up from a few combos into sparing. Sound good?”_

_“Erm, yes. Of course.” Killian assured her with a hopeful smile. Emma returned a half-hearted lift of her lips and began her own stretches._

 

And so it was a few minutes into their second round when Killian, dodging an attempted fifth punch to the head, lost his balance and landed flat on his back for the second time that day. 

Emma held out a hand which he took to get to his feet. 

“How long did you say it has been since your last sparring?” Emma asked breathless, a glove tucked under one arm so she could grip her water bottle. Killian’s chest heaved deep breaths as he squinted toward the sky thinking back, “Oh just around a couple years ago, I expect.” 

“Who taught you technique? Yours is complete shit—you only managed to block one jab in a basic three-jab sequence. That’s a day one boxing skill.”

Killian was now doubled over and laughed, “I was quite proud of that block myself. It once spared my handsome features from being marred by a black eye,” he paused to breathe deep again, “Liverpool supporter tried to serve me a good one after a demoralizing match against Chelsea back in 2017.” 

Emma returned a blank stare. 

“Football, Swan.” His breathing was finally evening out. 

She narrowed her glare. “You don’t have any boxing experience, do you?” 

Killian’s smile was sheepish, “Not so much boxing experience as your casual booze induced, bar-side brawl on occasion.” 

Emma groaned, “Killian, why didn’t you say something? You made it seem like this was what you were most comfortable with in a work-out regimen. This was time we could have spent trying to get an accurate gauge on your physical strengths and weaknesses.” 

She took off her other glove and started to remove her head padding, Killian followed suit.

“Apologies, Swan. Truthfully, I did not quite comprehend that the two would be very different, I meant no offense, love.” Killian followed suit removing his padding and stacking it. 

“Now,” He turned back to her, “Let’s get back to assessing my physical attributes. I’m quite invested in your reading.” 

She raised an unamused eyebrow at him. “How many push-ups can you do?” 

“Pardon?”

“Start with twenty-five. Count them out and watch your pacing to keep them even throughout the set. Once you hit twenty-five, take a thirty second break and then start a second set. When you start to slow, we will start adding in increments of five to test your limits.” 

Her tone brokered no negotiation and Killian after a few moments, Killian slowly lowered himself into the grass and began.

 

The afternoon dragged on, the push-up limit tested successfully to two sets of twenty-five in a row. He began to really slow half way through the third set. She suspected he pushed through to the full seventy-five as a way of offering penance for wasting the first twenty minutes of the session. She found herself impressed nonetheless. 

The back yard and patio area was nestled up on a hill. The cut of land was modest but still decent for running sprints. Emma knew from her training sessions with David that Killian could run six and seven minute miles on a consistent basis because he usually ran them against David. Emma still had him run some personal record-breaking sprints for the sake of her assessment, though she smirked when he asked why she wasn’t recording his times after the fourth round. 

Killian had just finished the last batch of calisthenics and promptly finished off his third water bottle refill before she called it. She tested his heart rate and then wrote the number on her notepad before closing it and throwing it in the bottom of her duffle bag. 

“Satisfied for the day, Swan?” He swaggered away from the table where their water bottles now stood empty next to each other. The sweat rolling down his neck slid easily over the sharp edges of his clavicle bones and disappeared into the concentration of dark hair on his chest. 

The t-shirt he wore that afternoon had lain crumpled in the grass since her request that he do a sixth sprint. The request resulted in a frustrated outburst, under-the-breath curses and the prompt discarding of the sweat drenched material. 

Killian stretched his back, folding forward and untying his shoes. “Care for a quick dip, love? You must be as hot as I am by now.” He quirked a sultry eyebrow in her direction and she smirked back. “I’ll pass but you can do you.” Shoes and socks removed, Killian took a running leap to cannonball into the deep end. Emma smoothly side-stepped the resulting splash as Killian resurfaced. His dark hair was plastered to his head and he dipped his head back into the water to smooth it back. Swimming to the edge he leveraged himself up with a grunt, “Can barely lift myself out of the bloody pool, Swan. Are you happy?” 

She laughed as she continued to put the furniture back in place. 

“I am actually. You worked hard today, Killian. You should be proud.” He rolled his pool-soaked body to stretch out in the grass, looking pleased with himself. 

“Aye. I should, shouldn’t I? It sounds to me like a round of celebratory drinks is in order. What do you say, Swan?” He rolled onto his side in the grass, propping his head up on his elbow.

“Hard pass.” She said without a beat. 

He frowned, “No drinks, then. How about a spot of food? There’s an excellent taco truck just a few miles away. Owner sets up shop in a gas station parking lot but I promise the chef is a prodigy.” 

Emma paused before answering, “That sounds great but I shouldn’t.”

“You have plans tonight then? I suppose you didn’t think to factor much time aside to slowly kill me with burpees. No problem. Perhaps after next session we can go, what do you say?”

Emma pulled at the end of her shirt a little, her back still to him. “It’s a little close to date territory don’t you think?” 

Killian scrunched his face and got to his feet, “You’re not wrong in the assertion that I would enjoy a date with you.” She was quiet and he put a hand on her shoulder, pausing her progress in the righting of the pool furniture. “You don’t have to do that, love. I’ll get it.” 

He stepped around her and began to move the furniture back in place quietly. Thoughts flitting through his mind and changing his expression rapidly as he did so. He pulled a towel from the cabinets behind the bar and began sponging the water off.

“I don’t mean to come on so strong, Emma.” He said finally. The towel cradled in his lap from where he sat on the bar. 

She scoffed. “Truthfully, love. I enjoy your humor and your company. Please excuse my haste and overtures, I simply mean to get to know you better.” 

This seemed to take Emma off guard, but her back was to him when she answered with a tough edge, “Yeah well don’t worry about that—seeing your specs from today, it’s looking like we are going to be spending plenty of time together.” She looked at him over her shoulder with a teasing smile on her lips.  
“You’ve got a long way to go before shooting begins in a few months.” 

He chortled in her direction, throwing the wet towel at her back. She laughed out loud and bent down to pick up. 

“Look Swan, I understand if you aren’t interested in a date right now. Is there a chance you would consider it in future?”

She laughed again, “Killian, I get that you’re new to this neighborhood but there are plenty of blondes with pulses in the Los Angeles area.” 

Killian rolled his eyes in exasperation, “Emma, if you think blonde and breathing is all I’m after, I question the accuracy of any of your assessment skills.” 

“Fine, you have slightly higher standards. Although any woman wooed by this decor,” she gestured to the pineapples and he grinned again, “probably does not score high on the brain cell count in my book.”

“Swan, Swan, Swan. If it will add to my good standing, I’ll replace the golden pineapples with a more austere pewter-cast fruit. How about an apple?” 

She laughed, “The point is, Killian, I’d like if we could agree to keep this professional, yeah?”

Killian sighed and hopped down from the bar. “As you wish, love. But can you at least tell me your reasoning?”

Emma sighed. A nervous hand tucking loose hairs behind her ear. “There are lots of reasons we aren’t going to date.” She said, turning her back to him to squat next to the pile of pads and the open duffle bag.

“Number one,” she tucked the black padding into the duffle bag, “I do not date clients. Or former clients or friends of clients. Two,” She rearranged the stack, hand digging deep into the bag to shift them from the bottom, “I do not date actors, models or actors slash models.” 

Killian threw his palms up to the side, “Come on, Swan. Don’t fault me for my passion—” 

“Three.” She continued pushing the corners under the lip of the nylon flap, “It’s none of your business but I am already with someone.” The whizzing of the large zipper punctuated the sentence and Killian looked noticeably deflated at last. 

Emma pushed against her knees to stand again and turned around to face him. Killian pulled himself up to full height in time to meet her face. He swaggered in her direction with her water bottle extended to her. 

“Well you do pose a challenge, I’ll give you that.” He chuckled. 

Emma sighed again, squinting into the distance. “Killian. We are about to be around each other a lot. Intensive training like this is going to be physically demanding and potentially dangerous for your body. In order to do my job well, you need to be able to be honest with me and trust me. If you are trying to get in my pants, this,” she gestured to equipment and then between the two of them, “is going to become all about your ego. It just won’t work.” 

Killian opened his mouth to interrupt but she cut him off. 

“Are we on the same page here? If not, this going to have to be both our first and last session.” She looked back at him, his expression strained as he gazed down at the grass for a few beats. 

She continued, “It’s not a big deal, you’ll get someone else to handle your training and I’ll find other clients to fill—“

“No no no.” He looked properly abashed for the first time since her arrival, “Emma, I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to treat you so unprofessionally. Although I will clarify that I am not attempting to simply get in your pants. When we met the other night…I thought—” Killian scratched behind his ear. 

“Well it’s unimportant. Just, please let me offer you a sincere apology. You are here to train me and I am paying you. Forgive me. I honestly haven’t been in this situation before, having an excess of money or the power that comes with it. I suppose that makes me the epitome of one of the entitled white male elite.” 

He scrunched up his face and pressed a palm over his eyes, muttering a fuck me under his breath and continued, “Of course I understand this is going to be an intense couple of months and it is my last wish to make you uncomfortable for the duration. I did not intend—“

Emma snorted and his eyes snapped to hers, “Something funny about this, Swan? I’m carving my chest open here. As apologies go—this one is exceptional.”

Emma threw her head back in a cackle, “I’m sorry, I know you’re serious. It’s just…you’re really laying it all out there.”

“You said you need honesty.” His hands flapped in the air in his own frustration and sincere confusion. 

“Yeah but you don’t have to prostrate yourself here.” She gave him a friendly jab to the bicep. “I just need to know we are on the same page about the trust required. 

“That way when we get to training and I do this,” her foot casually swept at his lower ankles, the move cost him a bit of his loping grace and he stumbled in place trying to correct his stance, “Ego is not involved. You hired me to train you and we’ve already been over lesson one. No distractions.” Emma smirked at him as he straightened and grinned back at her. 

“Worth every penny, it is.” Killian ran a hand through his hair, “We are on the same page, I assure you. Though, I hope it is not too much to ask for friendship?” 

Emma hesitated but Killian continued amused, “You’re so dramatic. You’re friends with David and Mary Margaret, this doesn’t need to be any different. If we are going to be spending this amount of time together to get me in shape for this part, I’d prefer some amount of familiarity and comfort. Particularly if you are going to be handing my ass to me on a regular basis.” 

Emma’s light chuckle lifted his spirits visibly and he smiled in triumph, “Friendship and trust. Surely we can handle that, Swan?” Her mouth twisted into a reluctant grin.

“Sure thing, Killian.” She hefted the bag onto her shoulder, “As training goes, this was a productive session. Once I review the notes from the assessment today, I’ll draft a weekly training schedule and long-term plan. Mary Margaret will look it over and create some basic nutrition and calorie intake guidelines. Those will be ready and sent to you by Thursday. If you like it, we sign a contract and begin to implement next Monday.”

Killian gestured to the still open glass doors moving into his living room. His hand hovered over the small of her back as he led her back to the front door. “Looking forward to Thursday then.” She threw him a half smile over her shoulder and walked toward the sensible sedan waiting in the driveway. 

After a couple attempts, the car engine turned over and she chanced one more glance toward the open front door where Killian stood leaning against the frame. His chest was still bare, as were his feet. His hair lay limp and drying around his ears.

Standing half-naked in the doorway of a modest (albeit creepy) LA mansion, she couldn’t help but see the sincere vulnerability in his request for friendship. That swagger he proudly wore all afternoon didn’t seem to surround him in that moment. 

The idling car sputtered a little and his eyes crinkled in a laugh as he called from the doorway, “You really should let me look at that, Swan.” 

“Screw you, I’ll fix it myself! Keep your hands away from my hood, Jones.”  
Emma watched the mirth playing across his features and a please smile graced her own mouth. He waved. With a nod of acknowledgement, she turned the wheel and pulled down the hill toward the street.


	2. The Interloper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which both fantasy and harsh reality come into play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, mistakes are mine. 
> 
> M rated scene between an unintended pairing. 
> 
> Feel free to skip it, it a cringe-worthy kind of unsexy.

The edge of the dresser cut into the backs of her thighs. The varnished surface was holding her skin in place with a light layer of sticky heat and she winced at the pinch. 

August slowed his hips and leaned back out of her space to look at her. Her silence must have tipped him off. Heavy lidded eyes met her own and his large hands stroked down the underside of her thighs. 

The faint buzzing in her ears intensified. Body heat between them permeated the air and fortified the already strong smell of bourbon that surrounded their mouths. 

Emma squeezed her eyes closed, head tipping back as she picked her legs up to wrap higher around his waist. His eyes slammed shut at the sudden depth. 

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him close to perch her chin on his collar bone. Behind August, their stark naked bodies were reflected in the mirror back at her. Emma felt a scrape of teeth against her neck accompanied by his labored breathing. 

The effort August was putting in was admirable, but her mind felt limp. Despite the elevated state of her being, hovering in that sweet spot just below the drunk threshold, she was unable to engage with the pleasure. She felt her eyes go glassy. 

In her head she recalled the labored breathing of another. Imagining the wet heat she felt right now belonging to someone else made her own eyes slam shut. 

In her mind’s eye Emma watched Killian’s chest rise and fall with deep breaths and remembered the trail of sweat and pool water clinging to his skin. She watched the muscles of his back ripple under his skin when he moved.

His voice called to her, simultaneously speaking in either ear as he said her name over and over. She let his voice fill up her head like an amphitheater, echoing. 

Emma heard herself moan, August’s pace slowed at the sound to transition into long deep thrusts. 

“Fuck. Yes.” He said. 

August hummed, pushing in and pulling himself back out. “So good. Just…a little—“ He pushed in again, a little less deep now. Emma’s eyes opened, seeing her own confusion reflected back at her in the mirror. He pulled out. When he went to push back in they both felt as his cock missed the mark, bending against her pubic bone. 

Emma’s hiss mixed with his grunted curse. 

She looked down and between them saw his penis rapidly shrinking. He groaned in exasperation as his hand gripped his penis trying to stroke it back to life. 

“Fuck. Come on,” August whispered. He tipped his head back toward the ceiling and let Emma run her hands over his shoulders at a soothing pace for a moment. 

“I’ve got whiskey dick.” He said finally. 

Emma let her forehead fall forward to his shoulder, “No shit.” 

“No no no,” he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and gently pulled her back to look at him. August wore a lazy smile, “I’m sorry. I’ve had a bit today. But listen, this doesn’t keep me from engaging in other activities.” 

And with that he dropped with a thump to his knees, throwing her legs over his shoulders. Clumsy swipes of his tongue licked through her folds and Emma felt her mind close off from the pleasure again. 

It left her feeling wet. Wet like being in a hot car in the summertime with a muggy heat between her legs. Wet to the point that she contemplated nudging him toward the bed and leaving to finish herself in the bath. 

The room was dark and once again she met her own stare in the mirror across from them.  
His brown hair looked darker in the light and she watched his whole body moving, pouring himself into the act. 

Emma closed her eyes as she remembered the sultry smooth smile from just days before, threading her fingers into the brown hair. Blue eyes gazed evenly at her, his image coming easier to her now. 

Her breathing grew heavy and he smirked but his gaze didn’t waver. 

With the ministrations below, her already elevated state of mind felt like it was blowing up like a balloon. The dizziness increased with the swipe of his tongue to her clit, the image of Killian’s sure hands cradling her thighs. She thought she might float up to the ceiling. 

_That’s it, love._ The voice accompanied the soft buzz in her ears.

 _Take what you need._ Her whimper almost drowned him out. 

_Let me give it to you. Tell me this is what you want._ An involuntary moan followed. 

When she came her fingers tightened their grip in his hair and August groaned. Slowly she relaxed, her orgasm gliding into his mouth as he worked her through it. One more swipe of his tongue to clean her up and then he fell onto his side with a huff of air. 

“I…cannot…not sleep now.” He said. 

Emma breathed out a laugh as she looked at him naked on the floor. He was a very handsome man. Strong, masculine and absolutely desirable. Emma looked at him and felt a twinge inside. 

August was a good companion to have around. He kept things simple. They were an easy couple. Both individually nomadic and equally undemanding of the other. Mary Margaret called them flighty. Maybe it should have made Emma mad but she passed it off with a shrug when it was said.

 

As the blood flow returned to her brain, her thoughts seemed to sober her. Killian was circulating in her head again and Emma felt herself beginning to redden. Flashes of heat were stealing over her and she recognized her own shame rising up from her stomach.

She hopped down from the dresser and added a breathless, “I’m going to run to the bathroom,” to August’s limp form. He waved a vague hand.

Emma hurried into the bathroom, leaning against the closed door until it latched.  
The noise in her head was getting louder. She turned the faucet over the tub all the way to hot letting the sound of the gushing water compete with it. 

She used the bathroom and then sat on the closed lid of the toilet waiting for the water to get deep enough. 

Laying out in the water, Emma's breaths become deep, her heart rate finally slowing. 

This wasn’t the first night she had thought about him. She knew she was attracted to him but she dismissed it as crush. Tonight he was playing the starring role in her efforts to reach completion. 

That is a problem. 

Emma sunk herself a little deeper in the water. Her muscles started to relax as she let herself process. This whole Killian thing did not mean much now she was thinking about it.

Scrubbing a washcloth over her face, she began her own personal deposition of the case. 

_Was she attracted to Killian?_ Yes.  
_Was she attracted to August?_ Yes.  
_Is that okay and perfectly normal to happen?_ Yes. People get crushes all the time. They do not have to mean anything. It is more strange if you pretend like you will never be attracted to anyone else ever. 

_Fantasizing about Killian: Where do we stand there?_ No. Too far, cannot happen again. He is a client. It is completely unfair to August. He is a client. You need this money. 

Rule one: Distraction will make a fool of you. Do not become its victim. 

_Did the fantasy mean anything?_ …No. You have a crush. It’s perfectly understandable to want to cross that boundary but if you had been sober, you wouldn’t have—you have more sense than that. 

_Verdict?_ Jesus, leave it alone. It is absolutely not a big deal and you ruminating is blowing it out of proportion. Don’t do it again, he is a client. 

Act like a professional, bitch. Otherwise, stop overthinking it. 

Emma sighed in relief and submerged herself in the water completely. When she got out her skin felt fresh and soft and completely clean. 

 

 

“Knock-knock,” Emma called as she toed open the front door. “I’ve come bearing gifts from Mary Margaret.” She cleared the foyer and peaked around the boxes stacked in her hands. The first and only other time she was here, Emma did not let herself look around much. That curiosity about rich people’s homes was alive and well but part of her boundaries with clients meant staying out of their business and keeping her opinions to herself. 

“What the hell are you doing up there, Jones?” 

Killian grinned down on her from his perch on the ladder. He stood halfway up the wall of his two story living room, white paint speckled his face and arms and the dirty work clothes he was wearing. 

The lime green and electric plum walls were halfway through a transformation. It was working. The bottom half of the two story room was slightly more livable with the white primer subduing the bright colors. Killian was in the middle of the first coat on the top half of the room. 

The metal ladder looked long enough to belong on the roof of a fire truck and Killian still had to use a pole to get the roller to reach the ceiling. His reach stretched him precariously and Emma couldn’t keep the words in her mouth, “Killian, seriously do you have a death wish? You don’t even have anyone spotting you.”

“Swan, your chief complaint last week was the decorating choices I inherited with this house. I believe you thought I might be, and I quote, ‘a serial killer’ when you saw it.” Gingerly, Killian lowered the paint roller and pole to rest on the tarp on the floor and began to descend. 

“Yeah, but what the hell are you doing painting a two story room by yourself? Aren’t you supposed to be rich? Just pay someone.” Emma set the boxes on tarp at her feet and put her hands on her hips as he sauntered toward her. 

“Yes, well I heard doing things for yourself builds character and I happen to be rolling in time right now.” 

He walked toward the kitchen and she followed, “You are such an idiot. You are on the verge of completely blowing this part. You get hurt, no more lead role.” 

Killian opened his mouth to speak but she cut it off, “Oh and it goes without saying: you lose the part, you lose your life—Regina will kill you.” 

Killian looked supremely annoyed. “Very well, Swan. You win.”

“You’ll hire out for that mess?” 

“I will.” A mischievous grin stole over his face, “Say, Emma would you like to make a little extra money? A friend advised I have a spotter to hold the ladder while I paint my two story living room. What do you say?” 

Emma struggled to suppress her smile. She heaved a sigh, “You leave me no choice. I’ll call Regina.” 

Killian growled. “You wouldn’t.” 

Her phone was in her hand, “Oh yes I would. How do you think she found out about David’s recreational field hockey team?”

Killian lunged at her and she just barely danced out of reach. He growled again and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I cannot comment on whatever sibling antics you and Dave get into. In fact, I applaud you, that field hockey team would have been a nightmare. That man would have been pulverized.” He clutched the counter, taking a slow step toward her.

“However, as your _friend_ I will not let you tattle on me like a child.” 

Emma’s eyes searched his face and she put the phone on the counter, stepping toward him and away from it. His shoulders relaxed.

“Killian. If you get hurt, you will lose this part. I don’t want to see that happen.” 

She rolled her eyes and continued, “Not to mention, I will be down a client—a very needy client, but good money all the same.” 

He smiled a small smile at her and then looked back down at his hands, not saying anything.

“You can handle any other normal sized rooms. Paint to your hearts content. However, let’s leave the room that requires a twenty-five foot ladder to the professionals with the right equipment.” She said.

Killian lifted her eyes to her face. He opened his mouth to say something and closed it again with a nod. “Aye. You’re right, I know you are right. I’ll do that.” 

He brushed past her and back into the open living room. He shouted back, “Why did Mary Margaret send me bird food?” The grunt was audible and she heard him shuffling back into the kitchen to put the boxes on the counter.

“This is why I’m here early. Mary Margaret was supposed to come by this week but she got caught up closing out with another client so she sent the stuff with me.” 

Emma peaked into the top box, “Right. So these are all the ingredients you will need for…” She opened the bottom box and pulled out a binder, “the recipes MM threw together for your meal plan.” 

Killian lifted the binder, “She does love her label maker, no?” Emma laughed, inspecting the cover which was adorned with several neat white lines:

**Killian Jones**  
**Meal Plan and Recipe Guide**  
**Nutrition Guidelines**  
**Metrics and Goals**  
**Portion Sizes and Preserving Left Overs**

“Yeah, David was not too jazzed about that gift. It was one my better brainwaves—it brings her so much joy.” Emma unpacked the rest of the ingredients and a couple tupperware containers onto the counter. 

“Now, MM will be by next week to run through this with you more in-depth but I’ll take a shot at it to get you started.” Killian hopped up on counter and opened the tupperware in his lap. 

“You elected the most basic package which means Mary Margaret will draft your meal plans, recipe and nutrition rubric but you will do the heavy lifting and cook every meal yourself. She’s included the specialty ingredients here. 

“These you would probably have to order online but she wanted you to be able to start as soon as possible. Those,” Killian had an energy ball halfway to his mouth and Emma took it from his hand, placing it back in the open tupperware container. She secured the lid, “are for after training. They are complimentary this week but starting next week you are on your own with snacks.” 

“This is quite the thorough operation you have here, Swan. It’s impressive.” Killian leaned back on his hands. 

Emma blushed. “Thank you. It…took a long time to get here but I’m really happy with it.” 

Killian beamed at her. “Are you blushing at my compliment, Emma?” 

She scowled. “Go get changed, will you? You’re on the clock now and you’re going to hate me by the time this session is over.” 

Killian shivered theatrically, still grinning. “Goodness, love. I revel in your sweet commands.” He gave her bicep a squeeze as he passed, “Back in a tick, make yourself at home.”

Emma glanced around the outdated kitchen. The countertops were a shade of pale yellow, and the cabinets had been painted a sad shade of brown. The walls were a continuation of the plum from the living room but, fortunately, Killian had already reached some of this room with his primer. The top of the walls were bordered in a strip of wallpaper. The pattern a mixture of paisley and fruit that clearly haled from the early nineties. 

“What the hell is up with this place and how the hell is it in LA.” Emma muttered under her breath. She exited the kitchen and went back to her car to get her equipment.


	3. The Dinner Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our friends and family get a little more comfortable, open and opinionated with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, mistakes are mine.  
> No more M rated scenes outside intended pairings. 
> 
> Promise.

Killian kept his hand on the gear shifter, hesitating between third and fourth gear. “Let’s clear this curve and then see how she does,” David said from the passenger seat. 

As he cut the corner, the Mustang tail whipped the slightest bit before the road straightened out. Killian clamped in the clutch with his foot and jiggled the shaft trying to settle it into fourth. 

The metallic grinding vibrated the entire front half of the car in protest. Killian muttered under his breath, talking to the car as he tried to ease it back down into third, “Woah now. Calm down, calm down, we’ll get you put right.” The ominous vibrating graduated to bone-rattling shakes as he struggled to bring down the speed gradually. 

David was surprisingly silent through the entire process. Once the car resumed third gear and the engine returned to an idle tap he said, “I told you gear shifter would be shot.” 

Killian rolled his eyes but didn’t bother to restrain the hard punch to his passenger’s left thigh. David grunted and Killian laughed, the small act of aggression seeming to relieve his annoyance. 

“You’re a right git. Honestly, you’re just like my brother. I agreed with you, the gear shifter would need work but _now that I’ve taken her out,_ I have a better idea what needs doing.” 

“Yeah and you risked blowing us up in these damn hills just to figure it out.” David said.

“I say we take her home and give her some time to cool off,” Killian said, ignoring him. “We can pop the hood give it a closer look after supper. What are you doing for dinner? I’d love you and the little lady to come have a tour of the place.” 

David pulled out his phone, moving it around and looking for a signal, “I’ll have to call Mary Margaret when we get back in range—I feel like there is something going on tonight but that sounds great.”

Killian checked for oncoming traffic before and behind them and then whipped the mustang around in a tight U-turn. It was meant to be tight anyway but the front wheels locked a few degrees shy of full range and the resulting tail whip almost sent them backward down the ridge. Killian straightened the wheel, gunning the gas just in time to squeak the car out of a certainly doomed trajectory. 

“What the fuck, Killian!” David screamed at him white-knuckling the frame of the open window and the edge of the seat between his legs. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_ Killian whispered to himself as he tried to ease them back into a safe speed for the second time in as many minutes. 

When the car was at rights, Killian barked out a laugh through his heavy breaths. “Oh-ho. Sorry about that, mate. I sincerely had not thought to check the turn radius before taking her out. But think of it this way—now we know it will need some adjusting too, won’t it?” His grin was borderline obnoxious as he met David’s glower.

David followed this up by returning a hard punch to Killian’s thigh. Killian hissed long and hard under his breath and his face contorted into a dramatic grimace from the pain. Dave relaxed into a smirk, “Oh that’s right, you started your sessions with Emma. Feeling a little extra tender, huh? I told you she doesn’t dick around—she’s the real deal.” 

“Doesn’t dick around indeed. I made right ass of myself off the bat and well…let’s just say the resulting drills have made me sorry I’m not currently an amputee.”

David laughed, “No kidding. There have been a handful of sessions where I pissed her off. I’m still not sure if I was supposed to survive one of them. 

“We were trail running in these woods and she kept leading us uphill. The pace she set was faster than I would even run flat. My heart rate spiked so high that I finally passed out. Emma had to pull me to the side of the trail and wait for it to come back down before we could move again.” 

Killian quirked a brow in amusement. “That was years ago now, before she moved away—lucky for you, she’s actually licensed now and everything.” David winked at him and continued, “Now when I piss her off she just makes me do more pushups and and wall sits. The next day is always brutal but at least I don’t fear for my life anymore.” 

They came down out of the hills and David picked up his phone to call Mary Margaret. When it went straight to voicemail he began drafting a text and almost immediately got one back.

**Cooking now.**

David groaned. “She’s already started cooking this early which means she’s probably recipe testing which means whatever it is she is making is probably made exclusively with seeds, nuts and whatever weird vegetable she found at the market this week.”

“Really Dave, you’re married to a chef and nutritionist. She does basically all of the cooking and you never have to worry about ruining that lovely physique when the time comes to shop for a new role.” 

David batted his eyelashes coquettishly at Killian who returned a dead pan stare, “I’ve no pity for you, mate.” 

“Bite me. I had my heart set on red meat.” David looked at Killian, “You want to come to our house instead?”

“If the lady of the house doesn’t have any objections then I will happily eat her food.”

David tapped out a text and they rolled their way toward the Nolan house. When they arrived, David threw a puzzled glance at the number of cars in the driveway but didn’t say anything. 

Inside the sprawling white mansion, music was blasting from the speakers mounted in the corner of every room in the house. The synthesized pop beat giving Killian and David a rhythm to dance to as they worked their way to the kitchen. 

Killian called out, “Watch out Mary Margaret, Dave’s got into this head that he’s a good dancer and not an embarrassing prat. He’s performing moves that could cost him your hand in marriage.” 

Mary Margaret peaked her head around the corner just in time to collide with David’s hips scooting in her direction by way of small leaping hops that managed to land just barely off the beat every time. She squealed a laugh as he chased her further into the kitchen and Killian rounded the corner, coming face to face with Emma.

“Swan! What I coincidence. I was just cursing your name for the pain I’ve endured these past few days.” Her arms crossed over her chest and Killian leaned into her space, “I’m feeling muscles I didn’t realize existed. For that I have you to thank.” Her answering smile glowed with pride.

“If you were that sore, you were more out of shape than you led me to believe. Gonna have to pin that blame back on you, Champ.” He ran his tongue over his teeth, a threatening grin gracing his face. She jabbed him in the stomach and made a quick retreat out of his reach even as he half-heartedly lunged after her.

“Are you staying for dinner, Killian?” Mary Margaret asked. David was inspecting the contents of the pot on the stove she was stirring, his nose scrunched. 

“Only if you will have me, my dear.” Killian said. He looked out the back of the kitchen that led to the patio and saw the shadows of a few other people through the frosted glass. David kissed his wife on the head and followed the voices outside.

“Of course! You know Emma, obviously. Regina is outside right now, she came by to drop off a script and now I think she will stay. Emma and David’s high school friend Ruby is in town visiting and—” Mary Margaret looked around to Emma, “Where is August?” 

Emma paused mid-bite, a chip half hanging out of her mouth while both her hands were busy trying to tame her hair into a ponytail. She shrugged, the chip almost falling from her mouth. Mary Margaret looked briefly annoyed but didn’t press it, “Anyway, we would love if you would stay, Killian. It’s an impromptu dinner party—the more the merrier.” 

“Wonderful. Put me to work then.” Killian walked to the pantry in the kitchen, pulling out the apron hanging on the inside of the door. It was Mary Margaret’s old apron, a plain white one. The chef herself donned a chic black linen apron that Killian gifted to her the Christmas before. 

Mary Margaret beamed with pride when she saw the old white one and promptly set about directed Killian on the components of the vegetable platter. The hostess excused herself out to the patio carrying bottles of wine and a wine tool. 

Emma stood at the counter with a curious look on her face as she watched Killian chop carrots. 

“Let’s hear it then, Swan.” Killian said, eyes on his task.

“I didn’t say anything.” She laughed.

“Whatever the judgmental comment it is that’s rolling around your mind right now. Just say it. I can practically hear you thinking it.” 

Emma feigned offense, “How you could think—Killian, I have nothing but sweet thoughts toward you. You are a client, you are best friends with David. How you could think—“ Killian gently set the knife onto the cutting board, lifting his eyes to meet her gaze. 

“It’s just, Mary Margaret is such a tiny person, I don’t understand how it’s possible.” He studied her face as she lost the struggle to contain her laughter. 

“How what is possible?” He asked slowly, eyes narrowed.

“She’s just so tiny, how is it possible to be shoved that far up—“ Killian cut her off with a carrot to the face and shared an evil grin in her direction. His nostrils flared over a menacing grin as he held himself back from saying a word. 

Emma burst into laughter, “I’m sorry, it’s just…weird. I leave for a couple years and when I come back, well,” she gestured at him, voice muffled from the carrot she is crunching, “you’re here now. I guess you’re here a lot by the looks of it,” she gestured at his apron with her carrot, “It’s strange.” 

A contemplative look comes over Killian and he resumes his chopping, “Strange? Strange as in, it bothers you?”

“Uh. It’s just—I’m…surprised. I know it sounds selfish but I just didn’t think about the fact that they would take in other people the way they took me in.” Emma zoned out watching him begin to cut the cucumbers into sticks to match the carrots. 

Killian reached for the serving platter and wordlessly handed it to Emma. She began stacking the carrots in a pile and picking up the cucumbers as Killian finished chopping. 

After a moment of silence Killian said softly, “You didn’t answer.” She huffed in annoyance.

“No. Not really anyway. Maybe I just feel…territorial.” Killian considered this with a nod of his head.

“I would too. If I were you.” 

He gives her a half smile and she returns it, cheeks blushing. He pushed the rest of the cucumbers her way, his eyes falling to the platter. 

“What hideous work have you unleashed on this platter, Swan?” 

“Hideous?” She looks at the platter mystified.

“I take to the time to chop the vegetables in perfect pieces and you just toss them in a pile like a haystack.” He shoos her hands away, “It’s clear Dave got the share of the artistic genes in your family.” 

She leveled an amused glare at him and he raised his hands in defense, doing little to cover his own smile, “I know, I know. You’re adopted. Inappropriate joke. This is simply me letting you know you could stand to learn a little something from Mary Margaret.” 

She breathes out a reluctant laugh and tries to suppress her smile, “Wow. You are just about the worst replacement for me I could have ever dreamed up.” 

“You think so? Truthfully, I think it makes a lot of sense. We have more in common than you know, I’d wager.” He winks at her. 

“Doubtful. I don’t own a murder house nor do I entertain a different flavor of woman every week.” Emma said.

“Careful, Swan. My head could explode from this fantasy you’re bringing on.” Killian said. She rolled her eyes. 

He picked up a handful of sliced bell peppers and she reached her hands out to take them, brushing his palms as she did and his eyes met hers, the smiles still on their faces. The same look she saw a few days before that, the raw vulnerable look, was back. 

Emma’s breath stuttered and in a flash she remembered her fantasy about him. She tried but it wouldn’t stay buried in her brain. She felt herself warming. Neither made a move to look away. 

Killian’s fingers started to curl around her hand and he opened his mouth to say something—

“Well fuck me, it’s true.” The abrasive words issuing from the patio doorway behind them. Killian and Emma immediately whipped their heads around, the pepper slices bouncing abandoned on the counter. 

“Killian Jones. You really are friends with David and Mary Margaret.” Emma’s eyes closed as she took in a breath, a smile playing over her lips as Ruby’s sheer decibel level raised the overall anxiety in the room. 

Killian for his part glanced at Emma and then quirked an eyebrow at the newcomer. The brunette sauntered in his direction, coming to stand at the end of the counter between Emma and Killian. 

“Pardon me, love. You have my name though I fear I’ve missed yours.” Killian held out his hand. 

“Ruby Lucas,” her smile shimmered at him while she pushed the tips of her fingertips into the well of his palm so his hand closed around her long fingers and she curtseyed. 

“I went to high school with David and Emma back in Florida. And of course I know your name. I’ve seen every episode of _Pine Country_ at least four times. Were you sad when the show finished? Do you still talk to the cast? Please tell me you did all those motorcycle stunts yourself—” She spoke a mile a minute, and Killian blinked at her. 

“I’m-uh.” The features on Killian’s face seemed to twitch, conflicting emotions running across his features before he flicked his eyes in Emma’s direction, “A thousand apologies, lass. You caught me in the act of fulfilling all of the vegetable-related desires of our hostess’ heart. I mustn’t dally. Budge up, Emma.” Killian pulled the platter out of Emma’s hands and exited the kitchen as quickly as he could, a few stray carrots or cucumbers nobly sacrificed to random spots on the floor in his haste to leave. 

“Rubes, you never fail to entertain me. You sound like a total lunatic and I love you for it.”

Ruby did not look remotely abashed as she chewed thoughtfully on a stray bell pepper slice and watched him through the open door. “God I hope he actually knows how to ride. Can you imagine straddling the seat of a Harley all pressed up against him? The whole thing just vibrating under your bodies. Squeezing his hips with your thighs?” She purred under her breath still watching him.

Emma stared at the abandoned knife, moving around the end of the counter where Ruby stood to begin cleaning up Killian’s station. 

“Wait—where is August? I thought he was supposed to be here by now.” Ruby turned her attention back to Emma.

Emma shrugged, “Not sure when he will get here. Around one this afternoon he called to say they were thinking of a rewrite but he didn’t say if they went through with it or not. I guess they did.” 

Ruby narrowed her eyes at Emma, “And he just didn’t say anything? Emma. What the fuck? Tonight is a big deal.”

“What are you talking about? It was completely random—not a big deal at all.” Emma said.

“Yes, it is.” Ruby guided Emma to face her with her hands on her shoulders, stooping to look up into Emma’s face, “I’m here. I am a big fucking deal.” 

Emma rolled her eyes, “The ego in this town is big enough without you coming to visit and tipping the scales like this. August is just…well you know him.” Emma finished with another shrug. 

“But you did tell him about tonight, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did. I told him on that phone call and then I texted him the address and a time. He will come if he can, I’m sure. It’s not a big deal if he doesn’t. You will see him before you leave.” 

“Honestly Em, I don’t get you two.”

“What is there to get?” Emma asked.

“You’re just so…casual. Where is the heat?” Ruby dramatic clutched at Emma’s shirt to pull her closer. 

Emma laughed in her face, “We have plenty of heat, Ruby.”

“Doesn’t really seem like it. You both just seem…I don’t know…” Ruby trailed off.

Emma started to look annoyed, “No. You do know. Say it. Just say whatever it is you’re thinking.”

“Sometimes you two just seem so relaxed that it might, almost, maybe come off as…complacent?” She finished the statement on a high pitch. Emma began to respond but Ruby continued, “Do you two ever fight? About anything? Argue about the dishes, schedules, sex?”

Emma thought about this for a moment, “…We don’t argue, per se. When we disagree on something we usually just do our own thing anyway and leave the other alone, I guess.”

Ruby hummed and looked away from her, “So then, the sex really good?” 

Emma started blushing, “I mean…yeah. Of course. It’s—the thing about August is…things are just so—straightforward.”

“Sounds hot.” Ruby deadpanned. 

Emma chuckled, “Listen, there is a lot to be said for dating someone who isn’t difficult. The sex is all right, I like talking to him. I don’t feel like I have to be around him all the time. Like we can do our own thing and it’s okay. It’s uncomplicated.” 

Ruby pursed her hips for a second and then put her hands up, “Hey, if two people want to participate in a friends with benefits situation, I am one hundred percent behind that. But just call it what it is—that isn’t a relationship.”

Emma's anger was starting to show, her eyebrows scrunched closed together, “We are more than friends with benefits. Friends with benefits means no strings involved. August and I live together, Ruby.” 

“So fine. Call it Roommates with Benefits, if you like.” 

“What is your problem? You didn’t mind me and August back in New York. What changed?” 

Ruby sighed, “You and August, I don’t have a problem with. When you two started dating I was excited. It seemed like it made so much sense honestly but…I don’t know. 

“Over time it just seems like nothing has really changed. No push and pull there between you two. Neither of you has to change, you’re just neutral.”

“I moved across the country for him. We left New York to move here _together_.” 

“Right but Emma, you have family here. You’ve always known you would move back. August just happened to be able to make the timing of it cut-and-dry. It’s convenient.” Emma considered this quietly. 

“Hey.” Ruby said. Emma looked at her. 

“I am not trying to attack you or August here. I love you both so much. Aside from the fact that I also hate you both for moving away from me.” Emma snorted a laugh. 

“Just, maybe you both deserve something a little more fulfilling than ‘convenient’…Think about what I said, will you?” Ruby asked. Emma nodded and let Ruby pull her in for a hug. 

“Come on,” the brunette said taking Emma by the arm and pulling her toward the patio. “You can come watch me make more of an ass of myself in front of _Dallas_ from _Pine Country_. Let’s see how many actors from the show I can ask him to invite over before he runs away from me again.” 

Emma gave her a half-hearted smile, letting Ruby pull her through the double glass doors and onto the patio lit with dozens of string lights. 

 

 

“I’m sorry but can you blame me for being shocked?” Ruby asked of the entire table.

“What is so shocking? We are fun people, okay?” Mary Margaret slurred, a little wine sloshing out of her glass. 

“There is just no way anyone ever thought you might have been interested in threesome,” Ruby said. 

Most of conversation around the table had died out in favor of listening to this one. Even if it turned out to be false, no one would deny their ears perked up at the word ‘threesome.’ 

The sun was setting late even though it was still technically springtime. The half of the table facing the sun had finally been able to remove their sunglasses. 

Ruby’s efforts to entertain Emma had paid both in smoothing the tension between them and in Ruby getting what she wanted: three former cast members from _Pine Country_ now sat around the table. Ruby was in heaven. 

Robin Locksley arrived an hour before, a little late to finding the place. He introduced himself to the hosts, shaking both David’s and Mary Margaret’s hands before sweeping Killian up into a bear hug. Ruby stood in the background bouncing on her feet and scream-crying in a manic explosion of laughter and tears.

Will Scarlett arrived only fifteen minutes prior to the burgeoning sex conversation. Killian’s complete surprise at seeing him was evident given that Will’s initial response to the invitation was a non-committal text.

**Nice**

— Killian admitted he should have realized that could mean anything. 

And so it was to a mix of completely unpredictable strangers and very old friends that Mary Margaret picked up the argument with Ruby. 

Her verbal volleys quickly losing flare until Mary Margaret exploded, “It happened okay? And it wasn’t just an invitation to a threesome—it was a foursome. They wanted four of us in that room. HALF of the sexy foursome being David and myself!” 

Mary Margaret yelled part of the last sentence, a little spittle landing on Killian’s face across the table. Emma sat beside him, casually handing her napkin to him as she continued to enjoy the show. She propped her chin on her fists over her empty plate.

Ruby eyed Mary Margaret for a moment, “I’m sorry but can anyone corroborate your story, MM?” 

Mary Margaret leaned back in her chair suddenly looking supremely smug as she brought the chardonnay back to her lips, “Killian can.”

Killian sputtered the wine over the top of his glass, a deep cough following as he felt everyone turn their attention to him. 

He glared at Mary Margaret. 

“Ew, was it you?” Emma leaned away from him in disgust.

“Give me some credit, Swan. I would never solicit our most innocent daisy over here.” 

Mary Margaret glowed. 

“But you were there, then, weren’t ya?” Will asked, chewing his food like bubblegum and downright giddy.

“Aye.” Killian said heavily.

“So if you didn’t ask, you know who did? Who was it?” Emma asked. Killian took another sip of his wine while everyone was waiting for him to speak. 

“Just some woman.” He said.

“Some woman he was dating!” Mary Margaret added.

Emma’s eyebrows shot up and she grinned at Killian. He rolled his eyes. 

“Fine.” Killian heaved a sigh, “About a year ago, when I was new to city, I happened to be spending time with a woman who was…well she was fine enough company to explore the city with,” Killian paused, scratching behind his ear. 

“Perhaps that’s too generous. She was…slightly less than intelligent.” 

“I bet she was fit though, eh Kil?” Will waggled his eyebrows.

“ _I_ bet she would be easily distracted by shiny golden pineapples?” Emma couldn’t keep the smile out of her voice as she stared at the side of his face. Killian kept his eyes on his wine glass though she saw one corner of his mouth tick up. 

“Her name was Alicia. She was your typical LA arm candy,” Regina added. “All body, a pretty face and zero tact. Gets lost on the way to the bathroom. You know the type.” 

Robin and Will burst into laughter and Killian glared at his agent. Regina rolled her eyes, “Don’t look at me like that—you were the one who dated her.” 

“We did not date.” Killian said through clenched teeth ignoring the grin that bloomed on Emma’s face. 

“Oh, you didn’t? I guess it was a different Alicia who was calling my office every other day asking if TMZ got any photos of your evening outing the night before.” Regina tapped her chin in mock-thought. 

“Fine. I took her out. I was new to town, fresh from four years off a tv show. Finally far from the eternal winter of Vancouver and I was curious about the LA nightlife. Alicia was not exactly well-read but it was nice to have company for a while in a new city.” Killian said.

“Oh I wouldn’t say that she wasn’t well-read,” David said. “The one time I met her, she entertained me with several jokes she’d memorized from those wooden popsicle sticks.” 

Emma collapsed into fits of silent laughter, her hands teepeed over her mouth and nose.

“Poor girl. I’m pretty sure popsicles were all she ever ate too.” Mary Margaret said, looking at Emma and Ruby she added, “She had to stay trim, you know, she was on the verge of getting a breakout role at any minute.” 

The whole table erupted from the building laughter and Killian had to shout to get their attention.

“Oi! Can I be allowed to finish telling this bloody story which—might I remind you, MM, is meant to add some tang to your otherwise vanilla reputation.” Mary Margaret glared but conceded with a nod.

“At last. Now, as I was saying, I was seeing Alicia around a year ago which is also when I met Dave here—“

“I set them up.” Regina said, the rounding glare from Killian did nothing to curb her diatribe. “Killian, after week three of Alicia calling my secretary pretending to be the paps, it was obvious your social calendar was in need of intercepting.”

“He was missing us something fierce, I’m sure.” Will slung his arm around Robin’s shoulder. 

Killian continued, “So the four of us went out to a new club opening. Neither I, nor the Nolans were very interested in this forced playdate. Alicia, however, was very into it. She was trendy, a pop-culture reference guide, and by an hour in she was positively smashed.

“Once inebriated, her already precarious composure was slipping. Quite simply—she was star-struck by our very own Baby Davey.” Killian gestured to David across the table and David’s chest puffed up. Emma nailed his chest with a spray of chopped carrots from the leftover vegetable tray. 

“Of course I had been seen out with Alicia plenty of times at that point. But I was a mere tv actor. Now she was out with a tv actor, an actual movie star _slash_ former-child-star and his spouse.” 

Ruby scoffed at Killian’s statement but he continued, “And so, in what I can only assume was a bid to cling to any brush of fame within reach, she followed Mary Margaret to the bathroom and…”

Killian paused for a dramatic swell, “Alicia inquired as to whether Mary Margaret and Dave would be interested in participating in an orgy of sorts.”

“I told you all!” Mary Margaret jumped to her feet, swaying slightly and then lunging for the bottle across the table to fill her glass again. 

Her celebration was short lived. 

“Eh.” 

Ruby made a small noise of dissent. “Did Killian actually hear her ask you?” 

“Well no…But she did!” 

Ruby shrugged, unmoved by the story as she inspected her nails. 

Mary Margaret turned to David in outrage before rounding on Killian, pointing a finger at him. 

“Alicia told Killian! She told him in bed that night—I know she did!” All the air seemed to leave the middle of the table. Killian froze, his eyes darting to David who looked like he was shrinking in his chair. 

Everyone else slowly displayed eager smiles, sensing the outing of another secret just ahead. 

“Well go on, old chap. It’s rude to keep the people waiting.” Robin grinned.

Killian got to his feet, disappearing into the house. 

When he emerged a minute later he was holding a bottle of amber liquor. David got to his feet. 

“Woah, woah, woah. You can’t have that! Killian, that was next to impossible to get into the country.” Killian watched David’s pleading with an impassive expression, standing next to his empty chair across the table. 

A cruel smile lit his handsome features and he dropped a highball glass onto the table with a clunk. Killian made a show of inspecting the bottle and took his seat. It was almost completely full, Dave clearly having only sampled it once.

“Yes, it is. I remember you telling me.” He tipped the bottle, a generous pour filling the glass before he put the stoppered bottle safely in the chair beside his hip, “Let us consider it a downpayment on the self-degrading entertainment I’m about to provide for your dinner party guests.” He patted the bottle with his free hand, snuggling it closer.

David pressed his lips together and watched as Killian tipped the glass back, the contents draining into his mouth without a pause left to savor the taste. 

Ruby clasped her hands in front of her chest, “Oh my God. I sense a really dirty sex story coming and I am genuinely afraid of passing out in hysteria before I hear it.” Ruby was clutching the arms of the chair and vibrating. 

Killian silently poured himself a fresh glass.

“Very well. Ruby, my darling. I can attest that Alicia panhandled for sex from June and Ward Cleaver over there—unlikely though it may seem. See I know because the tale was recounted for me as I reclined on the couch trying to keep a bloody nose from staining the carpet of my condo rental.”

He saw Emma’s brows furrow out of the corner of his eye but continued, “Alicia drunked told me the whole sordid thing while I sat with a wad of toilet paper under my nose and a bag of frozen meatballs over my swelling eye.” Killian glanced at Emma out of the side of his eye, “And that was that.”

“…Interesting.” David said, “You seem to have skipped a pivotal piece of the plot there, bud. If you are going to drink my scotch, you are going to tell the whole story.”

“Wait a minute. I remember that black eye.” Regina sounded annoyed, “That black eye cost you a part—a good part, you dill-hole.” 

Robin and Will made eye contact mouthing _dill-hole_ at the same time and then burst into laughter. 

Regina spoke over them, “You told me you had an ‘altercation’ on the wrong side of town.” She air quoted Killian who returned a rueful smile. 

“I wish it were the case. Very well. As I said, Alicia attempted to pencil in the Nolans for a _menage à quatre_ —which presumably included me, by the way. After an absolute shut-out by our main player over here, Alicia was emotionally…set off. 

“She came to me immediately wanting to go home. By then, I too had worked up my BAC and I didn’t think twice about abandoning the club or our new acquaintances.” He nodded to the couple across the table, “Apologies.” 

“We arranged a Lyft to my condo and once arrived, began to engage in bout of drunken, er…carnal relations.” 

Killian shifted looking visibly uncomfortable for the first time, “And well just as things were getting rowdy, Alicia threw her head back and smashed it directly into my face. It knocked the living daylights out of me and I had an instant nose bleed.” 

Will and Robin lost it in a renewed round of booming laughter. 

“What were you doing standing behind her like that?” Ruby asked with faux innocence, twirling her hair around her finger. 

That was Regina’s breaking point as she too succumbed to silent laughter. 

Killian chanced a glance at Emma whose glassy eyes were locked on her empty glass as she seemed to contemplating something with interest in her mind. She realized she had been silent and lifted her gaze briefly as she blushed. 

When she turned back to Killian she had her bottom lip pulled between her teeth to control her grin. Killian’s eyes searched her entire face, finally beaming at her. 

He readjusted in his chair and his voice became louder as he took control of the situation with renewed vigor. “Simmer down you lot, the story is almost over now.”

“So this was Alicia’s breaking point. She was completely sloshed and the events of the evening seemed to have jumpstarted a life crisis for her. Twenty-five years old, unsigned, unbooked for the moment and she declared herself to be ‘undesirable as a sexual partner.’

“That last insecurity caught my attention. Naturally, I felt I had just sacrificed quite a bit of dignity in the name of sexual pleasure with her.” Killian said.  
“It was then that she explained the humiliating rejection she received from our own Mary Margaret Nolan who indeed, declined the offer of a foursome.” 

Mary Margaret’s smug expression was back, “That’s right. But it _was_ offered.” 

“Aye. It was offered.” Killian said.

“Needless to say, that was our last encounter. There are few relationships which can survive two sexual missteps in the same night. Alicia’s invitation made it clear that we were decidedly not on the same page. Her head butt made it difficult to think about jumping in bed with her ever again without fearing for my profession.” He circled his face with his hand, “Obviously I couldn’t risk this again.”

“Hah! You called it a relationship.” Regina said. Killian ignored her.

“My next move was to get in touch with David, explain the circumstances and make sure my name was cleared from the whole matter. I did not want to see him or his wife in my bed. We had a good laugh, agreed to _never_ tell anyone about it—“ Killian glared at David who smiled a goofy smile back, “And we have been friends ever since.”

“Bosom friends, eh mate?” Robin asked with a hearty wink. Killian smiled a real smile. “Aye, sure.” 

“How long after that did you ask Killian move in?” Emma asked David.

“Six months, I think? He went away for a couple months there at first but we stayed in touch throughout.” David glanced at his wife for confirmation. Regina, Killian and Mary Margaret shifted uncomfortably at these words and David seemed to realize he had said something wrong. 

Quickly he added, “It was a no-brainer—he was a pretty natural third wheel for us.” David sent Killian a salacious wink and ran his tongue over his lips. Ruby let out a wolf whistle and the tension dissolved. 

Emma looked at the three of them again though none would make eye contact with her or each other. Emma glanced at Killian. His thumb rubbed the label of the bottle, his focus determinedly on his glass.

 

They carried on late into the evening, more wine bottles opened and a fire in the outdoor fireplace kept them warm. David attempted to reclaim the scotch but Killian stared him down and continued hoarding the bottle from them all. 

“Sorry, I’m late.”

Emma stilled mid-laugh. She sat on the arm of the couch facing Killian who occupied the narrow armchair next to her. Her head whipped around to get a look at the open patio doors.  
An unexpected swell of anxiety started up in the pit of her stomach.


	4. Breaking the Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some people draw together and others begin to drift apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one today but gotta move things forward.

Ruby squealed and jumped up from her cozy position on the outdoor couch where Will Scarlett had been stroking her knee while they talked. Running toward the doors to the house she jumped into August’s outstretched arms.

“Ruby Lucas. May the Lord help us all,” August said over her shoulder. They swayed in the open doorway. 

Emma took a deep breath and scooted forward off the arm of the couch. Killian was watching her closely, his eyes searching her face for any indication of her thoughts as she got to her feet and set her glass on the table.

Emma flicked her eyes to his briefly and turned away, striding over to the two in the doorway. Ruby’s arms held onto August’s shoulders as they talked and when Emma approached he threw an arm around her. 

“Em. I have news.” He bestowed a kiss to her lips and then looked over her head. August waved at the group, “I’m going to borrow these two for just a minute.” He pulled both Emma and Ruby inside the kitchen. 

“All right. Do you two remember Hot Shot Pete from my job in New York?”

“The cocaine addict?” Ruby asked.

“No that was Sling Shot Pete—easy mistake,” Emma answered. “Hot Shot Pete was on staff with August for just the first couple months before he moved to a different show. What about him?” She asked.

“Well, the network called me. Pete is moving up to a head writing position on a new show and he wants me to come write for him on his next project. No promises or anything but if this goes well, I’m on track to pitch my own ideas to the network. It could be huge for me.” August smiled nervously, glancing between the two of them and lingering on Emma. 

“Does this mean you are moving back to New York!?” Ruby asked. He smiled nervously and looked at Emma. 

“Eventually, that’s the idea. This job is just a—a thought right now. It wouldn’t start for another couple months so I have time wrap up this season of _Jack & Bill_ while I think it over.” 

Emma looked conflicted, her eyes locked in the middle distance out the window behind him. When she looked at him, he was already watching her with a soft smile.“That’s great August.” She smiled, reaching out to squeeze his hand, “You absolutely deserve this opportunity. I am so proud of you.” 

He nodded and touched her cheek, “We’ll figure it out, Em.” 

A ghost of a laugh sounded from her lips, “Yeah, one way or another.” 

Their eyes locked and Ruby’s words resurfaced in her mind. He drew her in close and kissed her hard. She couldn’t meet his eyes when she pulled away. 

 

Killian sat in his chair outside, a little away from the rest of the group. Currently he was watching the fire and trying his damnedest to keep from staring through the window at the three in the kitchen. He watched August kiss Emma and his stomach lurched uncomfortably. He looked away. 

The highball glass was empty and Killian refilled it, his sense of decorum still in tact enough to keep him from abandoning all pretense and drinking directly from the bottle. He had to remind himself to slow his intake. In the corner of his eye he watched the three come back out onto the patio. 

David and Mary Margaret got up and greeted August, the three of them and Ruby chatting happily. Emma detached from the group, walking away to resume her spot in the corner of the couch near him. 

Emma wrapped her fingers around the bottle neck and paused, not making a move to take it. His eyes met hers and he couldn’t describe the look he saw on her face. Though he thought it looked familiar. 

Killian pressed the bottle into her hands and threw back the rest of his scotch. He made a gentlemanly show of presenting the empty glass to her in his palm. Eyes flicking to the glass and back to the bottle, she tilted her head back and took a drink.

“Attagirl, Swan.” He held his glass out and she refilled it for him. She nestled herself in the cushions of the couch, bottle clutched against her chest. A comfortable silence fell between them as they gazed into the fire. 

 

The night wore on and Regina and Robin resumed seats at the table, a lone bottle of white wine between them while they talked. 

Will, having briefly enjoyed the undivided attentions of Ruby earlier in the evening was close to making an ass of himself as he shared story after story of his time on _Pine Country_ for the brunette, the hosts and the newcomer. 

Emma and Killian kept to their corner, quietly exchanging words. The conversation ebbed and flowed and each turned back to stare into the fire when a tangent ended. A new line of conversation began and they held eye contact while the other spoke, unconsciously leaning toward the other. Peace radiated from the space between them and acted as a barrier for the other dinner guests to keep their distance.

August sat happy and chatting with the group on the lounge chairs though as the night went on, he watched Killian and Emma with increased frequency. Mary Margaret followed his gaze and frowned at the couple by the fire. She watched their fingers overlap when the two passed the bottle of scotch back and forth. 

August took notice but didn’t make a move otherwise to interrupt, his brow furrowed increasingly over the course of the night. 

Around one in the morning Mary Margaret got to her feet and stretched. “I’m going to go to bed," she told the group at large. 

Killian and Emma tore their gazes from each other as Mary Margaret made her way over. 

“Killian, the bed in your old room is made up if you want to stay here tonight.” Her voice didn’t quite match the warmth of the invitation, warning lay in the undertones. Killian darted his eyes to Emma and then swiftly got to his feet.  
“Aye. Yes, please. I would appreciate that—I shouldn’t be behind the wheel of any car for the next 24 hours I expect.” He smiled a nervous smile at Mary Margaret, “I’ll escort you inside, shall I Mrs. Nolan? You can remind me where you keep the aspirin on the way.”

He turned to Emma who sat on the sofa. Her previously relaxed posture turned stiff at the tension around her and her expression questioned both of them as her eyes flicked between the two. 

“As always, Swan, it was lovely to see you. And finally under circumstances where my pride and physical being were not at risk.” He winked at her and she smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

Emma got to her feet, “Goodnight. Thank you for hosting.” She waved vaguely as they disappeared into the house. It was obvious from watching them through the window that they were arguing about something but Emma couldn’t hear anything. 

She looked at the bottle that now sat abandoned on the table. A little less than halfway full at least so David didn’t have to cry into his pillow at a total loss. When she stood she realized her level in intoxication because of the lightheadedness that came with it. 

When Killian was there, the mood between seemed to have kept them both calm. Now he was gone she stumbled a little and clutched at the couch for balance.

Emma started toward the other group and August got up to meet her halfway. He grasped her hand, “Can I take us home?” Emma nodded. 

“Goodnight.” She said quietly to the group left behind. Ruby watched her two friends exit the party, a frown on her face. 

“What’s troubling you, beautiful?” Will stroked her hair behind her ear. David also seemed to have disappeared and it was just them on the lawn. Robin and Regina had left sometime ago without a word to anyone. Ruby looked at the man next to her. 

A smirk twisted her face and she casually threw a leg over his lap. Will inhaled a deep breath and cupped her shoulder blades as she settled over him. “Just waiting for them to leave. What do you say you and I keep the party going?” Will groaned and she descended on his mouth. 

 

“You’re quiet.” August observed. He glanced at Emma in the passenger’s seat. Her head pressed back into the head rest. She shrugged. 

“Are you angry at me?” 

Emma contemplated this with her eyes screwed shut and then shrugged again. August let out a frustrated sigh. 

“At some point I need you to use words, Emma.” August said.

“What do you want me to say? I haven’t processed the whole thing yet. If I start talking you’re going to hear all my half-baked thoughts.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“At least I would have something to go off of instead of silence.”

“Fine. I’m frustrated.” Her hand covered her eyes now and in a flat tone she continued, “I just got settled here—we just got settled. Mary Margaret and I are invested business partners and I can’t imagine moving back to New York in the near future. Much less in two months.” 

August stayed quiet. “I haven’t made up my mind yet, you know.”

Emma scoffed. 

He continued, “I haven’t.” He turned into a parking spot and shut off the car. “Even if I do decide to go, we can figure something out. We will make something work, I promise.” 

Emma scowled at the dashboard, “August, when have we ever had to ‘make something work’? What makes you think we can figure out a long distance relationship?”

“What does that even mean?” 

Emma ran a hand through her hair and put her feet up on the dash. “Us. We have never had to compromise on anything. We have never had to make a decision like this before. Things are easy with us, they were always supposed to be easy.” 

August’s laugh was humorless, “Well that’s not really true.” 

She looked at him, “Isn’t it? When have we disagreed on a big life choice before?” 

He looked angry and was simultaneously wracking his brain for an example. After a moment he said, “Why is it that you have a sudden lack of confidence in us?” 

Emma sighed and buried her face in her hands, muffling her voice. “I don’t know. I don’t know.” Her frustration seemed to be directed internally now. “Before you got there tonight…I thought—“ 

“Does Killian have anything to do with this?” His tone was even. 

She glared at him, “No. How could you even think that?” Emma felt her guilt tug uncomfortably at her but she plowed on, “Before you got there tonight Ruby said—well she said something that I disagreed with at the time but now…”

“What did she say?”

“She said we are complacent. That neither of us has to change much to keep the peace.” 

He looked angry again, “And you think that is true?” 

“Well no, I didn’t at first but then…When you told us your news, it felt like such a shock. Not because of the news itself but because it put this decision in front of me that I just didn’t want to have to make. This feels so foreign to me. I don’t know…” She said. “I’ve never really felt that before with you. We’ve always sort of lived and let live. That works for us.” 

August’s face softened. “Emma,” he tilted her face toward him, “We can handle this. It will be hard but we will figure this out.”

Emma screwed up her face into a tight lipped smile and he kissed her cheek.

That night August slept curled around Emma’s body while she stayed awake, eyes locked on the night sky out the window.


	5. I'll Show You Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our friends strive together, dig deeper and encounter a difficult surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, mistakes are mine.
> 
> A lil background, a lil set up.
> 
> Slow burn. Don't forget.

“Go easy on me, Swan.” Killian smiled, his face crinkled in the confines of the black padded helmet. 

“Show me you’ve been paying attention, Jones.” 

He nodded and took his stance.

Emma let out a long breath and followed it with a right hook to his head. 

Killian blocked. 

He attempted a jab at her stomach. 

She folded in so he missed. 

Emma squatted low to deliver a low roundhouse to his ankles.

Killian hopped in the air to avoid the arc.

He landed and took a misstep, stumbling to the side—

“Killian, you missed your cue.” Emma said. 

“Bloody hell, I know I know.” Killian said, right himself and taking the starting stance again.

Technically, this wasn’t part of their training session. 

Training had ended an hour before and the days regimen had only included about ten minutes of cardio. Emma was lamenting this as a mistake when Killian presented this idea to her: practice action sequences straight from the script on his nightstand. 

 

_“Killian, these are so dumb.” Emma flipped a page of_ Vigilant _and kept reading. “It’s action filler—please tell me your fight sequences will look better than this shit. It reads like bad Kung-Fu.” Killian plucked the script from her hands and held it behind his back._

_“Worry not, Swan. Someone will be choreographing the fight sequences once we are on set. I’ll have to learn them fresh and everything. This suggestion was merely a way to get in exercise that could be both amusing and stimulating for us.”_

_He opened the script again with a haughty expression, “I suppose if you would be comfortable walking away from a mediocre training session…“_

_“Suit up, pretty boy.”_

 

They went on with the routine for another hour until they had successfully performed it three times. Emma landed on her back in the grass, pushing the helmet from her sweat-soaked hair and huffing out breaths. 

Killian was doubled over, hands perched on his knees. He winced with every breath but he was grinning watching her, “Feeling the…burn there, Emma? …I thought it was just …’action filler?’“ Killian grinned at her even as he continued his heavy breathing. 

“That last time you….swung out…too far.” She brushed the sweat from her forehead and took a few more deep breaths. “I had to jump back…farther…this landing wasn’t play fighting…You knocked…the wind out of me,” she took another breath.

“…dill-hole.” Emma finished. She’d picked up the word from Regina. 

Killian barked a laugh. He leaned over her, blocking the sun from her face so she didn’t have to squint momentarily. His shirt was off again and her eyes ran down his chest discreetly, passed off as a blink. 

There was no doubt the training was working well for him. A month into intensive sessions and his abs were coming along nicely. She opened her eyes again just in time to watch a drop of sweat detach from the dark hairs dangling around his face and land on her cheek. 

Emma swatted at him, “You are getting your sweat all over me, Jones.” 

Killian grinned, “You know I wish I could feel bad about that, love—” She swatted at his arm again but he caught her arm and in one move swung her whole body over his shoulder. 

“Are you kidding me? Put me down!” Emma screamed at small of his back. 

“No, no, you charged me with getting you good and dirty. Now I find myself compelled to aide in the remedy.” 

She squirmed against Killian’s grip and he allowed her to drop from his shoulder to drape over his arms. Her arm curled behind his neck reflexively while he held her suspended over the deep end of the pool.

Looking seriously into her eyes, he opened his mouth and with an affected deep accent, quoted directly from the _Vigilant_ script they had been pouring over all afternoon, “ _Take the plunge with me, Sara._ ”

Despite herself she cackled as he stepped off the edge, letting the cool salt water claim them both. 

 

They whiled away another hour in the pool as the sun set and the heat of the day began to beg off. Emma lay floating peacefully, Killian watching her from his seat on the edge of the pool. Her black tank top was painted to her entire upper body and Killian watched with his eyes locked on her. Only turning away when he realized he was staring.

He got to his feet and disappeared behind the bar, coming back with two towels. Emma resurfaced, eyes closed as she wiped the water from her face and squeezed out her hair. He handed her the towel when she got out. 

“Come on Swan, I’ll get you a suitable change of clothes.” Killian turned to the house, leaving her no opportunity to decline the offer. She suspected this was a calculated move on his part. Still she followed him inside. 

The living room finally smelled a little less like paint after its transformation was finalized three weeks before. The soft white brought a lightness to the room that Emma would never have believed possible. Almost the entire back wall was glass and the room was well lit with natural light from dawn until dusk. 

Killian was in the process of removing the wooden cross frames from the large glass panels so the view into the backyard would be unbroken by lines. The look made the entire living space all the more modern with the expansive sheets of glass. 

Emma picked up the abandoned paint chipper from the tarp beneath the glass. The windows were covered in paint lines from where previous owners had painted the wood frames without removing them from the glass first. 

“Good to see you putting yourself to work, love.” He tossed a shirt and shorts onto the couch. “These are for you, I hope you find them to your liking.”

Emma smiled, stepping toward the proffered clothes. “You’ve done so much in such a short period of time Killian. It’s impressive.” He blushed but continued with a puffed chest, “You haven’t even seen the kitchen yet.” She followed him through the opening, not even having glanced into the room before he mentioned it. 

It was a demolition zone. The pale yellow countertops were no where in sight, and the cabinets sat splintered with gapping holes along the top of them. Several of the freshly primed walls had football sized holes peppering them and the faucet was missing, a sad little chrome cap covering the end of the pipe. 

“What the hell—“ She turned to look at him, “How are you cooking in here?”

He laughed, “Oh, it’s not even an option right now. Worry not, Swan, I’m sticking to the meal plan. I did my cooking for the week at Robin’s place. Whenever I have need of a burner I use the grill under the hut out there.” Killian gestured to the pool side through the window. 

Emma stepped closer to the wall and ran a finger on the rim of one of the larger holes, “And these holes…are they…strategic?” 

Killian grinned, “The holes are curtesy of one Will Scarlett.” 

“No kidding. Was there any rhyme or reason or was it more of a whack-a-mole situation?” 

“Well it was probably my fault. I invited him over to help and left him unattended. I meant for him to remove the upper cabinets but he thought it best to just sod the whole wall.”

Emma laughed, wiping the dust from her hands onto her wet shorts. 

Killian looked her up and down and cleared his throat, “Swan, you should get changed. You’re looking a little…chilly.” He smiled mischievously at her and she crossed her arms over her chest. 

Navigating, around him, she made sure to bump his chest with her shoulder for good measure, and grabbed the clothes from the couch. She closed the door to the guest bedroom behind her. 

This space had yet to receive a makeover and Emma felt blindly for the light switch in the dark space. It was little help once on, a measly lightbulb eerily illuminating the gigantic room. The windows were covered in blackout curtains and the walls were an ominous dark blue. Mirror panels lined the ceiling above the bed and Emma had to suppress a shudder.

A door to the left opened into a full bath with a modest sized closet adjacent. She hung her wet clothes over the side of the unused tub and tried not to touch anything. The whole space smelled stale and mildewed, Killian clearly hadn’t begun to clean it yet. 

Pulling out her phone she saw one missed call from August and a text. Her heart rate picked up and the internal debate over whether to open it lasted for a full minute.

**Charity and Anthony disagree on outline for the finale. Next draft is about to bite the dust. I might just crash on the couch in the writers room again tonight.**

Emma breathed out a sigh of relief. 

The conversation from weeks before remained dormant. Each of them saw a deadline approaching but chose to stay neutral and she noticed that they each chose to stay out of the apartment with increasing regularity. The equilibrium was as comforting and as it was disconcerting. 

On the one hand, she was not about to leave LA again. 

On the other, long distance did not sound ideal. Although, even now she and August barely saw each other and that seemed to be working well enough for them. What difference could a few thousand miles make?

Emma clicked her phone off and left the bathroom.

She emerged from the bedroom with a little hop step, “Killian have you been in there? I swear I just felt a mouse or something brush my leg.”

Killian didn’t answer. Emma entered the kitchen but it was empty. Through the living room windows she saw him standing on a deck chair outside, lighting the tiki torches. It was dark out and watching him in the firelight brought back memories of the dinner party from a few weeks before. 

Emma smiled. Killian was familiar and new simultaneously. Talking to him was effortless and satisfying. Being quiet together felt just as deep, just as intentional. His request for friendship on that first training session seemed so silly now. Of course they would be friends. It was hard to imagine they wouldn’t be friends now she knew him. It was inevitable. 

 

_Emma felt Killian’s eyes on her as she stared into the fire._

_“Are you going to talk about it, then?” He asked._

_Emma met his eyes briefly and then looked toward the group on the lounge chairs. August had a lit cigarette dangling loose between his lips as he laughed at a story Will was telling._

_He was so sexy when he looked like that—as if nothing could possibly bother him. Now she watched him and her stomach tightened with the rawness of unchecked emotion. His way of interacting with the world—with her, used to seem delightfully unattached. Now it felt arrogantly thoughtless. Ripping her away from this environment, the comfort of her home made her feel completely unseen._

_The raw nature of her feelings intensified the longer she watched him. Defensiveness and anger wracked through her mind. She turned back at the fire, choosing to remain unresponsive. Even contemplating an answer to Killian started to wind her up. Emma closed it up._

_Killian watched the fire again and put his feet up on the table in front of them, accepting her silent decision._

_“When I was in Vancouver,” he began after a minute of silence, “I fell in love with a woman.”_

_Emma darted her eyes at his face but his expression was impassive, the orange glow lighting his face._

_“Her name was Greta. She was amazing. A total spitfire.” Killian smiled as he spoke and Emma tried not to watched him._

_“She did everything for me. Brought me food when I was hungry, helped me practice lines. If I took too long getting dressed she barged in to get me ready and keep me moving. Every time I finished filming a particularly muddy scene on the forest of Vancouver, Greta was there to offer me a hot towel and cold water.”_

_Emma was stared at him, her previous mood was ebbing, “Killian, at the risk of overstepping, that doesn’t sound like a very balanced relationship.”_

_Killian scowled at her but she thought she saw a hint of smile and felt even more confused._

_“Aye. You would think that, Swan. Many didn’t understand our love. I happened to fall in love with a much older woman and despite her grumbling, I know she loved me.”_

_“How old was she?” Emma asked surprised._

_“Sixty-seven. And a half.” Emma’s jaw dropped and Killian dropped the façade finally enjoying his own private joke aloud, “Greta was our production assistant on set. I loved her very much and she loved me too. Though, it was not romantic, it’s true.”_

_Emma’s face morphed into a smile and then a grin and she rolled her eyes. “You’re kind of the worst, sometimes. You really had me going, thinking you’d left a great love behind.”_

_Killian brushed her arm with his fingers to get her attention and held his glass out. She held his outstretched hand steady as she poured. “Greta does hold a place in my heart, didn’t know a mother’s love before her. Nor have I since.”_

_Their eyes met, “Excepting perhaps your sister-in-law. I’ll admit she could give Greta a run for her money when it comes to that lovely, softly-smothering care.”_

_They both laughed and settled back into the couch._

_“Glad you’ve noticed. Now you see what I’ve had to put up with for the last ten years.”_

_“Ten years—is that all?” Killian asked, “I’ll admit I’m having trouble conjuring an image of David without Mary Margaret in the picture.”_

_“Things were…different before her. That’s for sure.” Emma said. Killian stayed quiet, giving her the option to continue on her own.  
“Did you know much about James?” She asked eventually._

_Killian’s brow furrowed at her question before he gave a single shake of his head, “Not much, no. Only what little Mary Margaret has told me during my time in their guest room.”_

_“James was…well he was the opposite of David. Nothing quite so strange as knowing two people with the identical DNA diverge onto two completely different life paths. David is measured, sweet and methodical. James was untethered, calloused. A little reckless, maybe.”_

_Emma looked at Killian and continued, “James was the one that found me. Did you know that?”_

_“No. I was told it was your adoptive father who found you. That he brought you into the family.” Killian said._

_Emma smiled a half smile at the flames, “Well, it’s half true—he gave me a job at his garage and then eventually a bed to sleep in when he realized I was bunking in the shop office after closing time._

_“It was James who invited me to their shop in the first place. He knew I was good with cars… knew I was running with a bad crowd. James helped me find honest work when I wouldn’t take a hand out.” Emma took another pull from the scotch bottle._

_“And David?” Killian asked after a time._

_Emma grinned, “David lived here in LA already. He and Ruth left Tallahassee before I showed up on the scene. James had long since thrown in the towel on acting but David really loved it—not to mention getting a good agent was a little easier when they could work with the nostalgia of a child-star grown up._

_“James, Robert and I ran the shop together for three years. Robert never officially adopted me but he supported me and looked after me the same way he did for James. He was a good man. Best father figure I’ve ever known.”_

_Killian chewed on his lip for moment, contemplating his next question before speaking, “So then, you and David didn’t actually live under the same roof growing up?”_

_Emma laughed, “Sort of, after high school anyway. Oh God, it was not easy all the time. But after Robert died and James was gone, I was left to be the arbitrator of the estate. Sold the shop to the lead mechanic, sold the house to the first buyer. Got it all figured out and then drove cross country at 18 to see Ruth and David._

_“I never knew how much or little they knew about me from their updates with James. Either way, I had all this shit from a dead father and ex-husband and I didn’t know what to do with it. James ran off six months earlier and no one heard hide or tail of him since. I just wanted to be rid of the responsibility, give David his inheritance and leave.”_

_Another pull from the bottle rasped her voice a little more, “Ruth met me, heard my story and insisted I stay. I didn't want to, almost left a few times but I always turned around. David met Mary Margaret not long after. Then of course, Ruth died too a little later…and here we are—ten years down the line.”_

_Emma delivered a vacant smile and looked across the lawn at David. He was puffing a cigar and was sloppy drunk enough to be draping his body almost completely over his wife, all care for her personal space gone. She didn’t seem to mind the attention._

_Emma’s laugh broke up her previously empty smile, “Look at him.” Killian shifted his eyes from her face to David’s across the way._

_“Always been a bit of a lightweight, our Dave.” Killian said with warmth._

_His gaze met hers again, “You know, Swan. Whether he tells you or not, David needs you. He—you are his sister. Perhaps not by blood or government sanctioned paperwork but…he calls you his family. His only family.” Emma’s eyes misted while she watched the fire._

_The tugging at her hand alerted her to Killian pulling the bottle away to refill his cup._

_“Mary Margaret loves you too, though I believe you know that already—this is where we began this tale, isn’t it?” Killian asked._

_Emma nodded, “You’re right. She…cares so much. I am thankful for her and at the same time I wish I could be invisible, just sometimes.” Emma said._

_“Aye. But she loves with her whole-heart. She doesn’t know another way.”_

_“I know.” Emma said softly, “I hate to admit it but I think I need it.”_

_She looked at him sharply, “Don’t you ever tell her I said that.”_

_Killian chuckled, “I won’t, I wouldn’t. Can you imagine how unbearable she would be if she knew you_ wanted _her input in your life?”_

_Emma smirked, “Total nightmare. Agreed.”_

_A silence fell between them again._

 

Her smile faded as she remembered the way that evening ended. Mary Margaret pulling Killian away from their chat. Mary Margaret starting an argument with him. The question nagged at her and she turned the situation over in her mind yet again, contemplating the possibilities as often as she hadn’t been contemplating the abstract future of her relationship with August. 

It was obvious Mary Margaret felt protective over Killian. She was right to protect him from Emma in the very least. She knew she wasn’t exactly the person you could count on to stick around. Killian didn’t need anyone like that in his life. He deserved someone who he could call in the middle of the night for help. Someone who could be a friend to him in the same way he was a friend to people. Emma tried at least to match his example on that front—

“Are you coming, Swan? I’ve got steaks on the grill and corn queued up to go on next.” Killian appeared in the doorway, watching her with a curious expression. 

“Killian no, you don’t need to do that. I shouldn’t stay,” Emma dropped her eyes to the ground and began searching for her bag. 

“Your bag is still outside, love. And you don’t have to go, I’ve put two steaks on already. It would be a terrible shame to grill one to perfection only to throw it in a plastic box in the fridge later. Are you comfortable sentencing an innocent steak to future trip in the microwave, Swan?” 

A smirk twisted her features, “Do you have any beer?”

Killian looked suspicious, “Erm. No. Why do you ask?” 

Emma deadpanned a stare at him, “Off the clock, Kil. This,” she gestured at herself, “is just your friend, Emma. Your friend would really like an afterwork beer after a long day at the office.” 

Killian smiled at her and gave her shoulder a squeeze as he passed her, “Just you wait, I’ve got quite the selection for you, Emma.” 

He headed to the kitchen and she called at his back, “I’m off the clock but I don’t approve of this—in case Mary Margaret asks.” 

“Loud and clear, love. Loud and clear.” 

Killian was in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Emma called out, “I’ll get it,” and made her way to the foyer.

She couldn’t see who it was through the frosted panels of the glass, just a shadow of a person. Pulling open the heavy oak door she squeaked in surprise as the man leaning on it tumbled inside, landing with an _oof_ on the hardwood.


	6. A Disturbance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which two steps forward require a harsh stumble back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, have I said that already? 
> 
> My posting is getting ahead of my writing, updates will probably be slower from here on.

“Bugger. That hurt. Fuck me.” Will Scarlett’s voice was muffled against the hardwood floor and slowly he rolled so he was on his back. 

“Woah. What the hell—“ Emma kneeled over him, inspecting his bloodied up face. One of his eyes was swollen shut and blood crusted in the crevices around his nose. His good eye fluttered shut.

“Killian!” Emma shouted. 

Killian appeared at her side in an instant, kneeling next to her and lightly patting Will on the cheek.

“Will. Can you hear me?” Will was unresponsive but the motion of his chest assured them he was still breathing. The eyelid that wasn’t swollen shut flickered but stayed closed.

“Help me get him to the couch. Please.” Killian said. Emma moved toward Will’s feet, pulling his legs up from under his knees while Killian lifted from under his arms. Will emitted a groan but otherwise remained unconscious.

Once they had him settled flat on the couch Killian looked up at her, “You have to go, Swan. I’ll handle this.” 

“Like hell. I’m not leaving here until we figure out what is going on.” Emma said.

“I already know what is going on. That is why I need you to go home. Now.” Killian said, his voice more firm.

“No.” Emma said. 

She abruptly stood up and disappeared to his bathroom. When she returned less than a minute later with a warm washcloth, she threw it at Killian. He caught it and continued to stare at her, a sneer spreading over his face. 

Emma didn’t give him a chance to say anything, “Clean him up. I’m going to look in your freezer for something to put over his eye.” 

Killian growled in dissent but she was already gone and he turned to begin mopping up the red streaks and mucus that dried on Will’s face. He leaned on his haunches next to the couch trying and failing to be gentle with the battered skin. 

“You bloody buggering idiot. What have you gone and gotten yourself into?” Killian muttered though Will remained passed out. 

Emma returned and lifted Will’s head from the couch. She folded her legs underneath him and angled his head to rest in her lap. Inspecting his face a little closer, she covered his swollen eye with a dishcloth full of ice. 

Killian watched her, rankled at her presence but she looked at him with an even gaze.

“You need to open his shirt and check his ribs. If his face looks this bad I doubt the rest of his body is unscathed.” 

When Killian didn’t make a move at her instructions, Emma huffed, reaching with one hand toward the lapel of Will’s brown leather jacket. Killian closed his hand over hers in a tight grip. 

“I asked you to leave, Swan. Please.” Emma stared at him for a beat. She turned her attention back to the jacket and attempted to remove it again. 

Killian’s hand tightened on hers, staying her movement. She fixed the set of her mouth and glared at him but he caught her off guard. 

His other hand coming to rest on her cheek, his palm settling warm on her skin. Calloused fingers clutched at the nape of her neck forcing her defiant eyes to meet his. The blue eyes looked frightened and they rapidly switched between her two green ones. 

Killian took a deep breath looking at her steadily. His thumb was stroking the soft line of skin in front of her ear. 

“Please, Emma. I need you to leave. Go to your brother’s house. You shouldn’t be alone but you cannot stay. He might have been followed here.” Emma furrowed her brows in frustration even as she unconsciously leaned into his touch. 

“Tell me what is going on, Killian. Please.” He stroked her cheek once more and slowly slid his hand down her neck, thumbing her ear lobe as he pulled away. Killian’s eyes drifted down from her face and back onto the damaged features of his friend.

“I’m not positive I even know for sure. I have some strong guesses.” His eyes glanced back up at her face and then back at the jacket. He rocked back on his heels and pushed himself to standing. 

Crossing the room he took the two steps up the platform to the front door. Quickly, he slipped into the paint covered work boots by the front door, not bothering with the laces. He peered through the peephole and then cracked the door checking both sides of the street before disappearing onto the front porch completely. 

He returned a few minutes later, slightly out of breath and threw the deadbolt. “No one outside. For now anyway.” He seemed slightly less on edge now.

Killian returned to her side and perched on the edge of the coffee table. He hesitated but then began to move the jacket aside while he continued talking. 

“Will has a…penchant for gambling. At his healthiest with it, he sticks to Black Jack. Single player, man against the house. He has lost a lot of money but eventually the casino will kick him out and send him home. When he wasn’t so healthy with it, it was much worse. He started seeking out illegal card games—Texas Hold ‘Em mainly, with a rowdy gang of lowlives in Vancouver.” 

The jacket and shirt were moved aside Killian screwed up his face when he saw blood stains on the white of the undershirt. He tried to gingerly push the shirt up to get a look at Will’s ribs. 

Will groaned in his sleep just as the shirt moved up his chest. Dark purple and red blotches colored his flanks and a gash wrapped around his back. Emma didn’t say anything, reaching for the discarded wet washcloth and handing it back to Killian who used it to clean up the wound.

“The bastard doesn’t know when to stop. I had hoped moving away from Vancouver, the old crowd being a thousand miles away would help curb his habit but…if I’m honest, even I didn’t put much stock in that reality.” Killian’s eyes met hers again. 

“Addiction recovery is…slippery. They’ll tell you over and over, it’s not just the vice you’re addicted to—your the need to escape reality is what keeps to coming back.” His eyes looked saddened and just as Emma turned this over in her mind, Will groaned again. 

They looked at his face, seeing his eye blink open and land on Emma above him. 

“Nursing me to health, love?” His voice was garbled but it didn’t deter his ego much, “I could get used to this sort of treatment from a fit little bit like yourse—“ Will exuded a lengthy hiss and Killian glared at his friend in the face, fingers pressing slightly on the bruises.

“Sorry about that mate. Thought I should test if you had lost the feeling to your ribs here.”

Will chuckled in a humorless way and his eye slipped closed, “Nah, still got the feeling in me body. I ought to be back in tip-top shape in no time. Just need to pop a few pain killers for the road.” Will made a move to sit up but was held down by Emma’s hand on his shoulder and Killian’s forearm to his chest. 

“Not so fast, Scarlett, talk to me. Who did this? Was it one man or several? Did anyone follow you?” Killian asked.

“No. No one followed me that I saw. Just had a little game a few miles away from here and it went a wee bit sideways, is all. Tried to make it back to me flat but my vision started going all blurred. Thought I might make it here first.” Will tried to shift his head and winced.

“You bloody bastard. Bloody buggering bastard. How can you keep doing this after—“ Killian’s face was quickly growing dark with anger and Will began to shift again, uncomfortable at the new response from Killian.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt your evening, Kil. I’ll just pop up and be on my way now.” They held him down again. 

“Just stay here. Hold this over your eye,” Emma let him take the dishcloth from her and shifted his head up so she could stand. “Don’t even think of moving.” She said to him and his eye was blinking shut again as she said it.

“I’m going to go look for some bandages for your ribs—Killian?” Emma gestured to him to follow her into the kitchen. Killian didn’t move, eyes locked on Will. 

“Killian. I need you to show me.” Emma said, her voice clear and firm. Another moment of hesitation and he followed her to the kitchen.

When she got there she turned to get a look at him. His face held a stormy expression. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging at it in frustration and gazed unseeing at the dismantled kitchen island. The abandoned ice trays from her earlier search lay abandoned on the only flat spots. Gripping the edge of the wood with both hands he attempted to anchor his body. 

Emma could see the conflict rolling across his face the longer he was quiet. He tried to in vain slow his breathing but despite his effort, his breathing picked up. 

Lifting his foot, Killian shoved the steel-toed boot into the wood with a long forced exhale. He picked it up and landed it in the same spot. 

On the third swing, the wood cracked. 

Killian didn’t stop, delivering the same kick over and over, grunting with each impact. 

Emma stood near him. Careful not to touch to him, careful not to flinch either. 

When he slowed down and finally stopped the two cabinet doors were effectively demolished. The pieces of the one door littered the floor and insides of the cabinet. The remains of the other dangled from the hinges in two pieces attached by splinters. 

Emma looked up at him and made a step forward. 

“I take it you planned to replace this eventually.” She said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Killian hung his head, breathing deeply through his nose. 

“Christ.” He whispered.

“Swan—Emma. I’m sorry.” He moved slowly, reaching up to dig the heel of a palm into his eyes, “I don’t mean t…fuck!” He gave a final kick to the island and surprised her with the quick movement. Her hand was briefly shaken from his shoulder but she stepped toward him and replace it on his back firmly. 

Killian hung his head again, speaking under his breath, “I told Will. I asked him to keep me out of this, I…I’m not ready to be around it.” 

Emma didn’t move to speak. Her hand soothed a stroke over his shoulder blade. When he looked at her suddenly she was met with his eyes, clear blue, raw and hard. 

The emotion was palpable and left her feeling claustrophobic. For the first time since entering the kitchen, Emma leaned away from him and tried to let some air out of the space, “Hey, look…” 

His eyes were still crystal clear, the hardness replaced with desperation and it was unnerving. She forced more words out of her mouth, casting her eyes at the floor. “It’s really okay. You don’t need to say anything.” 

It was a statement but with her tone and posture, Killian read it as a suggestion. She did not want him to keep talking, didn’t want to hear whatever he might be about to say. 

Killian blinked several times and looked away, his head nodding. He swallowed hard. 

“I’m not leaving,” Emma said softly. “But I need to know if you think we should call anyone. The police, an ambulance…”

“No. We can’t.” Killian’s words landed flat, the emotion crushed out of him. Emma stepped close to him again, her fear of him dissolving with his suddenly vacant tone. 

“Come on, let’s take care of Will, get him settled and…” she trailed off casting her eyes around the kitchen again. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes, trying to understand where she was going with her thoughts. 

“Well, we still have those steaks out there, I guess.” Killian’s eyes fell shut and despite himself he expelled a breathy laugh. 

“Aye, the grill.” 

Emma relaxed at his response and spoke with a renewed firmness, “And I believe you owe me a contraband beer. I deserve it for putting up with all this shit.” She gestured at him and the living room toward the invalid. 

“And it better be the good stuff, Jones. If you pull out some Natty Lite or Michelob Ultra, I will take my steak to-go and walk out.”

Killian really laughed now, his eyes closing in the relief of it. He smiled at her and after just a moments thought stepped forward, pulling her into his arms with finality. 

It surprised her. It scared her too, on some level. But Emma pushed that down. 

She held on tight to the dynamic that didn’t make her terrified. The dynamic that made it easy to touch him, make fun of him, listen to him and share her own thoughts. She clung to this man, her _friend_ , Killian, and let her own arms circle his neck. 

She actually squeezed him to her, pulling him closer and he sighed into hair. 

Absently he stroked a hand down her back and then up again. The frustration and tension was dissolving and both of them eventually relaxed their stance, leaning on each other. . 

His palm pressed between her shoulder blades and her whole body easily fell flush with his. Despite knowing it was time to pull away, Emma’s hand wandered up to the nape of his neck. With small soothing tugs she ran her fingers through his hair again and again. 

Killian’s resulting sigh spread hot over her neck and she realized how close he was to her skin. His nose brushed her pulse point. 

Their hearts were pressed against each other and she couldn’t tell whose belonged to whom. They swayed on the spot and Killian dropped one of his hands down to her hips, his fingers gripping at her. 

The emotional energy transformed, the frustration and confusion channeling into something new. Emma’s eyes slipped shut and with every inhale, the smell of his skin filled her up. His other hand tangled into her hair.

Killian’s lips brushed her neck. Her breath quickened and she gave his hair a reflexive tug. When she didn’t move away he became bolder, placing a kiss just beneath her pulse. Emma pressed her forehead into his shoulder, hands frozen around him. She didn’t move away. 

Killian turned his head, lips kissing her jaw. 

Her hands remained tight in his hair but she rolled her neck the slightest degree, exposing more skin to his lips. His fingers clutched at her hip, his hand pressing under her borrowed shirt to grip at her skin. Their chests moved in tandem, a push and pull of deep breaths. 

“Emma…” he whispered. The hand tangled in her hair cupped her cheek in an instant and he pushed her lips in his path, crushing his mouth against hers. His hands were needy, pulling her impossibly closer. Emma opened her mouth to his and he groaned into it. Killian pulled her lower lip between his teeth in a brief tug and she whimpered. 

She felt it. How badly he needed this connection. He pulled away for a moment and dove back in, neither of them getting a moment to reconsider. She met him, her tongue sweeping across his bottom lip. The fingers at her hip were firm enough to bruise and he growled, his tongue meeting hers in a wet slide. 

Emma emitted an involuntary moan. 

Killian’s hand continued to cup her cheek, his thumb nudging under her jaw as he encouraged the tilt of her head so he could access her neck again. “Your skin, Swan…” he alternated kissing and nibbling on her neck and Emma felt some oxygen returning to her brain in the absence of his lips on her mouth. 

Alarm was rising inside her with each inhale. 

“Killian—“ He didn’t stop, ascending the column of her neck and tugging on her ear lobe with his teeth and lips. “Hmm?” he asked vaguely. Her breathing cracked and her eyes were squeezed shut as she fought to think.

“Stop. Please, stop.” Her voice was breathy. Killian froze, his lips hovered over her cheek and his hands slackened enough that she could pull back. Emma meant to keep her eyes down, not to look at him but she couldn’t help it. Killian looked wrecked, his own eyes pressed shut and he was once again trying to get his breathing under control. 

“This was…a mistake.” Emma said. 

Killan’s jaw clenched, his hands actually dropping away from her and balling into fists. “Was it now?” He spoke so quietly but she heard the accusation all the same. 

“Yes. A mistake, yes.” She said. 

“It didn’t feel like a mistake to me, love.” Killian flicked his gaze to hers, his blue eyes bright again with the intensity of frustration and lust mixed together. 

“Look,” Emma’s voice sounded weak now. “Our emotions are high and we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately and…we are just confusing the adrenaline of all this evening with…”

She looked around, desperately searching with her eyes for the word, “Well lust.” 

Killian quirked an eyebrow at her, his jaw ticked. 

“Speak for yourself, Swan. I’m not confusing anything on my end.” He said. 

Emma’s hands covered her eyes, “Killian, I’m…God, I’m supposed to be working for you. This—this is why nothing can happen. Nothing was supposed to happen.” She took a deep breath, rubbing her temples hard. 

“You said you need trust between us, Swan. We have that trust. You said you needed honesty. We have that too, most of the bloody time.” Killian delivered a kick to the cabinet again. 

“Ugh God, yes I know we have those things but this other stuff--it’s just a crush, Killian. We work together and we flirt a little. It doesn’t mean anything—“ Emma gasped and clasped her hand over her mouth, “Fucking-fuck-fuck-fuck me.” She kicked the cabinet herself. 

Killian looked annoyed, “What?” 

She buried her face in her hands and groaned loud. “August, you asshole. I’m with someone. Remember?” She groaned into her hands again. 

Killian scoffed a laugh. 

Emma’s glare at him was furious. “Oh, you think it’s funny?” 

“Yes, actually, I do.” He crossed his arms over his chest, “How long did it take you to remember that wanker of a boyfriend, huh? Must be a very important relationship to you when it took you a whole minute after I stopped touching you to even think of him.” 

Emma picked up the empty ice tray she left out earlier and threw it at him. He dodged it with his arms and it clattered to the floor. Killian fumed at her. The regret and shame mixed in Emma and she continued to funnel it into her anger at the man before her. She pushed at him. 

He stumbled back but kept his arms resolutely crossed over his chest, “You hate it. You hate that I have an affect over you. Admit it, Swan.” 

She pushed at him again, “Stop it, Killian. Fucking stop it. Or I swear I will walk out of here and I won’t come back.” 

The fury and pain of that statement showed on Killian’s face and the look in his eyes made something in her crumble. She had never seen him look hurt in that way.

Emma clamped her jaw closed, but didn’t move. The silence stretched out. Timid, she opened her mouth, “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. You’re right, I know I participated. I know I kissed you but…please. Leave it alone. I need…you’re my friend, Killian.” She was begging now. “I’m with August and you are my friend.”

The pain didn’t leave his eyes but he did seem to soften a little as he watched her. He tried to keep glaring at her. The longer the moment stretched, the more she sagged. Killian’s resolve broke.

“Aye. You're probably right. A crush, then, nothing more.” She looked hopefully at him and he tore his eyes away, unable to look at her. 

“Do you still trust me, Swan?” Killian asked, despite himself. She nodded. 

Killian pulled her into another embrace. This one was different from the one before. Protective and firm. Her hands stayed crossed over her chest but he held her for a long time. 

“Don’t go anywhere, you hear me?” He asked.

She nodded. 

“Friends, then.” Killian said. He pulled away, looking in her eyes. 

“I…” she started. Killian waited, his patience renewed. “I will work on the honesty part. Promise.” 

Killian snorted. “As you say, Swan. As you say.” He pinched her bicep, “You should also work on your strength—those pushes were pathetic.” His attempt at humor landed a little flat but she smirked at him all the same, relieved at his effort. 

“Come along, as it turns out, neither of us is the most pitiable person under this roof tonight. Haven’t heard Scarlett groan in quite a bit so we should check his breathing.” Killian turned and left, not waiting for her to follow. 

Emma stood where she was for a minute, her nerves still tangled from moments before. Taking a step she heard a crunch and looked down. 

For a moment, the wreckage of the cabinet had been forgotten but now she saw it again. Everything from the last twenty minutes; Will’s appearance, the blood, the mess, the torrent of emotions, the kissing and biting that followed—all of it concentrated into the carnage of this sad, outdated kitchen island cabinet.

She brushed the splintered pieces out of her walking path with a swipe of her foot and followed Killian's path out of the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for what is to come:   
> Conversations about addiction  
> Drug use  
> Violence  
> Sex   
> Drinking   
> Some jealousy shit probably. 
> 
> That good good


	7. Next Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which decisions are made and things come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, tried to really comb through for mistakes this time though.

Will Scarlett stayed on Killian’s couch that night. 

Killian offered him the guest bedroom on the first floor but even Will found the mirrors on the ceiling to be “peevy” and refused. 

Emma didn’t stay long after dinner. The mood between her and Killian still felt stilted despite his determination to move past it. 

By all standards, Killian was business as usual with her throughout the night, making little comments at her beer choices or arguing with her about the best way to cook a steak—“A steak should only be ordered ‘well-done’ if you’re in a diner, Swan. I am not putting a high quality cut of meat back on the fire. At least try it.” 

“I only asked that it not be breathing by the time it was on my plate.”

“All the better to taste the flavor of the meat, love.” He winked. 

“Yeah and I like my blood pressure where it is, thank you.” She pushed the plate back in his direction. 

“You are entirely too dramatic to be taken seriously sometimes, you know that? Come now, will you not just give it a try? I promise if you don’t like it, I will put it back on the grill.” 

He put his hand over his heart and she smirked at him before cutting off a piece and eating it.  
She chewed for a while and discreetly cut off another piece.

Then another. 

“Jury’s still out,” she said. 

Killian didn’t say anything or gloat, he just smiled to himself. Then he changed the subject completely and let her finish her steak without another word about it. Yes, Killian seemed to be recovering just fine. 

It was Emma who struggled. Her own confused emotions from before resurfacing every time she caught herself staring at him. He ran a hand through his hair or he laughed loud and closed his eyes and Emma’s heart seemed to pulse stronger.

She was in a dangerous zone, she knew. 

She helped Killian check on Will one more time and then excused herself to go home. 

 

On the drive home she thought about the kiss. The aftermath that followed. Emma physically cringed when she remembered pushing him. Throwing things at him. She would have to apologize to Killian soon. 

And to August. Emma let herself groan loudly in the safe confines of her vehicle. It turned into a full on scream and that vibrated her throat even after it was over. She pulled into the parking lot and let her head rest on the steering wheel while she thought about what she would need to tell August. 

Every time she tried to approach the conversation in her head, she hit a wall. This was partly due to the fact that telling August about her kiss with Killian required her to begin evaluating her relationship with the writer. Something she had successfully avoided thinking about for weeks. After several long minutes of cycling through her thoughts, Emma gave up.

Shoving her car door open, she got out and went inside her building. When she walked in the front door, she was surprised to hear noise coming from the living room. Her keys slid across the counter and she took off her jacket while she walked through the hall. 

“August?” Emma called. 

He was sprawled out on the couch, the TV on in the background and dead asleep. 

“August.” Emma jostled his shoulder. August slowly opened his eyes, coming back to reality. 

“Hey, you’re home.” He yawned and moved to sit up as he took her in, “What are you wearing?” 

Emma froze and stared down at Killian’s clothes, a worn and faded Chelsea Football shirt and black athletic pants which were cinched so tight around her waist, the band was puckered like a paper bag. 

“Long story.” She said. 

Emma turned away quickly before the shame could bubble up and over. Now was not the time to have this conversation. She hadn’t even finished rehearsing it. A long hot bath was on the horizon—that would help. 

“I’m surprised you’re here. I thought you would be at the office all night.” Emma said, walking toward their bedroom.

“I quit my job.” August said to her back. Emma stopped in the doorway to their room, her hands braced on the frame. 

“I’m taking the job in New York.” He said.

Emma didn’t respond, her fingers digging into the wood as she struggled to figure out the new set of emotions. 

He quit. He was leaving. 

Moving across the country. 

He didn’t even tell her, they didn’t talk about it at all. 

“Emma? Did you hear me?” August stood behind her now. She nodded, turning her head to look at his hand on her shoulder. August removed it. 

“Just like that, huh?” Emma said. She was thankful her tone was calm.

“No. Not just like that, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks.” He said. 

“And when were you planning to share your thoughts with me?” She said it casually, half turning toward him. 

“It seemed like you already had your mind made up, Emma. The first night I told you, you said in no uncertain terms that you planned to stay here in LA.” August said. 

She scowled at him.

“So even though I also said I wasn’t done thinking about it, you still didn’t think to bring it up with me?” 

“I told you we would figure it out as we go, Em. I’ll fly to you sometimes and you can fly to me. In-between we can talk on the phone, or video call.” His tone turned flippant. 

Emma rolled her eyes, “August, that is not a plan. Do you understand how much work it would take to keep this together long distance? Even in the short term?” 

August made no effort to hide his exhaustion and ran his hand down his face. “What do you want me to do? Give up this opportunity?” 

This whole conversation was off the tracks, escalating so quickly. Emma’s stomach tightened with the heaviness of his statement, “No. Absolutely not. I just…I don’t think this is going to work. Not like this.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“This is a huge decision, August. And you made it without me—“

He cut her off, “I’m sorry about that but I thought it would be easier to just make the changes and figure it out while we go along.” 

“But,” Emma continued staring at her shoes, “This is a big life decision and you didn’t even process it with me. We’ve been together for two years, don’t you think it’s a red flag that you made the decision without me?” 

August sighed. “I guess so but at the same time, it’s my life. My career, Emma. I would never ask you to give up an opportunity like this if the situation were reversed.”

Emma heard him and turned the thought over in her mind, eventually granting him a small smile. “I know. I am incredibly proud of you and I know this is going to be a great opportunity for you. I would never have asked you not to take it, you have to take it.” 

August slid his hand up and down her arm, smiling back her. 

Emma lost her nerve and her eyes found the floor again, “What I’m trying to say is maybe that’s a great thing on some level, that support we have for each other. But on another, it makes me realize that this relationship might not be a high priority for either of us—“

He interrupted again, “But you just said we need to do what is right for each of us. That speaks to the level of respect and support we have for the other.”

“But I don’t think it’s normal to totally skip a conversation about a career move, do you?”

August looked even more tired and still he attempted to smooth it over, “Emma, I’m sorry. I thought we _had_ talked about it, okay? Can we please leave it alone now. The deal is done.” 

Emma’s palms started to sweat. She should just let it go. Should let them do what they always do, shelve the conversation and move on until it takes care of itself. 

But she still smelled Killian on her skin and on her clothes. Remembered the taste of his tongue sliding across hers. His growl echoed in her head and she felt the words coming out of her mouth before she could stop them. Before she could make them softer, or more gentle. 

“I kissed Killian.” August dropped his hand from her arm. His brow furrowed immediately and she watched him begin a retreat into his head. 

Before they moved to LA, before Ruby voiced her thoughts on their relationship, before Emma met Killian—before all that, Emma would have been all too fine with letting August retreat. Letting it go and waiting for him to come around on his own. Wait on him to address it later, if ever. 

But she wasn’t that person anymore. 

It wasn’t like she needed to burn it all down, but now that she was being honest and the reality of their relationship was exposed, Emma didn’t feel like letting it all go down quietly. He was moving away and she wouldn’t let this go without trying to air things out first.

Emma continued, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I know that it completely disrespects you. It was a disrespect to the relationship that we have built. I shouldn’t have let it happen, I should have talked to you. I know it’s too late to go back and change that but I’m trying now. We have been avoiding each other for weeks. Ever since you brought up this job and I haven’t wanted to talk. I haven’t known what to say or how to make it work. That is my fault for not just coming to you." 

August watched her, his expression was difficult to decipher. Emma stayed quiet, waiting for him. 

August took in a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes. “So,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “This is done, huh?” 

Emma glared at the floor, not knowing what to say.

“You weren’t fucking him this whole time and lying to me, were you?” August asked, his face pinched like he was afraid of the answer. 

“No. I wasn’t…we haven’t…Tonight was the first—and only…it was a weird night. A lot of strange things—it’s not important.” She covered her face with her hands to give herself a moment. 

“No, we only kissed. It didn’t last long or go anywhere and it isn’t going to go anywhere. It was a moment of recklessness and stupidity. I shouldn’t have done it and was very clear that it wouldn’t happen again.” Emma said.

August eyed her with skepticism, “Are you going to drop him as a client?” 

Emma didn’t respond but continued to glare at the floor. Finally she shook her head. 

August slid down the frame of the door and sat on the floor at her feet. 

 

After what felt like twenty minutes of silence, he spoke again.

“The job doesn’t start for another three weeks but I need to go to New York to find an apartment.” August rolled to his side and stood up. His eyes locked on her shirt, reading the faded Chelsea logo with a quirked eyebrow. Emma wanted to dissipate into vapor, heating up with shame. Tears came to her eyes but she didn’t dare let them fall. 

“The apartment is paid through the end of this month. The place is yours if you want it. But uh, I’m going to stay here for a couple days, get my things packed up.” His eyes finally flickered up to her face but just as quickly he looked past her and started toward the living room. She heard the sound of keys jingling and then the apartment door opening and closing behind him. 

His meaning was clear. 

To Emma’s credit, she held it together while she packed. Picking out the essentials and double checking the kitchen for anything extra she might want or need over the next few days. 

As soon as her car door was shut, she started the engine and threw the car into reverse. She idled, her foot on the brake.

Her brain was stuck. Emma tried to think about where she should go next but just couldn’t think. The tears she had been holding back for the last hour finally came. Her eyelids squeezed shut, pushing them out. She tried so hard to bring about some logical next steps but nothing happened. 

Emma stared down at her phone, her thumb hovering over Killian’s name. He already had a house guest crashing, what was one more? 

_He is a client, bitch. Be professional._

The phone started vibrating in her hand, startling her so much she almost dropped it. Mary Margaret’s name flashed over the screen. 

Emma’s stomach dropped. She wasn’t ready for this. If Mary Margaret knew she would be too invested. She would check in on Emma all the time. She would think Emma needed to talk, that she needed to cry a lot. 

That was not what Emma needed. 

Emma let it go to voicemail, relieved when the screen returned to her contacts again. She looked at Killian’s name. 

Killian would leave her alone. He would let her take her time, let her think. Killian would be there, ready to talk only when she was ready. Relief washed over her, her mind made up.

Her phone started vibrating again and she squeaked. Mary Margaret’s name appeared again. 

Resigned to her own defeat, Emma picked up. 

“Hey.” 

“Come over. Please?” Mary Margaret said. 

Emma didn't respond.

“August texted. Please come over. We have a bed already. We have missed you.” 

Despite her resolve, Emma felt the tears tracking down her cheeks again. She didn’t trust herself to speak but knew Mary Margaret couldn’t see her nod her head. 

“See you soon.” She squeezed out after a moment. 

“Drive safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard to say if the story can be told in the 12 chapters I've set. For now I'm just glad to close some loops. 
> 
> Not much of our favorite couple here, next time we will be back to our regular programming.


	8. The Negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we understand where we are and then how far is left to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, combed it for mistakes but this was a long one to edit.

Mary Margaret was completely overbearing for the first 48 hours of Emma’s stay. Emma tried her best to be grateful but not engage. This tactic only seemed to spur her sister-in-law on. Finally, after a conversation with Ruby that Emma wasn’t privy to, Mary Margaret seemed to back off a little. 

Emma was scared to talk to Ruby about the break up at first. Not just because of her friendship with August but because Emma was afraid to rehash the details out loud, sure they would be damning in many ways. Emma knew she should to tell Ruby before she found out in some other way. She was sure August would eventually talk with Ruby. The three of them were part of a tight knit crew in New York and it’s wasn’t far from the realm of possibility that Ruby would pull the conversation out of him over beers one night. 

More than anything, Emma had to talk to someone. Her sister-in-law was not a viable option. 

 

It was three days after the break up when Emma, arrived home to her freshly vacant apartment, sat down on the bed and called Ruby. 

She picked up on the first ring. 

“Finally.” Ruby said by way of greeting. 

“Hey.”

“Are you ready to talk?” Ruby was referencing their conversation from a couple days before when Emma called in reinforcements for help. Ruby was just as nosy as Mary Margaret but she knew when to keep her mouth shut and let Emma come around on her own. 

“Yes. Is now a good time?”

“Wouldn’t have picked up if it wasn’t. Then again, I would have to be physically dying of an open wound to risk missing you spill the tea on this break up.”

Emma groaned into the phone. “I only understood like half of that but just shut up a second. I have to tell you something and I need you to promise me this is between us. I don’t need a million people in my business. I need someone to listen to me, to _not_ interrupt and then, when I’m done, to tell me I’m right.”

“Understood. Although—and I realize I am risking it all by just saying this but—I do not agree to tell you that you’re right.” 

Emma was quiet. 

“Just talk already.” Ruby said finally.

“I-well I kissed Killian.” She really was not getting any better at delivering this news. 

“HOLY SH—“ Ruby started to yell.

“No interruptions, Ruby! Damn. I am already regretting this.” Emma said. Emma interpreted the eery silence on the other end of the line to mean that Ruby was taking her seriously. 

“It was a mistake, how it happened I don’t really know. Things haven’t been great with me and August lately. We’ve barely talked or seen each other since he told us about the job offer and I…I don’t know.” 

“Emma—“ Ruby started but Emma got a resurgence of energy and interrupted without apology. 

“The night we kissed was the same night that August and I broke up but it didn’t mean anything. I came home that night and August told me he was taking the job. He said he would be moving back to New York and that we could figure out long distance along the way.” Ruby tutted in disapproval and Emma plowed on.

“It was clear from everything he said that he hadn’t thought about any of it at all. He hadn’t considered how miserable both of us would be trying to stay involved in each others lives—hell just trying to stay in touch—over that distance. We never talked about the job again after the night he first mentioned it. I mean—it was incredible, our ability to ignore the elephant in the room. So how the fuck did he expect we would make a relationship work over the phone?” Emma was shouting now.

Ruby’s silence started to make Emma feel insecure, “Ruby. Please say something.” 

“I’m just listening. Right now.” Emma could tell Ruby was trying to keep her tone neutral. She rolled her eyes to herself and went on. 

“So yes, your insight into our relationship might have had an effect on the way that conversation went—“

“Hey, I didn’t mean to have you guys just break up. When I talked to you, I was trying to understand you both and maybe share a little of the view from where I stood. I hoped that eventually maybe you would both step up your game a little, take the relationship more seriously for both your sakes but…maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.” Ruby said.

“No. Don’t take it that way. I needed to hear it. Maybe if you hadn’t said it, we would still be together and we would both be miserable trying to pretend our relationship could continue to work in the new circumstances.” 

“Still, I’m sorry for how things ended. I love you both so much. I just want to see you both happy, Emma.” 

“I know.” Emma said, her voice was quiet. 

In a moment of bewilderment Emma thought she might be about to cry. 

“You know that I have to ask…” Ruby continued. 

Emma’s tears abated quick knowing that Ruby was starting to probe about the kiss.

“Seriously, it didn’t mean anything. Just a very strange night. I was over at Killian’s for our training session and then a series of very strange events happened that I am not even going to try to get into. In the midst of the emotional chaos of the circumstances, h-he started to kiss me.” Emma paused, the flare of desire spreading through her body, aching in that deeply good way. She swallowed and forced herself to continue.

“I let him. I kissed him back. Then I stopped it. Everything is fine, we are friends and nothing is going to change that.” Emma said. She realized how defensive she sounded as she spoke the words. 

“Oh my God. It was really good, wasn’t it?” 

“It—Ruby, look. It was…Like I said, there was a lot of heightened emotion, Will showed up and then there was a lot of stuff to figure out and we just. We are friends okay. Killian and me are friends and this isn’t going to change that.” Emma said again. 

Ruby’s silence following that statement felt heavy. Finally she said, “So you told August about it?” 

“Yes. I told him. I didn’t want to hide it. But I also didn’t mean for it to be the lynch pin in our break up.” 

“Was it? Is that why you broke up?”

This was what Emma was wrestling with most. What she needed most to talk about with someone.

“I guess I don’t know. Up until I told him about the kiss, August seemed to be ready to dive into long distance. After I told him, he made it clear that it was over.”

Ruby sighed, “I won’t lie to you, when you say it like that, the evidence is pretty damning but I stand by what I said a few weeks ago. You and August are wonderful people on your own but neither of you was willing to put in the work to make your relationship great. If you kissed someone else, no matter who it was, that is a symptom of a bigger problem.” 

Emma let go of a long breath. 

“Thank you. Obviously I’m not proud of what I did but I felt like shit thinking I had destroyed this over a kiss that didn’t mean anything.” 

“Yeah. So. Let’s get back to this kiss.”

“Ruby.” Emma warned.

“Fine. Fine. I hear you.” 

 

 

The fluffing sound the umbrella opening muffled Emma who was mid sentence. She paused to watch Mary Margaret struggle to pull the heavy umbrella base closer to their table on the patio. 

“You could help me. You are a lot stronger than I am,” Mary Margaret said. The base budged an inch and then stopped on an uneven paver. Emma looked back down at her computer, “Of course I am. But I’m off the clock right now.”

“No you aren’t, this is a business meeting—you are very much on the clock.” Mary Margaret halted her efforts, hands on her hips while she watched the blonde. Emma rolled her eyes and got to her feet, “This would be good for you MM. You almost never do strength training with me.” 

A couple more persistent grunts from Mary Margaret and Emma got up to help, moving the umbrella into place over the table. Emma sat down in front of her computer again, her sunglasses now pushed up into her hair and unnecessary thanks to the newfound shade.

“Back to marketing strategy. I was thinking we should have at least twenty business cards each at the premier this weekend.” Mary Margaret said.

Emma groaned and slumped her head into her hands, “I forgot about that completely. You don’t need me right? You have it locked down?” 

Mary Margaret leveled her an unamused glare. 

“We are not going over this again. Emma, you cannot back out. We are a packaged deal and that after party is going to be crawling with rising stars just begging us to help them get in shape.” Emma rolled her eyes but nodded. 

The premier really had slipped her mind in the chaos of getting her life under control. In the last two weeks since August had moved out, Emma had packed up all her things and was living out of boxes in the spare bedroom of the Nolan house. She was busy shutting down every bill in her name, forwarding her mail to a post office box and other shitty but necessary moving tasks. 

The day after the break up, eager to be both proactive and distracted, Emma sat down with David to run the numbers. The results were deeply disheartening. Somehow in the weeks leading up this inevitable move, Emma hadn’t quite figured out how she was going to begin to pay twice as much in rent and bills every month when August moved out. Looking back she reflected that it must have been well buried in the pile of other stuff she hadn’t been letting herself think mull over.

That was how, two days later, she found herself accepting David’s invitation to move back in while she shopped for a more affordable place to live. Apartment hunting was time consuming but luckily, her client list was small and for the last couple weeks all of her investments had fled the city for various trips during the hottest months of the year. 

Killian and David had been gone on business for the last two weeks. Regina was capitalizing on the current hiatus in both actors’ shooting schedules to invest in showing them off to a few networks and filmmakers in New York. Some smaller film festivals were taking place and though David didn’t really need to go, he seemed eager to tag along with Killian.

Emma had only seen Killian once since the night they kissed and still tensed up when she remembered the details.

 

_Emma sat alone on the couch in the living room, scrolling through Netflix and feeling jittery. Few things are more annoying than being suddenly single and suddenly laden with free time. Too much alone time with her thoughts was dangerous, she needed a distraction._

_Emma jumped when the front door opened, Killian stepping into view. The man she was trying so hard not to think about showing up and intruding in her private space felt like a personal attack._

_As soon as their eyes met in the living room, Emma knew she was blushing as much as he was but he diverted the conversation effectively to help them both save face, “Ah, Swan, this is a pleasant surprise. Is David here?”_

_“He and MM went out a couple hours ago, can I help you with anything?”_

_His eyebrows pinched at her overly-polite tone and he shook his head._

_“Don’t trouble yourself, I’m just here to collect my sander back from David. He said he would leave it outside for me but he must have forgotten.”_

_“It’s in the garage.” Emma stood from the couch, her body was still tense and composed as she brushed by him. Killian rolled his eyes at her back and navigated around her._

_“I said don’t trouble yourself. I know where the garage is, I’ll just get my things and be on my way.”_

_Emma glared at him. Truthfully she couldn’t say why she was treating him as if he had offended her. But now that Killian had demonstrated that he didn’t want to put up with it, she felt even more compelled to dish it out._

_“David has moved things around since you lived here. It’ll be easier if you let me look.” Emma stepped around him this time and he let her, holding his hands up in surrender._

_“After you then, Swan. I’ll keep my hands to myself lest I mess things up.” Killian said._

_Emma started rummaging through the workbench, slamming drawers and cabinets shut while Killian leaned against the wall with his arms crossed._

_“Are you going to tell me what it is I’m supposed to have done?” Killian asked. His tone was casual and succeeded in riling her up more._

_“You didn’t. I just thought I would have the house to myself and get some space but now you’re here.” Emma said. She was squatting now and looking in the lower cabinets._

_Killian’s eyes flicked to the tarp across the garage where many tools, his sander among them, sat out. It lay next to the dismantled car doors that David and Killian had been painstakingly stripping of paint just a week ago._

_He didn’t move, instead resting his eyes again on the blonde at his feet just in time to watch as she opened the next cabinet and several boxes of screws tumbled out, bursting on the floor._

_“Shit.” She said._

_Killian bent down to help clean them up. “Far be it from me to disturb alone time, Swan. You’ll understand my own confusion at the matter considering I presumed you might be in your own home getting your ‘space’.” Emma’s lips pressed together but she continued gathering screws._

_“Yeah,” she said eventually, “Not today.”_

_They didn’t speak again. Once the screws were put away, Emma doggedly put a hand on the next cabinet door and Killian slapped a hand to it, keeping it shut. She glared at him and looked where he was pointing, her eyes falling on the tarp and the tools. Without another word, Killian crossed the garage, picked up his things and left._

_Emma returned to the living room, watching out the window as Killian threw his tools in the trunk and slammed the doors shut before speeding away._

_In her stomach, the guilt welled up and went to war with the ongoing anger she was harboring toward him. Emma couldn’t pinpoint why she was so frustrated with him. Things with Killian really were fine but she couldn’t bring herself to be normal around him._

_Much later that night, she stared at her phone while she laid in bed nursing her insomnia. She contemplated sending Killian a message._

_Emma typed out an explanation, starting with why she was at the house and then why she was upset with him. It grew lengthy and when she read it back she got terrified at everything it said both explicit and implicit and erased it._

_She began to type an excuse, saying she was simply feeling moody. She wasn’t trying to direct it at him, he just happened to show up and become a target. When she read it back it seemed very tender, vulnerable. It left room for follow up questions. She erased that too._

_Emma began to type out something else entirely._

_E: **David and MM brought home food from that taco truck you were talking about. It was good.** _

_She hesitated for a moment and then sent it, tossing her phone on the bed next to her.  
Her arm lay across her eyes and she tried to pretend to be asleep to trick her mind into doing it. Though her ears were alert and attuned to the slightest noise. _

_After a few minutes of silence, Emma caved and snatched up her phone, pulling up the message._

_She saw the dots appear to show he was typing and her heart beat faster._

_The dots went away._

_The dots appeared and then disappeared again without a new message and Emma felt her mouth becoming dry. She tossed her phone under the pillows next to her and put a pillow over her own head._

_Sleep eluded her for the next twenty minutes while she punched the pillow into shape over and over. The muffled buzz of her phone set her heart racing again. Tentatively, she reached for it._

_K: **Tempting as it is to accept this meager olive branch and move on, I have been working on being more honest of late. That said, I’m not very interested in brushing over whatever frustration you have with me that brought on the display this afternoon. When you’re interested in a candid conversation, you know where to find me.** _

_Emma physically gulped and almost dropped her phone when he sent another message._

_K: **Until then, enjoy the tacos. As I said, they are high quality.**_

_She didn’t respond._

_After several unsuccessful hours of sleep she got out of bed, finally settling on an old pastime of hers and one not visited in years. Emma pulled her old coveralls out from one of the clothes boxes and went to the garage._

_Looking around, she set her eyes on the table of parts. She and David used to collect the broken parts of junk cars so they could learn from them. In the months following Ruth’s death, they sat in the garage of their old house, quietly taking things apart and trying to put them back together. Neither of them felt the need to talk, the work became a therapeutic escape for them both. One that served to make them both feel a little less alone in the world._

_Eventually, they moved out of the house and into this new home with Mary Margaret and their pastime fell away from them both. They still worked on cars together from time to time but both of them tried to invest in new avenues with their new home. That was how Emma got interested in being a fitness trainer. She took up the habit of going to the gym with Mary Margaret and coming home to make nutritious meals that didn’t totally undo their work but were actually enjoyable._

_Emma moved out eventually. Deciding the time had come to leave the nest and forge her own path so she moved to New York, bunked with Ruby for a while and then August._

_Her hands ran over the gritty metal facing of a carburetor. She had forgotten what this meant to her, how did she forget? New habits, new people, apartments with no room to breath much less work on anything that requires this amount of tools and space._

_Not having touched the tools in years, Emma was surprised to realize how much she still knew about the mechanics as she carefully began dismantling a carburetor. Something in her head, something that felt like it had been pacing for months and months seemed to settle down and curl up in a corner._

_Mary Margaret found her there in the next morning, bags under her eyes while she tinkered with an old fuel pump. Emma looked at her, her eyes exhausted but somehow more rested than she had looked in months. Mary Margaret brought her a coffee and sat with her the rest of the morning._

 

Killian and David had been gone a week with Regina. David was in touch with Emma every now and then through texts but it was a picture from Ruby that got Emma to think about reaching out to Killian again. 

Apparently the three of them had met up for drinks while they were in town and Ruby took a selfie of them all in a booth at a familiar bar in town. In the photo Ruby was blowing a kiss to her, David was crossing his eyes on her left and then there was Killian. A forced smile on his face, his arms crossed and his eyes screamed out his own frustration at her through the photo. 

R: **Some of us are more natural in front of the camera than others…**

That night as Emma lay in bed, sleep once again evading her, she stared at the photo. Her finger brushing over his face while she absently bit her thumbnail. The time she had been spending in the garage had brought a clarity to her mind that had been missing for some time. Working, doing things with her hands made it so much easier and safer to ask herself difficult questions. Quietly working out answers the same way she fit parts back together. 

 

The message to Killian was pulled up again and Emma tried not to overthink as she typed out a message that was meaningful without making her want to vomit from vulnerability.

E: **I’m sorry for how I treated you last week. I don’t really have an excuse for it, but I’m sorry.**

Emma only had to wait a few minutes for a response, the relief palpable in her body as she read it.

K: **Finally. Do you understand how difficult it has been to be stuck with your brother and best friend for a week with nary a person to complain to? I knew you didn’t hate me but I was starting to wonder if this was somehow an extended form of punishment.**

Emma smiled, warmth spreading from her chest and into her stomach as the smile turned into a laugh. Seizing the sweep of boldness that came with the feeling she typed back quickly.

E: **No punishment intended and I would never intentionally deprive someone of such an important lifeline. We can start a therapy session whenever you’re ready.**

The phone was quiet for a long five minutes before it buzzed again. Killian was calling her. Emma’s heart jumped into her throat and it was impossible to untangle the sudden feeling of excitement from the newfound dread. There wasn’t enough time. 

When she answered, it was with a breathless, “Hi.” 

Killian let out a nervous chuckle, “Swan.” 

Emma could hear the smile in his voice and her breath returned, “Well…this is your time. I’m all ears.” 

Killian laughed and the conversation was oddly formal at first, both of them feeling out the other with small talk. Once prompted again, Killian began to break down the particulars of the week with David, Ruby and Regina. Emma interjected here and there, playing her part and asking, “And how did that make you feel?” Grinning like a fool when it got a laugh out of the man. 

Killian, for his part, paused now and then to say, “How much time is left my session, Doc?” 

The second time he asked, Emma laughed and followed it up, “Let’s just say I’ll grant you extended time as penance for my own transgression against you.” 

The line grew quiet and the smile faded from Emma’s lips a little. 

“You promise I haven’t done anything to anger you, love?” Killian said, the worry that she hoped had been put to rest with a measly one line text had clearly not been resolved. 

Emma’s voice faltered at the sharp turn of the conversation, “Y-yes, I promise. It…it was nothing. Just a weird day. That’s all.” 

“But you will tell me if I ever do something that upsets you?” 

This question made Emma remember the night everything went to hell and it resurfaced an apology that she meant to give to Killian. A small sense of anxiety welled up and Emma tried to push forward again without overthinking it.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to say, well, I’ve been wanting to tell you that I am sorry.”

“Emma, you don’t have to, I get it. It was just a bad day, I don’t mean for you to rake yourself over the coals. I do want you to be direct with me. Give me a chance to fix things if I mess them up.” Killian said. 

Emma’s hands were shaking and she couldn’t figure out why. 

“No-not for that day. I mean, I am sorry about that day but this is something else I need to apologize for. I’m…” Emma paused and readjusted in her bed. Her knees pulled tight into her chest and her hand sandwiched hard between her knees while the other hand pressed the phone to her ear. 

Killian gave her time to collect her thoughts, his tempered breathing assuring her that he was still there while she composed her words. 

“I shouldn’t have pushed you. That night. I pushed you and threw things at you and I shouldn’t have done that—you don’t deserve it. I had no right and I have no excuse either. I am—I am so sorry.” Emma’s squeezed her eyes shut, not quite able to believe that she was crying once again but also feeling unable to control it. At least she was silent about it.

Killian sighed into the phone, “Aye, I’m not very proud of the way I handled that myself. For what it’s worth, I do forgive you. I was trying to get under your skin, Emma. I meant to provoke you. For that, I apologize, you deserve better from me.” 

The tears kept falling silently and she didn’t trust herself to speak. 

“Swan? Emma?” Killian said, hesitance in his voice. 

Emma opened her mouth and to her own horror, audibly gasped a breath. The noise gave away the game completely. Killian sighed again in relief knowing she was still there. 

His tone softened, “Thank you for saying something. I know it’s not easy to apologize for something in the past. It’s easier to let time pass by and hope that is enough to cover any wrongdoings. It-it means so much to me, your words.” 

Emma muted her microphone and quickly blew her nose. She could not understand where this wealth of emotion was coming from but her chest was aching from trying to control her breathing and stop the crying. 

When she unmuted her microphone, she croaked her words. “It means a lot to me too. Thank you for saying all that, I-I forgive you too.” 

Emma tried to say more. Tried to express her gratitude at his unexpected words. Truthfully, she had no earthly idea how to respond because she couldn’t think of a time in her life where she had participated in such a healthy and sincere exchange of apologies and mutual forgiveness. She missed him so much in that moment, wanting so badly to see his face as they talked.

Killian’s breathing quickened and she wondered what he was thinking. 

“There is nothing I could desire more ardently in this moment than to be with you. To be having this conversation with you in person.” Killian whispered. 

Emma felt her heart pulse in her chest, a newfound adrenaline pumping away and electrifying every nerve ending in her body. Her breathing was heavy too and she pressed the phone harder to her ear, straining to hear him, pretending she could feel his every exhale on her face and neck. 

“Do you?” Killian’s voice sounded so strained now, “Do you wish that…at all?” 

She whispered, unsure if she wanted him to hear it, “Yes.” 

Killian spoke softly in return, “This friendship with you is…the best thing I could have asked for at this time in my life. But I—I don’t want to scare you but I cannot stop thinking about you. I try not to, I heard what you said and I know there is that bloody boyfriend of yours and I know that you need us to be friends for now.” 

Killian took a breath and Emma panicked realizing he didn’t know that she and August weren’t together anymore. She just assumed that somewhere in two weeks with David and certainly just two minutes with Ruby would have uncovered that piece of news. 

Emma blinked and almost interrupted Killian who seemed to have gathered the words again. 

“I can do that for you, love. I can be your friend but in all candor you need to know that my desire is to give you so much more.”

Emma unconsciously clutched at her chest, perhaps trying to make sure the pumping of her heart wouldn’t cause her whole body to shut down. She felt lightheaded and after a little too long realized she hadn’t been breathing. 

After a shaky exhale she finally was able to push out words, “Killian, you—your friendship has been important to me. This…I think about you too but—“

Killian cut her off, “Wait. Please, I don’t want to make you say it. Not again.” He tried to chuckle, “This would be the third time in as many months that you will have rejected me and a man’s ego can only take so much. I am not even meaning to chase after a taken woman right now, bloody hell. I simply intend to be truthful and let you know where I stand.”

“I’m just not sure I can give you what you need.” Emma said.

Killian’s laugh had a slightly bitter edge now, “And who are you to judge what I need, Swan? Can I not decide that for myself?” 

Emma started to cry again, this conversation not going at all like she meant, “Of course you can, Killian. But I don’t really know that I have anything to give to anyone.” 

Privately, she wondered if she had enough to even give to herself these days. Realizing how close this was to the truth was painful and embarrassing. Since everything between the two of them seemed to be imploding, she added more fuel to the fire. 

“August and I broke up.” 

“You broke up.” He sounded dumbfounded. 

“God I am so stupid.” She pressed her hand over her eyes, “I thought Ruby or David would have told you by now. Yes, we broke up. He is back in New York and I had to move back in with David and MM because I couldn’t afford my apartment on my own. That’s why I was at their house when you came over the other day.” Confessing all of this did not help to lower the amount of humiliation she was already feeling. 

“You broke up.”

“Yes.” She said, exasperated. 

“When?”

“A couple weeks ago.” Emma knew what he was hunting for and she would be damned if she went down without a fight. 

“A couple weeks ago. Did our kiss have anything to do with it?” 

Emma weighed the answer to this, knowing that he asked the question directly and she wanted to tell him the truth. “Yes and no. August and I had a lot of problems. The fact that I kissed another man was a symptom of a bigger issue—or so Ruby says.” 

When he didn’t say anything for a moment Emma said, “Were you hoping to break us up?” 

Killian was frustrated but careful when he spoke, “If you are asking if I was hoping that by kissing you I would destroy a different relationship in your life—the answer is absolutely not, Swan. That is calculated and cruel. When I kissed you, I wasn’t thinking about your boyfriend. I was thinking about you. Just you.” He practically growled into the phone in frustration.

Emma pressed the phone close to her ear again while he continued his tone taking a slow and sensual turn, “That night, holding you, kissing your neck, feeling you in my arms, under my hands…” 

Emma’s breath hitched, “tasting you, your lips, your tongue…that was about you. It was about the fact that I couldn’t stand not knowing what your skin felt like on my lips. How deeply I desire to touch every inch of you, to taste every part of you. 

“It was about my need to show you how good I want to make you feel, if you’ll let me.” Emma gave an involuntary whimper and Killian seemed to realize how far he had taken the conversation and tried to bring it back home. 

Killian’s voice sounded flustered and he whispered a curse to himself. 

He began to steer back to answering her question, sounding strained again, “I have not been shy about expressing my feelings about us and I know I cannot keep it to myself or pretend otherwise but I was never telling you these things to break up your previous relationship. 

“My telling you about my desires and my intentions is simply in the name of honesty. I thought it more dishonorable to stand next to you in the guise of friendship when I know I want to give you something more. When I thought you were still with August my only hope was that you would understand the truth of what I feel for you. Any decision you make about another relationship is up to you but I will not hide from you. I told you I expect you to be direct with me and I promise to do the same with you.”

Emma’s head felt full. The wealth of information and fervor having briefly stunned her. 

“I think I understand.” She said, though a part of her wished he didn’t feel the need to tell her any of it. He was rocking the boat and she feared it was about ready to capsize. Still, Emma moved forward, deciding honesty might help her untangle the mess in her head.

“The night we kissed I came home and August told me he was taking a job in New York. He wanted to talk about making things work long distance but by the time he decided to take the job, it was clear to me that our communication skills were already…lacking. Putting 3,000 miles between us wasn’t going to improve them.” Coming around to the final point, the part she did not want to talk about, she started to rush. 

“I had planned on telling him the truth, about my part in kissing you but the way it came out was…not great. I basically told him that I felt like long distance was not going to work and then told him that I kissed another man. 

“These last couple of weeks have not held my proudest moments. Between that, moving back in with my brother and in general realizing how far I am from where I want to be as a person, I…I could really use a friend just now.” Emma finished, a touch of desperation returning to her tone and she took up chewing on her thumbnail again.

“So, just to be sure I have this straight, you are single?”

“Yes.”

“And you are not completely heart sick over your former paramour?”

“…Correct. I know I don’t want to be with him but—“

“But you need some time for yourself.” Killian finished.

Emma nodded finally adding, “Yes.”

“And the feelings I have for you, are they one sided?” He asked.

Despite Killian telling her earlier that he did not want to be rejected again, here he was, setting it up for her. Emma thought about it, the pressure of the situation. She thought about lying. Lying to herself, to him, to Ruby and everyone else. She was just so tired. “They are not one sided.” 

She could practically hear the hope filling him up like a balloon and she remembered her own tentative temper, mood swings and stoppered emotions—the destruction that came with it and she couldn’t help the amendment that came out, “But nothing will happen, Killian. That’s what I’m trying to say. Nothing can happen with us—I should not be with anyone right now. I will only hurt you and let you down and take my anger out on you. I don’t want to do that to you. I can’t do that to you.” 

“Not now, love. I understand you need time right now. But not never?” 

Emma closed her eyes, pained by the question. The idea of Killian, being with him was so good. It felt so right in so many ways. 

But she discovered a lot about herself this last week. Enough to know that if she jumped into bed with Killian, she would do the exact same thing she did with August—lose herself. Finally she felt like she was waking up. She couldn’t take the risk of losing herself and driving Killian away in the process. 

“Don’t wait for me. I’m not worth it, I can’t promise I’ll be worth it.”

“Emma, you’re—“

“No. I’m not being self-deprecating here. I don’t know how to be friends with you right now if you’re going to be waiting for me. It’s a lot of pressure and I can’t say what it even means for me to be ready. I just know that I’m not right now. 

“If,” Emma steeled herself to say what she desperately fought saying two weeks ago. “If you don’t think you can be around me, be my friend, I understand. I don’t want to hurt you and I will understand…” She trailed off, feeling her point was made without saying it again.

Killian was quiet for a long time. 

After a couple minutes he helpfully added, “I’m thinking.” 

Her answering giggle was nervous. 

“All right, Swan.” 

The pregnant pause that followed was the hardest moment of the entire phone call. Emma grew fearful of being dismissed from his life completely and unbidden panic began to take over. She has to force herself to listen. 

“I think maybe I need to think about this more. I want to have an answer for you right now but I am incredibly confused about the right thing to do here. You know what I want. I don’t know how to change that nor do I want to change it. But the very last thing I would ever want to do is to make you feel like your wants and needs are second to my own. I cannot truthfully say that it is possible for me to be around you and not want you. Not right now.” 

Emma felt so small. Her heart felt constricted and she wanted to give into the elation of his words while the fear of his decision to leave was hanging overhead. 

“Emma?” 

“Yes.” She whispered. 

“When I come home, just a week from now, we can sit down and talk? In person?” Killian asked. 

“Yes, okay.” 

Killian could sense her hesitation—could feel her pulling away and retreating. 

“Don’t go anywhere on me, Swan. Give me a week.” He repeated to her.

Emma nodded and realized he couldn’t see her, “See you then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up on:::The mUsTaNg
> 
> A conversation  
> A fancy night out  
> Probs more angst  
> Healthy Self-Development
> 
> titillating...


	9. Good Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we have a fancy night out and trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said my posting got ahead of my writing and it was true. 
> 
> It's still true but this just came out in one long sitting over this weekend.
> 
> Now I am back to square one. 
> 
> Just me, my outline and all my typos and mistakes because:
> 
> No beta.

The morning after their phone call, Emma woke up to an excruciating vulnerability hangover. This feeling was completely foreign. She never shared too much because, frankly, she never really shared. An indulgence into the occasional heart-to-heart with Mary Margaret not-with-standing, her bald honesty with Killian was the first time she had divulged that much information to anyone, even herself. 

She wanted to feel calm but she all she felt was torn open. Like she had cut her own chest open and walked around with an open wound on display. It was unsafe. 

The next day, she and Mary Margaret set up a FaceTime date with David and Killian—their two main clients at the moment. Going away for two weeks during an already accelerated training schedule wasn’t the best idea for Killian so Emma had given him a week worth of training to do on his own before he left. They scheduled this check in on the second week to see how it was going and make adjustments as needed. 

The whole chat had been brief and mostly consisted of Mary Margaret talking about everything except work. Killian watched Emma the whole time, eyes soft as he looked at her. Emma for her part couldn’t deny the sense of peace that came over her from seeing his face again after their conversation. He was still there, he didn’t seem to be full of regret or remotely panicked. For her part, Emma bit her nails throughout the call and permitted herself an occasional flitting of the eyes to look at Killian. 

The chat was over too soon and with the ending of the call, the momentary relief Emma felt disappeared along with it. 

 

It was a long fucking week. Days crept by slowly. There was still little to do—all of her clients gone, no apartment prospects lined up and no real project car to work on.

Every part in the garage had been dismantled and put back together at least twice. Her insomnia didn’t help but rather left her with twice the time to stew over things and twice the time to fail in drumming up a good distraction.

Despite the borderline obsessive frequency with which she checked her phone, Killian did not reach out again. No calls, no texts. 

During one of many 4AM dialogues with herself, Emma decided this was a good thing. If nothing else, it would be easier to get used to Killian pulling away from her—the inevitable outcome. 

By Thursday, Emma permitted herself to bring it up to Mary Margaret in a veiled search for information. 

“It’s been a bit since I’ve heard from the guys. They better be keeping up with their regimen.” Emma said over the bowl of freshly snipped green beans. 

Mary Margaret paused briefly, her eyes going big. She dialed back and tried to maintain a breezy demeanor again, “Oh yeah? Weird. I’m sure they are, they probably got busy. They wouldn’t dare cross you.” She finished with a forced chuckle.

Emma quirked an eyebrow, “What's going on?”

“Nothing! Why would you think something is going on? I just said…Fuck I’m a terrible liar.” Mary Margaret groaned to herself and quickly wiped her hands on a towel. 

She turned to Emma and put her hands on her shoulders to get her attention.

“Emma, you know how bad I am at keeping secrets,” Mary Margaret started. 

Emma started to get actually worried at these words, “What the hell is going on? If you know something then—“

“I want to talk to you but it’s not my thing to tell. You know how hard it is for me to keep something to myself which is why I am asking you to please, please not ask me.” Mary Margaret seemed on the point of hysterics. Emma felt her own eyes bugging out just watching her sister-in-law begin to fret about it. 

“Calm down. I-I guess you don’t have to tell me but at least promise me everything is okay? No one is in danger, right? You know where they are and that they are okay?” Emma asked.

Mary Margaret relaxed marginally, “Yes, of course they are all right. Just maybe don’t mention it to them?” She resumed her stance at the stove top putting her back to Emma. 

“Sure thing.” Emma said.

 

The night of the premier was about as anxiety-inducing as you might expect. The film was not slated to be a massive blockbuster by any means. The tickets had been procured by Regina whose client was in the movie but did not plan to attend. The fortunate news was they wouldn’t be walking the red carpet. The downside was they still had to blend in with the Hollywood elite and fashionable if they were hoping to land clients who cared about _becoming_ the Hollywood elite and fashionable. 

Emma was able to shop Mary Margaret’s closet to find a suitable dress for the occasion. The premier was for a comedy and it was the hottest month of the year so she felt reasonably confident wearing a slinky black dress even though it didn’t scream formal. 

The plunging neck line was just barely on upside of tasteful and the slit in the skirt was cut a few inches below her hip. It was something of a shock that Mary Margaret even had this in her closet but Emma was grateful all the same and if it helped to reel in clientele, who could complain?

When evening rolled around they got in the car Regina had ordered for them— _”If you are cashing in my client’s tickets, you are not pulling up in a_ Nissan Rogue _.”_

For the entire car ride, Emma fidgeted with her nails. Killian would be home this weekend and as much as she was dreading the impending conversation, she couldn’t get it out of her mind. 

Mary Margaret’s phone was ringing as they pulled up to the theater. Emma dealt with the tickets and the usher walked them to the auditorium. As they took their seats Mary Margaret hung up and leaned over to Emma, “That was David. He and Killian landed early!” 

Emma tried to look mildly surprised to mask the crippling fear she suddenly felt. After a week of silence and ruminating, she had to get this conversation over with—tonight, if possible. 

Attempting to be discreet, she pulled out her phone and covered the light with her purse. She tried to stymy the sweeping disappointment when she saw no text or missed call from Killian. Should she try to see him tonight? 

A part of her, a part that she wouldn’t acknowledge was present, was thrilled at the idea of showing up at his place tonight wearing this dress. She opened his messages and typed something out. 

E: **Just got word you landed already, is this just hearsay?**

Mary Margaret was looking over at her so Emma skipped right over the hesitation and sent the message without thinking twice. She quickly stashed the phone back in her purse. 

Halfway through the movie she noticed a return message from him.

K: **Let me guess, those damn paps got a terribly dashing photo of me exiting LAX. Have you got a Google Alert set for me, Swan? I would be utterly delighted if you did.**

Emma couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face and Mary Margaret looked at her sharply, “Who are you talking to?” 

“Ruby.” Emma whispered. She pushed her phone deeper into her purse and clipped it closed for the rest of the movie. 

 

When the lights came up Mary Margaret hurriedly reached into her bag, pulling out a small stack of papers and giving half to Emma.

“Don’t forget, the objective is to get all of these handed out tonight but you _have to engage people in conversation first_.” Mary Margaret was clutching Emma’s wrist to drive the point home. 

“People want to feel like you are invested in their lives before they will buy from you. It’s important to ask good questions and listen carefully before you bring up the business. Remember--we want people to feel like this meeting is organic. Fate even. I don’t care. 

“I want them to believe that our meeting tonight is a sign. A sign that they need to get their shit together and get serious about their career by investing in our services.”

Mary Margaret was sporting intense crazy eyes by the end and Emma didn’t bother to hide the laugh that followed this speech. 

“Okay wow, calm down MM. It’s almost as if it’s _your_ livelihood on the line and not mine. Trust me, I want to get more clients as well. I’m not trying to live with you forever.” Emma said, removing her sister-in-law’s hand from her wrist. 

“I know you do, Emma. I just want to make sure we are on the same page when it comes to strategy. When it comes to the actual training portion, I have no doubts or reservations in your ability to deliver. But you have to admit, your networking skills need work.”

Emma rolled her eyes but said, “I read you loud and clear, boss.” Emma saluted her business partner and tucked the cards into her purse. 

“I’m going to run to the bathroom before the next thing.” Emma said getting to her feet. 

Both women entered the bathroom and Emma pulled her phone out of her purse as soon as she was safely hidden in her stall. She typed a message out to Killian. 

E: **Maybe you missed the memo but I happen to live with the loudest loud mouth in all of LA.**

K: **Ah yes, that does ring a bell. Your informant is correct, I am back safely in my abode. And not too soon—New York is not all it’s cracked up to be, Swan. Everything is much too compact. I prefer the room to spread out myself.**

Emma smiled and chewed her lip. She didn’t mean to ask this so quickly but she could hear Mary Margaret adjusting her dress in the next stall. Time was running out and she wasn’t positive she would get another window of opportunity to ask. Hoping she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt, she typed and sent another message. 

E: **Think I could stop by tonight? If you’re tired from the trip we can pick a different day. I just thought I’d ask.**

K: **Are you and Mary Margaret not attending that premier tonight? She told David it took no less than three hours to get ready for it.**

E: **No, we are here now. And God, I hope it wasn't actually three hours but picking a dress for these things is a nightmare.**

“Emma?” Mary Margaret asked. 

“Be out in a second.” Emma used the restroom as fast as possible.

K: **You’re killing me, Swan. Please tell me I get to see you in your dress.**

E: **Down boy. I was thinking I could come over after the event, if that works for you. It just might be a little late.**

Emma left the stall and came out to wash her hands.

“Come on, you ready for this?” Mary Margaret asked her, exiting the bathroom and completely mistaking Emma’s nervous energy as work-related. 

“Of course. I’ve been doing some mental prep.” She answered breathlessly, glancing down at her phone again.

Killian typed a few times and then stopped again. 

K: **I would very much like to see you tonight.**

 

The after party was at a hotel nearby. The pool-side setting was predictably trendy with the mixture of vintage couches and settees adorning the perimeters and chintzy gold accents littered the small round bar tables. Emma and Mary Margaret had already managed to hand out a number of business cards. Emma was personally feeling very proud of herself for handling a group conversation that ended in five people asking for her contact information.

Near the end, Emma managed to isolate herself for a break in a quiet corner of the party. Leaning against the hightop table, she watched the other attendees mingling while she finished her glass of wine. Mary Margaret wasn’t anywhere that she could see. Emma looked down at her phone, checking the time again and decided give the party ten more minutes before cutting and hailing a Lyft. 

“Emma, right?” 

She startled and looked up to see a man with curly dark hair and a tux, the tabs of his bowtie hanging limp around the opened collar of his shirt. He laughed at her reaction. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said. Something about him seemed vaguely familiar but she couldn’t remember.

“Oh no, I just didn’t realize anyone was around. I’m so sorry but have we met?” Emma asked.

He flashed her a bashful but uncomfortable smile, “Ah. Yes actually. I don’t expect you to remember. It was a few months ago now. You’re uh, you know David? David Nolan, I think he is your brother or friend or something? Anyway we met at a party at his house—Graham.” He put his hand out to shake hers and Emma pinched her face together in embarrassment.

“Yes, God. I’m so sorry, yes of course I remember you.” Emma said. 

Graham nervously chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets, “Of course you do—I’m sure it’s hard to forget the asshat that spills his drink all over you. But when you didn’t make the connection immediately, I began to hope that maybe a miracle had occurred and I would get the chance to make a better first impression.” 

Emma laughed at that and loudly, “That ship has definitely sailed. Do you know that it is chemically impossible to get sangria out of white linen no matter how many life hacks you look up? After the third failed attempt, I gave up the ghost and paid for the dry cleaning.” She smirked at him.

Graham was smiling too though he was completely red in the face. “Of course. That’s perfect.” 

He covered his eyes with his hand and playfully groaned, “All right—here is my bid for a decent second impression,” he clasped his hands in front of his chest and looked so much like a boy scout that she laughed again. “Please, please let me repay you for the cost of the cleaning. I am sincerely embarrassed at my behavior for that night and this gesture would help me far more than it would you.” 

Emma rolled her eyes but was still smiling. In all retrospect, that spill was the best thing that could have happen that night. It was the night she met Killian. 

 

_Emma sat on the low stone wall on the patio. It was the perfect spot to sit and people watch. Anyone coming out the kitchen door passed right by without seeing her and if she leaned against the wall of the house and stretched her legs out on the stone ledge, the shadow of the house made it next to impossible to see her in the dark._

_As she looked around at all the people in attendance she felt she was beginning to get a scope for how much she had missed in the lives of David and Mary Margaret while she was away in New York. Emma barely recognized anyone and she wondered again if they were better friends with her brother or with Killian—whom she still had yet to meet._

_It was his moving out party but since Emma had been back in town less than a week, she hadn’t had the chance to actually meet him._

_Her arms were crossed over her chest and the loneliness she had been struggling the stave off was creeping in. She knew she should probably just mingle a little. Her feelings were only exacerbated by her current wallflower-state. It would be easy if August were here. She could stand next to him and let him do all the talking without having to lift a finger socially._

_Looking around she could pick out Regina at least by her posture. She was standing with her arms crossed by the pool and talking with someone too far away to make out. Graham, she remembered looking back now, had been the guy that knocked over the lawn chair on his way to get another glass of sangria from the bar._

_He was on his way back into the house with a fresh cup when he stumbled over his own feet and fell into the stone wall just next to the kitchen entrance. Right into Emma._

_“Fuck!” Emma yelled. The white linen jumpsuit hugging her body now had an artful splash of purple that covered her from breast to thigh._

_“Oh no. Oh shit. Shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you and well,” Graham ran a hand through his hair and looked behind him, “Fuck. I don’t know what I tripped over just now but I tripped. I’m so sorry can I, can I do anything or help you?” He stepped toward her and she put her hands in the air to keep him away and he halted._

_“It’s cool, it was accident.” Emma kicked her legs off the wall and stood, carefully stepping around Graham who looked like he was about to go after her._

_“Really—don’t worry about it. I’m going to go see if Mary Margaret has anything I can borrow. Enjoy the party.”_

_Turning away before his inebriated brain could catch up, she disappeared around the corner and shut the hallway door behind her firmly. Now she was here, she realized her mistake. She turned to the wrong side of the house. Mary Margaret and David’s room was on the east side—along with a dry and unstained change of clothes. Getting there required crossing through the living room and possibly the kitchen given how densely packed the whole place felt. Emma groaned and leaned back against the hall door._

_The noise from the party was muffled, the quiet and stillness of the atmosphere started to sink in. This had been her side of the house not so long ago. It wasn’t hers now, she knew, but she couldn’t help the overwhelming curiosity that took over. If she was honest, she had been insanely curious for the last year, wondering who the hell this Killian Jones was and how he managed to earn the protection of her family._

_Alone in the dark and quiet of the hallway, she felt freer than ever to explore. When would a better opportunity present itself? Gingerly, Emma moved away from the hallway door and toward the guest bedroom that used to be hers._

_It was intimidating, opening the door and turning on the lights. She knew she wasn’t actually replaced but she wasn’t eager to see the transformation of the space. Killian lived here now and it was natural that the bedroom should reflect the new inhabitant. Emma steeled herself, reminding herself again not to take it personally._

_The light flicked on and Emma stared._

_Everything was the same, more or less. Some of her posters were taken down from the walls and the bedding was new. Of course, she took the bedding with her when she moved so she at least knew that would change. Still, there didn’t seem to be that many changes. Emma stepped further into the room, moving closer to see the new pictures on the walls._

_For the most part, they were pictures she recognized. One of Ruth and David sharing watermelon in the back yard of the old house. Emma and Mary Margaret at the bachelorette party she threw for her sister-in-law._

_A Christmas photo that made her laugh because she remembered feeling humiliated at the “brother-sister” photo Mary Margaret insisted on creating. She had bought matching pajamas for David and Emma. Emma refused put them on. In the photo Ruth was holding up the pajamas and demanding Emma just go along with it ‘for the sake of an old woman’ while David attempted to wrangle Emma by the waist while she laughed._

_Next to those were a couple pictures of her and Ruby from the last couple of years in New York that she realized Mary Margaret must have downloaded from Ruby’s facebook. To have them printed and hung up made Emma feel strangely warm. Mary Margaret hadn’t even been there for these moments but she kept track of Emma's life and made sure to add to pictures the family album adorning the walls. In doing so she made sure Emma stayed woven into their family even from thousands of miles away._

_Now she noticed, Emma came across photos she had never seen before. Photos from the last year in LA—the years she had been gone. There were a series that held a combination of Mary Margaret, David and Killian. She knew who he was by sight—it was impossible not to know what he looked like with Ruby for a roommate. In fact, living with Ruby during the heyday of_ Pine Country _meant Emma knew way more about Killian Jones than she wanted before he ever even met her brother._

_When David told Emma they had not only befriended the tv star but that he was moving into their home for the foreseeable future, Emma suffered a bout of deep-seated confusion. She was unable to reconcile the fictional world Ruby verbally obsessed over (in which hot thirty-somethings rode around in motorcycle gangs and tried to kill each other) with the private and tenuous world that Emma called her only real home on earth._

_It took a while to get used to and for her part, Emma dealt with it by ignoring it. Not long after, she dived into a relationship with her friend, August, and forged new roots in the city._

_Looking at the photos now, she realized how little she knew about this last year at all._

_The first was a snapshot of Killian and David standing in front of the patio fireplace, smoking cigars and wearing overcoats. David and Mary Margaret on a weekend getaway to Napa probably on their anniversary trip. In another, Killian was cooking in the kitchen under the careful instruction of Mary Margaret._

_The Thanksgiving photo stung the most. Emma didn’t come home for the holidays at all this last year, no matter how many times Mary Margaret and David asked. It was the only photo with all three of them in it, Killian standing to David’s left while David hugged Mary Margaret in front of him. It was a crooked shot, Killian’s extended arm taking up a chunk of the photo from where he was holding the phone out. Emma took in the scene, feeling a little twisted up again._

_She crossed her arms and backed away from the wall, moving over to the armoire in the corner. On it sat a large frame and carefully matted photo. Emma blinked a couple times, not sure if she was seeing it right._

_It was a picture of Emma at the old workshop in Tallahassee. In it, she was wearing her grease-stained coveralls, the dark gray ones with thin white pinstripes. Her elbow rested on the shoulder of Robert Nolan. His smile was gruff and Emma hiccuped a laugh remembering less-than-sunny demeanor of her adoptive father, her eyes immediately getting misty._

_James was in the photo too, standing a couple feet away with his foot cocked back to rest on the fender of the car behind him. He was squinting in the sun and the visual reminder of his existence brought about a sudden sadness that quickly turned into anger._

_“Where the fuck did you go, you asshole.” Emma muttered brushing the picture._

_The presence of this photo in the room stunned her most. It was one that Emma herself would have picked to hang up eventually but one she also knew would be a sore spot for David. It was not a secret that David felt removed from that part of her life and this image especially represented his own estrangement from his father and brother._

_Still, Mary Margaret had it hung up. In a special, prominent spot of the room, was a piece of Emma’s family history, grafted into the rest of the stories already on display. Emma held the frame in her hands, bringing it closer to her face._

_“Um, hi.”_

_Emma whipped around. Killian stood in the doorway, an earnest look on his face._

_Not unlike when Emma first heard Killian would be moving in, she encountered that vertigo-like confusion. The man she had been hearing about for the last year but only encountered through photos and stories now stood in the flesh before her and she couldn’t reconcile the two._

_Emma furrowed her eyebrows at him which succeeded in making him more uncomfortable. He ripped his eyes away from hers and lifted up the things he was holding._

_“I brought you some cotton dish towels and club soda.” He said quickly._

_Emma didn’t say anything but looked even further confused and he followed up, “Your clothes. The accident outside, on the patio just now. I saw what happened and thought you might be in need of these things.”_

_Finally something shifted in Emma’s brain and she realized which room she was in and that it's occupant stood before her._

_“Shit, this is your room, isn’t it?” Emma made to hurry toward the door. Killian’s answering laugh still held a tinge of nervous energy but he didn’t move out of the doorway._

_“No, lass. It’s not.” He grinned at her, “You really think I would have been able to move in here—follow your act? Mary Margaret wouldn’t have let me anyway. This is your room.”_

_Emma was frozen in the middle of the space, the picture that she never put back still clutched in front of her like a shield._

_“But this is the only one with a bathroom attached.” Emma said, pointing to door behind her._

_“I have legs, love. And besides, it’s not so scary to pass through the hall at night when nature calls—so long as I leave the hall light on.” Killian’s eyes were dancing with mirth and Emma exhaled short laugh in response. Her fingers loosened their grip on the frame a little as her mind began to catch up to the current conversation._

_Killian spoke again after a beat. “Anyway, I don’t mean to intrude. As I said, I saw what happened and thought you might be able to use these things.”_

_When Emma didn’t move, Killian walked past her and flicked on the bathroom light. He set the items on the vanity and after a moment’s hesitation, stepped toward her instead of leaving._

_“Killian Jones. By the way. I know we haven’t had the chance to meet yet but I-well I’ve heard quite a bit about you and I suspect your sister-in-law must be quite as chatty about me…” He scratched behind his ear, “So yes, I am very glad to meet you at last, Emma Swan.”_

_Emma didn’t say anything, instead gaping and then closing her mouth and nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, she has mentioned you. It’s good to meet you too.” Emma looked down at the photo in her hand and then back up at him before he could look at what she was holding. “Actually could you do me a favor?”_

_“Of course.” He said._

_“Could you go to Mary Margaret’s closet and pull out something I can wear instead of this? Anything will work. I am just extremely uninterested in passing through the throng of people wearing this beverage.” Emma gestured at her stained jumpsuit. Killian raked his eyes over her body and then tore them away, looking back out the door._

_“Absolutely. Back in a tic, love.” Killian left the room, closing the hallway door behind him again to ensure the ongoing privacy._

_While he was gone, Emma did her best to compose herself._

_It was strange that the two of them hadn’t met until now. She was prepared to meet him tonight, knew that it would happen. Still it caught her completely off-guard. Emma couldn’t fight the defensive reaction she felt at being caught in such a vulnerable moment, especially to someone who had somehow been threatening her spot in the family. At least, that was how she felt toward him all year, even without knowing him._

_Meeting him now though, he was not the arrogant playboy Ruby made him out to be in all her wiki-research over the years. Killian had clearly gone out of his way—leaving his own party—to find and help her. Hell, he went out of his way just to meet her. The least she could do was accept his gesture and show gratitude for it._

_Killian returned with a pile of clothes and unceremoniously dropped them on the bed. Emma laughed when she saw the sheer amount of options he presented._

_“Jesus, Killian. I said anything would do.” Emma smirked at him._

_Killian laughed and put his hands on his hips, trying to look casual but clearly still on eggshells a bit._

_“Aye. But you see—and please forgive me for saying so—I started to worry that perhaps you might not be happy with just any option and thought it best to provide a variety. It’s nothing at all. It was easier this way.” He grinned at her and she began to sort through it._

_“I see.”_

_She smiled, actually feeling more relaxed this time around, “So, Killian Jones. I have to tell you, I have never seen your show, but my roommate was a bonafide fanatic.”_

_Killian was buoyed by her comment. Not because of the content but just because she was starting a conversation with him, letting him know he was welcome to keep her company instead of being dismissed. He plunked himself down onto the bed, leaning against the headboard._

_“Never? Not a single episode? You’re breaking my heart, Swan.”_

_“Well, I take that back—I’ve never intentionally sat down to watch. I’ve seen some scenes here and there. Seemed good.” Emma said._

_“Clearly not quality enough to catch and hold your attention though. Was I actually on the screen when you watched? Or was it one of my co-stars? I'll concede they are not as adept at capturing an audience as myself.” Killian grinned and rested his clasped hands in his lap, crossing one outstretch leg over the other._

_Emma rolled her eyes and groaned, “Oh my God. You actually are as arrogant as I thought.” Killian deflated briefly and Emma tossed a shirt at his face, smiling despite her words._

_“Merely a jest, love, merely a jest. Though it does sting that you weren’t more curious about me. I’ll admit that much.”_

_“Oh, I wish I had room to be curious. You know, I could probably write a biopic on your work and home life. Between Ruby's dissertation on your acting career and every update imaginable from Mary Margaret, it would not be outside the realm of possibility. This last year alone I couldn't have a five minute phone call with my sister-in-law without hearing about your every movement.” Emma said._

_She missed the smile that slipped briefly from Killian’s face._

_“What, uh—what did she say exactly?” He asked._

_“Oh you know, the mind-numbing, mundane variety of anecdotes. ‘Killian and David found a beater at the junk yard and they are going to scrap some parts! Killian and I learned how to make pasta! Killian found a penny in the dryer the other day! Shit like that.” Killian looked relieved and laughed._

_“Aye. That penny story is true. It was minted in the 1940’s though so you can understand all the fanfare.”_

_Emma chuckled, holding up skirt and then set it aside in a new maybe pile._

_“Mary Margaret says now you’re back, you’re to start to your business right away. Is that true?”_

_Emma tucked her hair behind her ears, “It’s true. I’m a little worried we aren’t ready but I think we probably just need to dive in and then work out the kinks along the way.”_

_“I wonder if she's mentioned it but, I’m happy and willing to be your guinea pig, Swan. You see,” Killian ran a hand through his hair and sat forward, picking at the duvet cover absently. “I actually just landed a part in a movie. It’s...well it is the first movie I’ve done since I left the show and it’s a heavy undertaking. Part action movie a little superhero overtures but with darker undertones. Well I'm sure it may not be the top billing of the year but...” He was rambling now and Emma paused to watch him._

_“This is a big deal, isn’t it?” Emma asked._

_Killian laughed, finally meeting her gaze, “Aye. I would like very much not to fuck this up. I have been granted both the part and the advance that comes with it but there is a lot to do before production begins in a few months. For one, I have a long way to go to get physically in shape. Naturally, Mary Margaret was thinking that you might be willing to work with me on that front.”_

_Emma raised her eyebrows and Killian rushed out, “Of course, you are not obligated to anything, Swan.”_

_“Yeah, I’m not so sure about this.”_

_“Of course, that’s understandable—"_

_“I’m not sure you can handle it. I don’t go easy on my clients.” Emma smiled grew into a grin. Killian narrowed his eyes at her, his own smile becoming flirtatious._

_“Is that a challenge, love?”_

_Emma shrugged in nonchalance, making her final selection from the pile._

_Killian got to his feet and swaggered toward her, “I should warn you,” he brushed her hair behind her shoulder and she continued to smirk at him, unfazed, “I love a challenge. Go as hard on me as you like.” His hand lingered on her shoulder and grazed down her arm before dropping away entirely._

_Emma gave him a sultry look in return and Killian felt his blood pumping a little hotter. His hands twitched and he had to clench them into fists to stop himself from gripping her hip ._

_“Here.” Emma had grabbed a wad of clothes from the bed and shoved them into his chest, forcing him to take a step back. His arms involuntarily closed around the bundle._

_“I have what I need.” She held up a bright red dress and turned away toward the bathroom._

_“Very well,” Killian called to her back, “We’ll be in touch about our business matter, aye?”_

_“Sure thing.” She closed the bathroom door behind her and Killian stared at it for a full minute before coming to his senses and exiting the room._

_Emma and Mary Margaret met with him next in the kitchen of the Nolan house to go over the details of the packages and the pricing. It was a short meeting._

_Killian tried to catch her eye but in the week that elapsed since the night of the party, Emma had succeeded in closing herself off from him. She remained professional and almost formal throughout the conversation._

_When it was over, he jumped up to walk her out to her car, bestowing a perfunctory hug on Mary Margaret before he dashed out the door. Emma was already in her car and checking her phone._

_“Swan.” Her windows were down and he took advantage by clutching the frame of the passenger window and leaning against it. Emma flicked her gaze at him and then back at the screen._

_“Mr. Jones.”_

_Killian smiled, slightly out of breath. “Just thought I’d say that…” He grasped for words, not having thought this through at all._

_“Just thought you’d say…?” Emma said._

_“Uh. I’m looking forward to our sessions, Swan. Don’t be afraid to really get into it.” He winked at her._

_Emma rolled her eyes and started her engine, the accompanying sputter making his grin feral. He didn’t move. “I can take a look at that, if you like.”_

_Emma fixed him with a glare._

_“Step away from the goods, Jones.” She waved him away like a fly which only made the mirth in his eyes brighter._

_“Very well, love. You know where to find me when you’re ready.” He tapped the frame a couple times and stepped away._

_Emma couldn’t help looking at him in the rearview mirror as she drove away. Killian ran a hand through his dark locks and then waved as she drove out of sight._

_The next time she saw him was for their first session._

__

 

The memory brought on a new wave of emotions. Warmth spread through her chest and belly when she remembered that first session. 

Knocking him on his ass when he flirted. 

Putting him through his paces as payback for lying to her about his boxing skills. 

Watching the sweat and pool water drip over his skin. 

The tension in their dynamic getting thicker only to come to a head when she announced unequivocally that she would never date him.

Killian apologizing profusely for crossing a line.

Their active decision to become friends. Real friends. 

Not out of any obligation. Not because they now shared family or because they both had experience seeking the comfort of the Nolan home. 

They became friends because they wanted to feel safe together and trust each other. Emma confided things to Killian that she didn’t tell anyone. Killian for his part never acted with anything less than integrity and honesty toward her. He respected her. He called her out on her bullshit instead of letting her slide by. Killian voiced his expectations and always requested that she voice her own. 

Emma had done her fair share of thinking over the last week. Unsure and fretting about the conversation to come. Her fear overall was that Killian would walk out of her life, even temporarily, but that he might never return. 

 

Graham was looking at her still with a glowing smile. His offer to pay the dry cleaning bill still hanging between them. 

“Thank you for the gesture but I honestly have no idea how much it cost anymore. It wouldn’t feel right taking your money.” Emma said. She sipped her wine and cast her eyes around for Mary Margaret again. 

The desperation to see and talk to Killian was stronger the later it became and Emma needed to leave.

“Well then, how about I hire you out for a session or two?” Graham slid his hand over Emma’s on the table. 

Emma squinted at their hands in confusion at first. 

Realizing slowly that though her mind was already with Killian, Graham was trying to capitalize on this moment. A little late on the uptake, Emma extracted her hand from his with delicacy. 

“I, uh, I’m not sure. My schedule is a little cramped at the moment. Maybe next season. Listen, I have to go,” Emma threw back the rest of her wine and clasped her purse shut. 

Graham sputtered, turning with her as she weaved around him. He put his hand on her shoulder to stop her, “Your card. Can I get your card?”

Emma nodded a little flustered and retrieved one from her purse. He took it from her hand, gripping her fingers momentarily.

“It was a pleasure to meet you properly, Emma. I hope to see you soon.” 

Emma shot him a nervous smile and nodded her head before turning and all but running from the empty corner of the party. 

Digging around her purse for her phone while she walked she began flashing through the particulars what just happened. Had she been flirting with him? It was hard to tell. It didn’t seem like she was putting out signals but maybe—

Emma crashed into someone, “Oh my goodness.” She pressed a palm against the firm chest and pushed away. 

Warm hands enveloped her upper arms and it was Killian’s voice that startled her from her thoughts, “You all right there, Swan?” 

Her eyes lifted to his and the eyebrow quirked on his face looked dangerously cocky. 

“Killian.” 

“Miss me?” He was still holding onto her arms and she unconsciously leaned into him, her head giving an almost imperceptible nod. 

Killian sent her a warm smile, his eyebrow lowering as his features softened. His gaze eagerly roamed her face, taking in every detail. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “Good.” 

The hand still pressed against his chest contracted and Emma bunched his shirt. Killian continued, his lips grazing her ear while he talked, “Pardon my unscheduled appearance, love. You have to understand, the thought that you might go home and change out of this dress without giving me the chance to see you first was driving me mad.” 

The heart thumping against her hand only served to make her press more firmly, seeking out his heavy rhythm. 

Killian brushed a hand up her arm, grazing his fingers across her bare shoulder and drawing them up her neck while he talked to her. “You are stunning, Emma. I know I’m not the only one to notice tonight.” 

His whisper grew softer, luring her closer to him. Emma pressed her temple to his stubbled cheek, her nose pressed against his jaw as she breathed him in. 

Killian continued running his fingers over her the juncture of her neck and shoulder. “Forgive me. I sincerely meant to keep my hands to myself until you said otherwise. Then I saw you just now. I haven’t laid eyes on you properly for two weeks and I could feel my hands itching to touch you, to feel the softness of your skin again.”

Emma’s breathing was stuttered. She was thankful they were still in a relatively secluded section of the party because the combination of her thoughts with the words he was saying and the way her skin was inflamed made everything seem explicitly erotic. 

“Tell me to stop touching you, love.” Killian pleaded. His face was pressed hard into her cheek and hair, his lower lip skimming over her ear as he spoke. The fingers trailing her neck held pressure now. Emma turned her head into his, meaning to get closer to his ear and instead brushed her lips against his jaw. Once, then a second time with deliberation. A growl rumbled low in his throat and Emma nipped at the source, teeth pulling the stubbled skin into her mouth briefly before letting it go. She ran her tongue over the reddened spot to soothe it. 

Killian’s hand still on her bicep squeezed in warning and the groan that slipped from his lips was accompanied by another hot breath.

“Don’t stop touching me.” Emma whispered. “Please.” 

“Will you come home with me?” Killian asked. 

He kissed her ear, pulling the edge between his lips. Her hand was balled into a fist against his chest now, still clutching the fabric and she nodded her head, choking out a final sentence, “Hell yes. I am coming home with you.” 

Killian dropped a hand to her hip possessively and lowered a lingering kiss to her cheek. His knuckles trailed over the exposed skin at the small of her back. He placed a kiss her jaw. Then her neck. Emma felt his tongue sweep across her pulse point and she moaned. 

"Killian." Emma said, her tone frustrated but she hadn't moved away either.

His exhale was forceful and she could feel the battle raging inside him, not wanting to stop but also needing to be home already. 

“Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
>  
> 
> Jk that would be a poor decision and this whole thing is about being thoughtful.


	10. On the Ride Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some secrets are exposed while others lie in wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said it would be a minute before an update. 
> 
> Still, this was longer than I meant but here we are at last. 
> 
>  
> 
> No beta and minimal revisions or proof reading occurred in the making of this chapter. I apologize in advance for poor syntax and grammatical errors but at least it's out there finally.
> 
>  
> 
> *~*~*Previously on tHe StAnG*~*~*  
> We learned how Killian and Emma met  
> We learned that it might be time to own up to our feelings by having a real conversation.  
> We learned that absence really does make the heart grow fonder and all that stuff that follows
> 
> (If the stuff that follows is not your thing, you might want to skim the first 3/4 of the chapter to be safe.)

Between the distance from the party to the valet stand, Emma doesn’t see Mary Margaret. While Killian deals with the valet, Emma pulls out her phone to shoot a quick text to her. It’s vague and simple. Something that will certainly raise suspicion but at least not cause alarm. She would deal with figuring out a plausible excuse later. 

The drive home feels as heated as the evening has been. Emma’s limbs are stiff with tension, holding herself still as Killian’s hand is clutched possessively over her thigh. She slides closer toward him, the slit of her skirt slipping open even more. 

Killian’s breath rumbles, his fingers grazing over the delicate skin of her inner thigh. “Swan. I know we have things to discuss. I mean to discuss them…” Even as he says it, his hand is smoothing over her skirt, subtly sliding it aside to expose all of her leg. 

Emma meets his heated side gaze, the intensity of his stare causing her breath to hitch. She, presses down on his hand, pushing his palm flush against the creamy skin of her thigh. Killian keeps his eyes on the road, burning a hole through the windshield with the intensity of his expression and slowly drags his fingertips higher up her leg, stroking more deliberately. 

With a gentle brush over the silky fabric of her thong, Emma whimpers. Killian eyes her hungrily, halting his movement to make sure she is all right with his ministrations. She meets his eyes and pulls his wrist up to her mouth, placing a soft kiss to his fingers before bringing them back to the apex of her thighs. 

“I know. I want to talk too. We left things so open ended,” Emma was petting his hand, encouraging him to rub her. 

“We did, didn’t we. I don’t want to be open ended here.” Killian said in a husky voice as he thumbed at the scrap of silk, applying more pressure where he thought she might need it. He drew another whimper out of her and let the pride wash over his features. 

“I’ve told you what I want. I’ve told you what I want to give to you too,” he thumbed at her again to produce another noise from her throat. “Well, I’ve been reticent about what all I would like to give you, actually.” Emma looked at him through hooded eyes, biting her lower lip and pressing herself closer to him, opening her legs. 

Killian mutters a curse and smoothly pushes the fabric of her panties to the side to meet the wet heat underneath. 

“Fuck. You’re soaked, Swan.” Emma presses her blonde head back into the seat, eyes squeezed shut in pleasure as Killian softly strokes through her folds, gathering the moisture. His breath is coming labored now as well and Emma inexplicably thinks about how strange it is that this is where the evening has gone. 

He is right. She meant to have an actual conversation with him. One where she told Killian that she did want more from him than friendship. One maybe where she asked Killian if he would be with her, if he would take things slowly. God she needed things to be slow.

The honest truth was that this was easier. It was easier to lose themselves like this than to begin to add words into the mix. Emma could do this—the sex, the physical and even the emotional aspects involved. Trying to put words on it would surely spoil it, taint it, mislabel it. 

The fear of fucking all of it up by not knowing how to have the conversation was starting to weigh over the pleasure but then he dragged his wet fingers up to circle her clit and she moaned.

Emma heard more than saw Killian shift in his seat, knowing that he needed room in his pants. 

“God Emma. This,” he circled her clit slow and she hissed, “is what I have not been able to stop thinking of for bloody weeks.” His fingers dragged down, dipping into her core to gather more of her essence as it leaked out. 

Killian groaned again, “Please. Tell me you’ve thought of this too.” Emma moaned when he made contact with her clit again, a whispered “Yes,” escaping at the end. 

“So much, Swan.” He slowed his movements again, winding her slower so he could talk. “So much we need to talk about with each other. I have so much to share with you. Everything I want to tell you—“ 

Killian cut the wheel and Emma realized they were in his driveway but his hand didn’t leave her body even as he threw the car into park. 

Once again she met his heated gaze, watching as his eyes darted around her features, cataloguing what he saw as she continued to breathe through the pleasure. His eyes drifted down her body, sweeping over the exposed skin from her neck all the way down her chest to the smooth skin in the valley of her breasts and then down to where his fingers were still at work. 

The moonlight and street lamps lit the inside of the car through the open windows and moonroof and Killian watched her leg shift in restlessness as he continued to stroke through her folds, dragging her essence up to her clit and all the way back down, venturing to pet the smooth skin below her core. She moaned aloud at that and he watched her writhe, encouraged again by her response. 

“I want to tell you everything I think about how brilliant you are, how bloody gorgeous. How good you feel. All soft and slick for me.” Hooded eyes roam up her body again, stopping at her mouth. 

“I’ve thought about how you taste more times than I can count.” Emma whined as he slowly pulled his hand away from her. Her eyes watched his fingers glistening in the light of the streetlamp overhead and saw Killian lick his lips in anticipation. 

At the last moment Emma gripped his wrist. His eyes snapped to hers, all but growling at the interruption. She smirked and brought his hand to her mouth, licking her own juices off every inch of his skin.

Somewhere, some part of her brain was shocked at herself. Killian’s groans and growls creeping into her ears and spurring her on as he watched her. She was confident in the sack, no doubt about it, but this was a new level. His words inspired her, opening doors to avenues yet to be explored. 

Emma opened her eyes and she delivered a final lick as her eyes met his. Killian looked dangerous. There was no other way to describe it. His were eyes dark underneath his glare as his body twitched with the effort to hold himself still. She watched him, giving a last gentle suck to his fingers before pulling away.

He cursed, and swiftly wound his hand into the hair behind her head holding her still while he stared hard at her. Emma held the eye contact, very aware that if it was broken, the moment would be broken along with it. His chest moved deeply with his breaths and dropping his eyes to her mouth he watched her lick her lips. “Come have a taste then, Killian.” 

A feral smile curled his lips as his grip in her hair brought the tiniest amount of pain as he pulled her in. His lips met hers with a gentle kiss that felt completely at odds with every other detail of the moment. Another gentle kiss and then he pressed his lips harder against hers until she opened her mouth to him. 

Killian devoured her. 

His tongue was sliding between her lips and slowly, so carefully, sweeping over her tongue in long licks. Emma tried to speed it up but he kept things gentle as the licks of an ice cream cone, savoring the flavor in her mouth with each pass. 

It was too much. Too sensual and slow. Emma reached down and pulled the lever to release his seat as she swung a leg over his lap. His chair rocketed backward before settling into the farthest setting with a click. Killian’s hand in her hair gripped her tight, keeping her close throughout the transition. Though the amused noise that escaped into her mouth told her that he was impressed. 

Emma pulled back, sitting up so she could get in a breath, much needed oxygen flooding her brain again. He smirked up at her, his newly freed hands slowly brushing the skirt of her dress all the way behind her so he could stroke her bare thighs liberally. 

“As I said, Swan,” his hands pushed up her skin, smoothing over her hips to grasp at the cheeks under her dress, “I’ve thought of little else these past few weeks. Pardon my taking liberties. Only, now you are here with me,” Killian’s palms contracted, squeezing her ass and she whined. “I find myself having a hard time stopping.”

“So don’t.” Emma heard herself say. 

Killian sighed. “As you wish, darling.” 

Palms sliding over her ass and around her hips back to the front, Killian got to work slipping his fingers under her soaked underwear, adding moisture to his fingers again. “Are you always this wet, love?” 

Emma smiled at him, her expression pleasure drunk as her hands got to work unbuttoning his shirt. “No.” 

He quirked an eyebrow at her, smugness written all over his face. Emma smoothed a thumb over his lip and he bestowed a kiss to it. “That is a pity. Though, I hope you don’t mind, I’ve had just a few ideas that might remedy that.” 

Emma quirked an eyebrow back, ready to undermine his smug statement but her words were cut off by a moan as Killian buried two slick fingers into her channel. Emma fell forward, unable to concentrate on her task with what he was doing to her. His thumb met her clit and he continued his work, speaking directly into her ear as if there had been no threat of interruption. 

“Emma, love. The sounds you make, they haunt me. I can’t stop myself from trying to encourage them.” A curl of his fingers inside of her and she keened. Killian smiled and she heard that in his voice too, “That’s it, love.” 

Her forehead fell to his shoulder and between their bodies his free hand was sliding up her thigh again, brushing over the fabric across her stomach and then pressing at the skin between her breasts. “I dreamt of this. Hoping that one day I could hold you like this. Stroke you. Pleasure you. Feel you fall apart for me.” 

Emma moaned into his shirt as Killian’s hand between her breasts drifted until he slid under the edge of the fabric and held one of her bare breasts in his palm gently. Killian hummed a stuttered breath into her ear. For a moment he simply held his hand there, enjoying the weight in his hand. The cool night wind blowing over the newly revealed skin.

“I wondered if you would like it when I brushed my fingers over your nipples.” Killian’s actions followed his words and Emma sucked on the skin over his collarbone, muffling her response. As her nipple stiffened under his fingers he smiled again into her ear. 

“I hoped you would like it. I tried not to think of it but ever since that day in the pool when you lay floating in the water and I saw them, so pert and perfect. I haven’t been able to stop.” 

“Shut up.” Emma breathed. Killian huffed a laugh into her ear and redoubled his ministrations on her clit, drawing another reluctant moan out of her. He continued talking as if she hadn’t said anything. 

“Now I wonder…” his hand over her breast squeezed a little harder, “would you like me to pinch this sweet peak…just a little bit?” 

Her body hummed in anticipation. She hated him. It was torture to be so obviously turned on and completely exposed for it. 

Still she pressed closer to his palm, terrified that he would stop. Killian rolled her nipple between his index and thumb before popping off with a little pluck. Emma keened and bit his neck. Killian hissed into her ear, taking the lobe between his teeth again. “Yes, I think you do like that. Just a little bit.” He grunted. 

“I hate you.” Emma breathed into his ear, twisting his hair into her fingers and pulling it to make her point. 

“Mhmm.” Killian said, curling his fingers inside her while he pressed the thumb to her clit and plucked her nipple again. Emma’s moan morphed into a tiny scream of ecstasy and Killian sucked a mark to her neck. 

“Fucking hell, Emma. Those bloody noises are going to drive me mad.” He did the same move and Emma breathed the keening cry right into his ear. Killian involuntarily pressed his whole head toward her, blindly seeking out her sound again while he growled a response. 

His whole shirt was unbuttoned now and her hands explored the fruits of their labor over the last couple months as she mapped out the muscles and planes exposed to her. 

Killian righted himself, attempting to gain control back. “Now, Swan,” he said as his fingers twisted inside her and she bit her lip to keep from making a peep, “About that taste I wanted…” 

Emma opened her mouth to protest but he was already moving, pushing her upright. Killian’s eyes pierced into hers. He was clearly reveling in this moment already. Emma leaned back against the steering wheel, laid out and on display. 

His hand on her breast was rolling her nipple again, keeping it stiff for him. Killian removed it, watching her rising and falling chest with studied eyes as he pushed the other side of her dress aside to reveal the other breast. He licked his lips, just watching and began to work on the neglected peak, rubbing and pinching her until both nipples stood erect in the moonlight. 

“You’re a vision.” He smoothed his hand down along her rib cage, curling it underneath the fabric and gripping her bare back. The night air from the open windows swept over her breast, giving her renewed goosebumps. 

Killian bit his lip, watching her body with hungry eyes as he slowly removed his fingers from her slick channel. 

Emma watched, whimpering at the loss. Killian held his grip on her rib cage, holding her still while his glistening hand stroked one breast and then the other. Emma’s breath stuttered in disbelief as Killian gracefully slathered her breasts with her own essence. 

The sheer imagination on him terrified her to her core. 

It was frightening to see the earnest hunger on his face as he pulled her by her rib cage up to his mouth, gently pressing both breasts toward each other until they met. 

Blue eyes met hers and she watched his tongue sweep up the underside of her breasts, flicking over one nipple and then the other. Emma’s moan combated Killian’s own noises and he slammed his eyes shut as his tongue moved faster, lapping at each of her breasts and then swirling around her peaks. 

“Fuck, I can’t—“ Emma started but Killian nibbled on her nipples, and Emma’s scream cut off her own sentence. 

He let one hand fall away, seeking her core again so he could push into her. His tongue curled over the peak of her breast at the same moment and Emma screamed again. 

Killian closed his teeth over her nipple and tugged until she keened again. He soothed it with a broad lick. “Your taste alone could make a man forget his name.”

Emma arched her back, pressing herself into his mouth, “You’re so fucking full of it. Stop wasting your lines on me and finish the job already.” Killian smiled and nipped at each of her peaks again until she hissed. 

“I can’t get over it. You’re a bloody witch or something. Even when you insult me I’m pulled in deeper.” He pressed deeper into her core until she moaned. 

“That’s it, love. I want to see you writhe in pleasure just for me. Your gorgeous body splayed out. Evidence of your pleasure smeared across your peaks. You don’t know what it does for a man. Please, Swan, tell me you want this. Tell me this is what you want.” 

He pressed the circling thumb to her clit and she cried out his name. “Yes, I want you. I hate you. I hate what you do to me and I hate that I need you to never—“ his fingers curled and she screamed, ”Never stop.” 

Killian smiled and sucked her nipple back into his mouth, massaging the rest of her breast with his hand. “Couldn’t stop if I want to, love.” His clothed erection was pressing between her ass cheeks and she was grinding on him until he groaned into her flesh. 

“Bloody amazing.” The hand gripping her torso moved to her neck and Killian pulled her face to his for a hungry kiss. His tongue battled hers as he slowly and relentlessly applied pressure to her clit. They broke their kiss, her forehead resting on his. 

Killian was quieter now, his voice more gentle and measured, “Yes, Swan, that’s it. Let yourself go, love. Let me make you feel good. Please Emma, I want you to feel so good.” His words were swallowed by her kiss and she cried his name into his open mouth, fluttering and gripping his fingers with the tightness of her channel while the evidence of her orgasm flowed out of her and down his fingers. 

Emma almost pulled away but Killian held her close, eyes locked on hers as he worked her through it. Her brow furrowed from the dragged out pleasure and Killian looked at her with such serious devotion that she had to close her eyes. 

He pulled her lips back to his in a deliberate meeting of mouths, slow and sensual. He continued to circle her clit and she panted into his mouth, her own hands perched on his shoulders for leverage as she rocked over his erection. Delicately, Killian pulled his fingers out of her and Emma looked down at his hand, huffing out a laugh at the sight. 

“Sorry about that. Here.” Emma reached for the shimmering fingers but he pulled his hand out of her reach. “It’s not a problem, Swan.” His fingers found her areola, rubbing sensually around one nipple and then the other. Emma hummed and Killian smiled softly, leaning forward to lick her breast again as she continued to rock over his clothed cock. He softly growled into her skin but didn’t seem to be in any hurry. 

Both of them took joy in making each other feel good, no matter how close the finish line they might be. Killian pulled away briefly to run his palm over the valley of her chest. He licked her up and Emma looked wrecked as she clutched his head to her, fingers gripping at his dark locks to keep him close. 

Killian hummed into her skin, returning both hands to cup her ass. A nipple locked in his teeth, he jerked his head so she yelped, rocking down on his marble hard erection with force. Killian shouted out and then grabbed handfuls of her ass in his hands as she continued to ride out another orgasm. 

Mouth latched onto a peak, he sucked on her and pulled her wet cunt down as he pushed up and they both cried out in ecstasy. Emma clutched his head to her, curling her arms around his head where he was pressed to her chest and he groaned into her skin, slowly rocking her over him as he finished. 

Emma’s forehead fell to his shoulder again and she curled her hands into the hair at the nape of his neck. Hands stroked her bare back under the dress and she sank into him, both sated and calm for the moment.

 

It was with a tender kiss to her temple and a subtle shift of his legs that Killian alerted her to his need to move. Emma leaned back and searched his face with her eyes. His expression was so tender she found that she didn’t have words to respond. Instead she stroked her hand over his cheek, bestowing a simple kiss to his lips before she sat up. 

They disentangled themselves from the car easily enough. He clasped her hand in his and guided her to his door. On the front step he paused. The keys hung abandoned in the lock as Killian held her face in his hands and kissed her again. Less gentle this time but with a simmering passion that they both knew had a time limit before it would get out of control again. 

Emma tried to encourage it, hoping to begin a second round before she had to enter a conversation that she didn’t know how to have just now. A small part of her perhaps hoped they could exhaust themselves out of having to have a conversation at all. 

With a squeeze of his hand to her arm, Killian pulled away gently and opened his door.

“What would you say to a change of clothes, love?” He asked once they stood inside, “I’m not sure about you but I haven’t had a successful dry hump in a car since my teenage years—I’d forgotten the level of discomfort entailed.” The shift in his stance at that moment told her more than enough. She laughed and followed him to his bedroom. 

Killian was respectfully demure throughout this interval as though they hadn’t just indulged in a thorough exploration of the erogenous zones of Emma’s body and an overview of Killian’s turn-ons. 

“Feeling a little shy, Killian?” She asked as he retreated to the bathroom to clean up and change clothes. He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her. 

Sending him a sultry look, taking note of his bare chest and unbuttoned pants. She dropped the clothes on the floor and then faced him, walking toward him while slowly unzipping her dress. 

It pooled around her feet and she pressed herself against him softly, her bare breasts met his chest and he groaned. Despite his efforts to keep the physical urges at bay, it wasn’t a huge surprise when his bare arms closed around her body, in a vice while he nuzzled her neck.

“Bloody hell, woman.” He growled, scraping his teeth across the taut skin of her shoulder. 

The threaded fingers in his hair pressed him, holding him to her neck while he nipped at her shoulders, collar bone and neck. 

Emma’s hands slipped under the back of his trousers and she smoothed them down his ass, pushing his clothed but hardening cock into her stomach. 

“Emma. Love, please.” Killian whimpered, still sucking marks onto her chest. “I mean it, I cannot believe I am saying this but we need to stop. I—we need to just chat for a moment.” 

She stopped her exploration, and her nerves were quickly overpowering any sexual pleasure she had been experiencing. 

“I want you, Emma,” Killian was staring with a somber intensity into her eyes, his hands cradled her face and she couldn’t look away. “This is not a rejection. I just need to know you will not regret this with me once you hear what I have to say.” 

For the first time Emma felt actually worried. Before now, it was her own failings that seemed to be occupying her thoughts and generating tiny non-existent scenarios that ended with her fucking up. Now Killian seemed to think he had something to share that might actually make her rethink everything and Emma began backing away. 

“No.” He was on her immediately, pulling her flush with his body again and brushing her face with chaste kisses of desperation. “No. Please, do not go away. At least, do not go away without hearing me out first?”

“Killian. I don’t understand. Did you do something? In New York or something?” The image of Killian taking a woman back to his hotel emerged, unwelcome in her mind. She swallowed the lump and kept going, “I would understand, I think. You weren’t happy with me when you left…” 

His fingers curled possessively around her hips and he pulled her into his hardened cock again. “I have touched no one else and thought of no one else but you for some time, Swan.” Another lingering kiss was pressed to her cheek and she melted into him again. 

“It’s just time you knew about my past.” Emma nodded into his shoulder and ran her hands over the skin of his back, not really wanting to let go but not building up to anything bigger either. 

“Let’s get changed and we can go sit outside for a little while. It’s a beautiful night.” Killian held her eyes for a moment and then kissed her again. 

“Separate is best, I think.” His eyes swept over her form again before he forced himself to take a step away. 

“I’ll be just a minute.” She said.

“Take your time, love. I’ll be outside.” She heard Killian disappear to the hall bathroom to clean up. 

Running a wet washcloth up her leg, she focused on the task of scrubbing her skin. When she stopped focusing and her mind began to wander, she was betrayed. Unbidden she was running scenarios through her mind at a relentless pace. Killian was a wanted felon. Killian was married. Killian had a secret love child that he needed to return to pronto. 

Killian was not interested in committing to her. Killian was going to screw her over. Killian was going to get into the relationship and then drop her.

It was these thoughts that had her poised to run. She felt it in her legs. They were humming and would carry her straight out of the house and to who knows where. 

The unknown was looming and the worst part was that Emma was only now discovering how incredibly invested she was in the outcome of this evening. Despite her attempts to keep it at bay, the hope she felt wrapped in Killian’s arms and at the mercy of his touch was too much to keep down anymore.

The fear of losing it all was suffocating and she just knew she would fuck it up somehow. It was just a matter of time to figure out how it would happen.

 

Once outside again in the dark, she watched Killian making himself busy turning on lights and wiping down the seating area. He flipped a switch and the lampposts around the perimeter illuminated the space with warm light. He flipped another and string lights shed a soft glow over the lounge chairs and bar.

Killian had remodeled the entire backyard. The tiki theme that Emma now remembered with fondness was gone. The bar area looked more like driftwood and was framed in gas lanterns that flickered with firelight.

“What the hell, Killian?” Emma said. Killian whipped his head around to look at her, insecurity quickly clouding his features. 

“The pineapples. They didn’t make the cut.” Emma smirked at him. He laughed, looking infinitely relieved.

“You made it clear that if I was ever to woo someone with half a brain that I would need to make some necessary updates.”

Emma considered this, looking beyond the man in front of her to his renovated pool area again, “And how is it working? Anyone hooked?” 

Killian tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Lucky for me, I have a found a woman willing to come home with me before she knew about my excellent taste. She seems to want me, pineapples or no.” 

Emma gave him a sultry smile and leaned in to his ear, “God. She sounds amazing.” 

Her hand curled around his neck so her fingers could thread through his hair. His laugh was hoarse and the heat of his breath skimmed her shoulder and neck. Killian moved his hands to her waist, stroking up her sides, thumbs brushing the sides of her breasts through the fabric of his shirt and then sliding down to run over the curves of her hips. 

“She is. Bloody fucking amazing.” They held each other there in a close embrace, unconsciously swaying on the spot. 

“Come, love.” He whispered into her neck. Killian guided them toward the patio couch. He stepped disappeared for a moment, returning with wine and two glasses. 

“So you need to be tipsy for this conversation?” She asked. Her feet were curled under her and she faced him, head resting on her hand over the back of the couch. The casual position was a mask for her own nerves.

“Not tipsy, no. It’s just…” Killian scratched at the wine label. “I’ll confess to being a touch nervous…for what’s to come.” 

“You mean us?” Emma asked, confusion briefly clouding her ease. Killian smirked at her, his tension breaking as he almost laughed. 

“Not nervous for us, no. We are…” He tipped the bottle to fill up each glass and smiled to himself. “Swan, I don’t have words adequate to express how un-nervous I am for the idea of us.” 

She relaxed marginally as his hand covered her knee. 

“As I said before, I have a few things to be aired out and I think it only fair that I start.” He finished, pouring both of them glasses and leaning back. 

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say first?” Emma asked, amused.

“Of course I do. I am, however, worried that if you speak first and then hear what I have to say, you will feel cheated or manipulated by your inability to take anything back. If you’re going to risk your vulnerability, let me at least be a gentleman by going first. Once you hear it all, should you still decide to visit the idea of us, we will both know it's with all the cards on the table.” 

Killian took in her wary expression and continued, “I apologize for the theatrics, I simply do not want you to feel tricked. When I win your heart, I want to know it’s without caveats—no secrets.” 

Her panic was welling up again and she shifted tactics.

“Oh shit. You’re into some weird sex stuff, aren’t you.” Killian laughed and she looked pleased with herself and continued, “I get that you’re an actor but I’m not super into the whole role playing thing.” 

He was grinning at her now, and she leaned in close to drag her finger along the stubble on his jaw, her voice low, “Now. I am not opposed to being tied up on occasion.”

Killian’s grin was wiped off his face and he slouched back with a groan. “Fucking hell, Emma. That’s not fair. How is a man supposed to sit here and confess ugly truths about his life knowing he might never see this fantasy become a reality.” 

He meant to be joking along with her. Meant for it to continue to lighten the mood. The weight of the statement seemed to put into perspective the seriousness nature of the conversation.

Emma sensed what was coming now and his nerves rubbed off on her. Quickly she threw back the rest of her glass and poured a new one while he composed himself. 

“Okay, I'm ready. I'm listening.” She said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo just the first half of the next chapter is written. 
> 
> I'm hopeful it will be surprising but I guess we will see. I guess comment if you think you know what will happen. 
> 
> Lord knows I will be outrageously bitter if anyone figures it out though.


	11. A Disturbance: Redux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which several secrets come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta and little writing discipline of late as I spent my time writing 10K on a completely separate story. Oh well. Hopefully the wealth of information tying of loose ends will lead to more inspiration to finish.

“I’m ready and listening.” She said, placing a hand on his arm. 

He nodded but remained silent for an extended period. 

“I…apologize, I’m having trouble starting. I’ve tried to think about the proper way to bring this up with you more times than I can count but now that we are here…” 

He looked at her, “There are many things in my life that I am not proud of, Emma. Many things. Most of the time I am at peace with them. It has required a substantial amount of pain and work to become the man I am today—to become a man I am proud to be. But when it comes to you,” he began to scratch behind his ear, not meeting her eyes. 

“I realize that even the man I was before all this mess wasn’t even close to being what you deserve and…I’m rambling. I’m sorry—“

“Killian.” He looked at her, fear evident in his eyes. “Trust and honesty right? That’s what we said. Trust me to listen to you, to the whole thing without judgement, yeah?” 

He closed his eyes and nodded, breathing hard out of his nose.

“This past week in New York, I-I know we had our arrangement to wait to talk until I came home, however that’s not why you didn’t hear from me. I mean, I was thinking about us but…I was actually a touch out of pocket. The uh—“ Killian scratched behind his ear, “the rehabilitation center that I was visiting falls just outside of cell service range.” 

Emma nodded, taking in the information but didn’t say anything. Her hand rested on his arm. 

Killian exhaled a breath, “It’s a center that I’ve been to off and on over the years. Really ever since the summer hiatus between seasons of _Pine Country_. Shortly into the break from season two the show executives advised kindly they would drop me from the show if I kept on the way I was.” 

Emma knew her own questions were building up in her brain but she stayed patient, sinking further into her position on the couch and hoping that it would help him relax to see her getting comfortable. 

“Right. I’m skipping all the bits, aren’t I?” Killian rubbed a hand hard over his face. 

“I told you a little already about Will. Told you about the group we fell in with while we were in Vancouver.”

Emma nodded but he didn’t wait, barely allowing a breath between sentences as he tried again to plow through the narrative.

“Gambling was never my vice but I could be counted upon to tag along to every card game thanks to a rather resilient cocaine habit of mine. My…supplier was heavily involved in the card games and Will, myself and a couple others from the show were always in attendance.” Killian was really squirming now and wouldn’t meet her eyes. Emma stroked his cheek with the knuckles of her hand and his eyes closed again. 

“More than anything, it’s humiliating. Working in my dream role, riding motorcycles on a steady acting gig and making real money—never had a penny to my name until that show. Seemingly famous overnight with some money in a bank account and suddenly I was a high-dollar thrill seeker,” he said with bitterness in his voice. 

“I was a fool. My brother would have been ashamed to see me in that state after all the work he did to get me through school.” 

The sentence hung between them. Killian pinched the bridge of his nose and couldn’t look at her. The implication was clear enough. Emma ran a soft hand through his hair as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

Killian’s eyes were closed but he clutched at her neck briefly, holding her lips to his skin for a moment. 

When he let go she sat back again, giving him space to continue. 

“I couldn’t function. The twitching alone was out of control so every scene was a nightmare to get through. On top of that, we were on motorcycles on a regular basis. It wasn’t safe—for me or the cast and crew. Not to mention I looked like a wreck and was throwing away my entire career without blinking twice.” Killian went quiet for a while. 

Emma ventured a comment, something she remembered from weeks ago, “What you said to me about addiction, do you remember? Something about—“

“Aye. It’s not just the substance. It’s an addiction to the need to escape reality. Took me a long time to come to terms with that belief.”

“You do believe it?”

“Completely.” Killian seemed lost in thought for a moment and then sat up straighter and turned to her. 

“Emma, the first of many things that I need you understand is that I will always be an addict. That doesn’t change. The label will never fall off no matter how many days, weeks or years of sobriety pass.” 

Emma nodded, eyebrows furrowed as she watched him. She knew little things about recovery. Things like, don’t make any big decisions. Don’t buy a house in the first year. Don’t get into a new relationship.

“How long have…” Emma trailed off. 

“Just over a year and a half sober. I went in and out of rehab a few times as I said. It wasn’t until after the show ended for good that things started to stick for me. At that point it was just a matter of reaching rock bottom.” He smiled a bitter smile and finished his glass. 

Emma poured more for them both and then scooted closer to him. 

“I had no job, no place to live, no family, and my agent dropped me. Really I had nothing going for me anymore. It was a brutal existence. Brutal to be in that place in life and stowed away from civilization at a retreat center in the middle of the woods. It felt that way for a while until I realized ‘well can’t get worse than this and I’m surviving it sober’—so I stayed.

“By some miracle and goodness of heart, Regina picked me up when my previous agent dropped me. She convinced me to take my time in recovery and when I was ready she got my name and tapes in circulation for casting. Arranged for me to move out to L.A. and all. Eventually she set me up with Dave and well…you know that part, I suppose.” 

Killian looked at her, his eyes full of vulnerability. Emma responded the only way she could while she continued to process. Lacing their fingers together, she let her eyes roam over his face and in a slow, sure voice told him, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Killian shifted forward, his mouth meeting hers sloppily. The somber quality of the conversation converted into something much more powerful with the kiss. Emma pushed further, deepening it and then felt that she was somehow making a promise to him with that small act. Though she wanted to stop she didn’t, letting his tongue stroke hers. 

Killian cradled her head in his hands, bestowing another kiss to her lips. He leaned back and she curled against his side, resting her head on his shoulder. 

After a few charged moments, Killian continued speaking, stroking her arm while he spoke, “When I met Dave I was in that precious three-six month post-rehab phase. I was already doing everything wrong—moving cities, auditioning for everything which meant I was getting rejected by casting agents on a weekly basis and I’d poured myself into a meaningless relationship based solely on sex.” 

“Oh, that makes much more sense in context. What was her name again? Candy? Misty?” Killian smirked but didn’t take the bait. 

“It matters not, Swan. The point is, I was still on the wagon but I was playing with fire. Going out every night, drinking like a fish and leading a high-stakes emotional game with my career.

“Regina set me up with Dave hoping that his stability would ground me a little bit. It did in some ways. He reminded me so much of my brother…So naturally I hated him at first.” Emma laughed aloud. 

Killian smiled at her, “It wasn’t until I went to see him with that damned black eye, ready to set the record straight on Alicia that we actually started to talk.” 

“What did you talk about?” Emma nestled closer, absently playing with his hands. 

“About you, actually.” 

She sat up, eyebrows furrowed and Killian grinned at her reaction. 

“You had only just moved away and Dave was rather bereft.” Emma scoffed and Killian looked at her seriously.

“It’s the truth.” 

“But I…he never…” Emma chewed on her lip, staring at their mingled hands while she thought. Killian squeezed her fingers to get her attention again.

“Don’t be vexed, love. David is a big boy. He also knew that you needed to get away and trusted that one day you would come home. I won’t sugarcoat that he was a bit aimless. Mary Margaret was there, of course, but in Dave’s eyes, the other half of his three-person family was in a different city thousands of miles away.” 

The wave of emotion curled up in her stomach and she closed her eyes to stave off the tears. 

Killian stroked her hair and continued on, “We spoke of you while we worked in his garage. I had some minor mechanics knowledge, changing my oil or working on a motorcycle but this was different. It was therapeutic for me. Through it I felt a little more in control things. I understood how things came apart and how to put them together and make them work again. It wasn’t unusual to spend several days a week in that garage with him in the beginning.” 

“I’m feeling that jealousy again.” 

Killian chuckled. “Jealous of me seemingly replacing your spot in the family or jealous of your brother getting so much one on one time with yours truly.” 

Emma playfully hit his stomach and eventually said, “I think it might be both actually…Huh.” She shrugged nonchalantly and Killian chuckled.

“Almost to the end now. Let’s see,” He took a sip of wine and set it back down, clearly feeling much more comfortable than at the beginning of the conversation. 

“We spent about a month and a half meeting regularly like that. I think we became natural friends so quickly because we simply missed our siblings. Parents too, I’m sure.

“However, I still wasn’t in the healthiest of places. Nights and days that I wasn’t with the Nolans or auditioning, I was out. Drinking constantly. Taking women home or just staying out until four in the morning because I couldn’t stomach being at home alone. The real temptation for me, the nights when I came closest to cracking and falling off the wagon were the nights I spent lying in bed alone with my thoughts waiting on sleep. 

“The worst things I thought of myself would surface every night and I was powerless to stop it. For hours I ruminated on every contemptible act I committed in my life. It was inescapable.” Killian played with the hairs around her shoulder and Emma stayed quiet while he thought. 

“But you were trying.” Emma said softly. “You were trying to get better and you were getting there.”

Killian responded with a rueful smile.

“Aye but that doesn’t matter when it’s 5AM and you’re lying in a stranger’s bed wondering if you are about to be sick on their carpet. Once a fuck up, always a fuck-up.” 

Perhaps sensing her rebuttal, Killian tacked on, “David and Mary Margaret encouraged me to go back to the center. Just for a little while, as long as I needed. Regina thought it would be a good idea too—I suspect she was close to throwing her hands up with me from time to time. So off I went again. Though I hadn’t fallen off the wagon since I first left rehab, I could tell there was room for improvement. 

“This time around I knew a fair few of the issues that I could be encountering. In those I found much of the root of my habit. The rawest parts of myself were drummed up on a daily basis and picked apart by a group of fellow low-lives.” Killian chuckled to himself.

“When Jerry, the 57-year-old alcoholic who once left his child in the car while he stopped for an 8-hour session at the pub tells you that you need to accept what you’ve done and forgive yourself…well that will change things. It changed me anyway.” 

Absently he stroked his fingers over her collarbone. 

“I came home some months later, moved in with ‘mum and dad,’” she flashed an appreciative smile at him and he nervously laughed, “and after a few months time I decided it was best for me to be on my own again. I had a better idea of how to go about it though. 

“I knew from the fruits of working on cars and learning mechanics that I would need projects to keep me busy. Which brings me to this monstrosity.” Killian gestured fondly to the mansion behind them. 

Emma closed her eyes, laughing to herself. “Finally, things are making more sense.”

His grin said everything and he continued to smooth his hand over the hollow behind her collarbone. Emma leaned closer to him, processing the information and realizing how close they were to the end of it. Of all the emotions welling up as a result of this conversation, fear was not one of them. 

It was there, of course. It always would be but it was in the backseat just now and more than anything she felt remarkably at peace. Killian frightened her with his ability to connect with her. The level of understanding shared between them was mysterious and completely transparent at the same time. He made things so simple. 

“What are you thinking, Emma?” He asked. Her eyes drifted to his and she returned the smallest uptick of her mouth. 

“Your projects. This house. I was remembering that day we fought about if you should hire someone to paint your two story living room. Seeing you on that 25 foot ladder, I just assumed you were just being arrogant and reckless.” 

Killian laughed at that, “Ah well I wouldn’t rule either of those out, certainly. However, it was more a point of pride. I don’t need to do everything myself but I bought a house that would never really be finished. Everything about this house, about my goals, my relationships and my life is a work in progress. I can try to make it better or let it fall to ruin. It’s my choice.” 

Emma turned this thought over, her eyebrows furrowing as the implications of the statement became clearer in her mind. 

“…And us?” She asked.

Killian pushed the hairs behind her ears so he could see her face properly. “We are both works in progress. On our own and together. Speaking to who you have been to me—and speaking to our relationship specifically, I can tell you I’m not remotely close to being finished with you. In my mind we have barely scratched the surface of what we could be together and I am incredibly invested in what will come.” 

Finally, it arrived. The panic. Emma could feel it slowly simmering and now it was rising up geyser overpowering other rational thoughts. 

The alarm must have shown in her face because she felt the firm hands clasp her face. Killian stared back at her evenly, waiting a moment for her to give him her attention before he spoke, “Swan. Calm down. I’m not asking you for any sort of promise or commitment to me. I would choose for you to be in my life in whatever way you will have me. Regardless of your decision tonight, and regardless of any desires we have acted upon, I will be whatever you need me to be. I will be your friend. I will be your client. I will be your bloody realtor if that’s what you ask. I am happy to know you in whatever capacity you see fit. Just please don’t ask me to go away from you because I can feel you running for the door already.” 

In spite of dread and panic, Emma heard her own laugh. Killian smiled back relieved. His thumbs gliding over her cheekbones while she took deep breaths. 

She inhaled deep and blew the breath out of her mouth. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to sort through some of these things. I did not just come back from a week long mental wellness check up and I’m afraid it’s extremely obvious.” She pressed her palm to her forehead. 

“I’ll have to take you up sometime. Dave had a blast.” He winked at her. When she still didn’t say anything Killian twiddled with his thumbs. Deciding it was best to get her a couple minutes of physical space he asked, “Can I get you water or anything, Emma? It has been a long night, I know.”

“Yes actually. Water would be great.”

Killian chewed on his lip for a moment and then got to his feet. He hesitated, finally saying, “Good good. I will just go fetch that for you. Er…” he rubbed the back of his neck. 

“You can leave me alone here for a second, I’m not going anywhere. Promise.” 

“Yes, yes it’s not that…I just had one other thing that perhaps we should discuss—well, all right. I’ll go get that water and when I come back we can keep talking, aye?” 

“Sure,” Emma said, not bothering to hide the confusion in her voice. 

“Wonderful. I mean, not wonderful just—“

“Water. Please, Killian.” Emma said shaking her head. 

He still looked uneasy but retreated to the french doors that led to the kitchen. 

So much information was rolling through her mind, it was difficult to untangle the web of thoughts. Already she decided to keep Killian. No label was cemented just yet but he was right, she would take him in her life in whatever way he would have her too. Making a decision tonight certainly was out of the question—wisdom begged her to at least sleep on it given the amount of steps their relationship had taken both physically and intimately in the last couple hours. 

What he said about his past was just that, the past. The transparency with which he spoke about it and his candid honesty about what he needed, the way he runs and the way he copes spoke volumes about his reliability. Killian made her feel safe and known and…loved. Emma’s heart started pounding as that word echoed around her head but she knew it was right word. 

Given the way she responded to him tonight sexually and emotionally, it was evident that she had love for him as well. Beyond friendship probably but that was too much to consider right now. 

Emma tore her eyes away from the rippling pool where she had been staring off into space to look back at the doors. Killian was taking quite a bit to get water. 

Picking up her wine glass and getting to her feet, Emma walked toward the kitchen herself only to be intercepted by Will Scarlett almost running out the doors to meet her and looking like the embodiment of apprehension. The pallor of his face and the little beads of sweat accumulating on his brow were ominous.

“Will? What are you doing? Do you have some sort of spidey-sense for when I am over here or something?” Emma asked with a little trepidation. 

“Right, uh well I stayed here a bit while Kil was gone. Thought he wouldn’t be back until tomorrow but—well. Fuck me, right?” His voice was quavering and Emma stared at him with a cocked eyebrow. 

She opened her mouth to speak and heard shouting coming from inside. Emma glared at Will who stuttered, trying to draw her attention away, “Naw, Ems ya don’t need to go inside. Killian has it handled, it’ll just take him a moment—” Emma shoved Will by the chest out of her way. 

She thought as she walked through the doors how ridiculous she must look, interrupting what was obviously a fierce argument while holding the borrowed pants around her waist and a wine glass in the other. The lights were off in the house still and she made her way through the living room in the dark. 

“I don’t care what Will told you, you’re not welcome here.” Killian growled at the person on the steps in his foyer. Killian’s eyes met hers and they softened momentarily and then closed in unmistakeable shame. “Swan.” 

Emma looked at Killian with confusion on her face and then to the man whose back was to her.

“David? What the hell is going on?” 

But as she got closer to the blonde man who was smirking at Killian she realized it wasn’t David at all. 

“James.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did add another chapter. 
> 
> Mostly because everything is nicely blown up now and will take time to put back together.
> 
> Comments always appreciated  
> xoxo  
> OG


	12. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which hearts break, trust is questioned and history dug up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This became so so long because there was too much story to tell in a short span of time and I will not sacrifice the emotional integrity of any character to move through anything too quick. 
> 
> However, no guarantees that the next part will come out any quicker. 
> 
> No beta, maybe looking for one eventually. For now, I've combed through until I couldn't reread it again.

The thunk of her hand as it met the punching bag brought her relief. Emma grunted and swung again with more force. 

“Oof.” Mary Margaret huffed from behind the bag where she held it still. 

Emma rolled her eyes, frustrated at being pulled out of her catharsis. “Are you all right, MM?” 

“I’m fine, don’t you worry about me. Just keep going.” 

Emma took her at her word and delivered another right hook, letting the aggression seep out of her every movement. The aggression was the only thing that stymied the unbearable ache in her chest when she thought about Killian. 

It was Saturday night and she and Mary Margaret celebrated by spending a little time in the newly established gym area of the garage. Setting it up had been a week long struggle for the two of them—one that David was supposed to help with but Mary Margaret kicked him out for the time being.

“What do you think they are doing?” Mary Margaret whispered from behind the bag. The weakness of her voice and the evident hurt made Emma even more frustrated. Did her sister not understand that the point of the exercise was to distract themselves from the things that were plaguing them? That they needed to emotionally cope by putting it in a box and throwing a few punches to vent the trunked up emotions? 

“Damn it, woman.” Emma sighed. 

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about it but he is my husband and we’ve never gone this long without talking and you haven’t said anything about it since it happened and it’s been a whole week.” A sniffle came from behind the bag and Emma rested her forehead against it, reaching her arm around and squeezing Mary Margaret on the shoulder for comfort.

Blood pounded in her ears as she tried to reconcile her own needs and the needs of Mary Margaret. Stopping was bad. If you stop, it’ll catch up to you. 

“I know. I’m sorry, M. I don’t mean to take it out on you, I just don’t know what to do either and thinking about it just-just hurts—” Emma abruptly stopped speaking. The breath leaving her lungs completely in an unforgivable and involuntary sob. A gasp came from behind the bag. 

“Are you crying?” She asked, stunned. 

“G-God, I hate this.” Emma said, rolling her eyes and hiccuping even as tears came in heavier. What the fuck was happening to her? Emma kicked the bag hard with her foot and her sister-in-law jumped back, dropping her hand from Emma’s shoulder entirely. The wound on her left foot was still healing and putting weight on it caused sharp pains. Yet she kicked again, hoping it would bring relief.

“I don’t want to feel this way. I didn’t ask to feel this way. This is why I told him to stay away from me.” Emma grunted and kicked harder at the bag which was started swinging. 

“I told him I didn’t want to be friends. I told him. He insisted on it. He wouldn’t leave it alone. He said—” Emma kicked the bag as it swung in her direction again and the force of her foot colliding with the bag knocked her on her butt. 

Emma gave up, laying down on the mat with a soft thud and throwing her arms over her face. Tears fell freely down her temples and into her hair while her body visibly shook with sobs. 

She felt Mary Margaret sit down and her head was moved into her sister-in-laws lap. Hands stroked her hair softly and Emma realized she hadn’t felt this kind of affection since…ever. No one, not even Ruth had ever even witnessed this sort of emotional meltdown in Emma. No one had been there to respond at all. 

Come to think of it, Emma couldn’t remember the last time emotions were so strong that they manifested into physically painful aches. 

This made her cry harder and she knew that Mary Margaret was crying too because of the sounds she could hear in-between her own sobs. 

 

 

_“James.”_

__

_Her mind was racing but it couldn’t compute the scene in front of her. James actually was alive after all these years but that he was here, standing in the foyer in Killian’s house._

__

_The sound of glass breaking startles Emma and she stumbles, crying out when something sharp pierces her foot. The wine glass is shattered and if the throbbing pain is any indication, a large piece is now lodged in the pad of her foot just behind her pinky toe._

__

_“Fuck!” She hisses._

__

_“Emma,” Killian starts toward her but she holds up a hand to stop him._

__

_“Don’t.”_

__

_Killian stops but the concerned look on his face only serves to rile her up and she tears her eyes away._

__

_“You,” Emma says to James. The trace of the smirk is still there but he also manages to look slightly worried as he sees the blood trickling out from where she is standing._

__

__

_“Come on, punk. That’s a lot of blood. At least let me help you sit down.” James also makes to move toward her but Emma stands up straighter, fury in her eyes._

__

__

_“Don’t even think about coming near me, you asshole.” James holds his hands up in surrender.  
“Obviously I don’t have all the details of this situation but neither of you is laying a hand on me.” _

__

__

_Emma attempted to lift her foot. Hissing through her teeth she stopped just as quickly and closed her eyes._

_“Scarlett!” Emma called out, “Get your ass in here now.”_

__

__

_Will wasn’t far. Judging by the sounds of his footsteps, he had been eavesdropping in the kitchen. Luckily that meant he needed little direction and with a furtive look at Killian, he lifted Emma’s arm over his shoulder and helped her to the couch._

__

__

_“Will,” Killian’s tone was clipped as he addressed him. “Go to my room and get a damp washcloth and the bandages from the bathroom closet.” Will nodded and started to leave. Killian eyed the tiny glistening pieces of glass and called out, “And tweezers!”_

__

__

_“Right-o!”_

__

__

_“All right well, this has been fun—” James rubbed his palms together and began to back toward the door._

__

__

_“Are you fucking kidding me?” Emma’s voice was low._

__

__

_The silence that followed was heavy and punctured only by the distant sounds of Will rummaging in the bathroom. “You’re not leaving until you tell me where you’ve been for the last ten years.”_

__

__

_James ignored her, zipping up his jacket and turning around without a word. Killian stopped him with a hand to his chest when he reached for the door._

__

__

_James snorted at him, “What’s this? Thought I wasn’t welcome, Jones.”_

__

__

_“You aren’t welcome in my house. But you will stay and answer her questions.” Killian said._

__

__

_“I don’t need your help.” Emma said from the couch._

__

__

_Killian ignored her and threw the deadbolt on the front door, continuing to stare evenly at James._

__

__

_“I don’t owe either of you anything.” James said._

__

__

_“Speaking as the person who buried your father and mother, I would say the least you could do is answer a goddamn question.” Emma scooted up from her position on the couch, snatching the wet wash cloth from Will as he came back into the room. She pressed the cloth to her wound and glared unwavering at James._

__

__

_James’ features hardened, “Yeah well I took care of the drunk for years before you came on the scene and my mother abandoned me for my brother well before that. Whatever burden you took on is part of your own martyr complex. Don’t pin that on me.”_

__

__

_Killian looked ready to interrupt but deferred his gaze to Emma. Her eyes drifted down from him and back to her foot where she continued to wipe up her blood._

__

__

_“How long have you been in L.A.?”_

__

__

_“I’m bored, Em. Stop with the questioning and tell your boyfriend to get out of my way.” James said._

__

__

_“Why are you in this house tonight?” She persisted, raising her voice. Her eyes flicked over Killian and back to James._

__

__

_James rolled his eyes, “Ran into Will out on the town. The bastard knows he owes me money and said he had it back at his place.” James gestured at the room. “Walked in the door and ran into another old friend of mine—what are the odds? Was told to get the fuck out, only to then be locked inside and forced to stay. The end.”_

__

__

_“How do you know Killian?” Emma asked._

__

__

_“That’s a question for your lover, I’m done walking down memory lane. See you around, Em.” James walked around Killian, unlatched the deadbolt and turned back._

__

__

_“And Scarlett—you have until tomorrow to get me that cash. I won’t forget and I will hunt you down if I have to. Night-night all.”_

__

__

_The slamming of the door echoed in her brain for almost a whole minute and Emma tried to figure out what, if anything, she had learned from the conversation. Of all the things in her life left unresolved, James was one that really bothered her. More than her parents._

__

__

_Meeting him tonight and finally getting to ask the questions she was dying to ask left her feeling even more empty. The conversation revealed that some part of her, some minuscule part of her brain thought maybe James had a good reason for leaving. Maybe he didn’t mean to abandon her._

__

__

_In reality, he didn’t care at all. And she was humiliated to realize that even a part of her believed he would._

__

__

_Emma’s head snapped up at the sound of the front door opening. Will's hand is on the door ready to leave but Killian grabs him by the collar._

__

__

_“Oh no you don’t. You brought that bastard into my home. Do you understand and how fucked up that is, Scarlett?”_

__

__

_“Honest Killian. I had no idea he was back. I ran into him at a game and panicked. I owed him when I left Vancouver. Couldn’t pay him. None of my gigs have paid out big enough since. I kept playing hands to try to make up the difference but I-I wasn’t thinking—how was I supposed to know you’d be back early?” Will put his hands on Killian’s arms trying to pull away._

__

__

_“I told you to keep that shit away from me.” Killian growled, bringing Will back in and shaking him by the shirt with his fists. The fury on his face made him look more dangerous than Emma had ever seen him. “Did you not think, bringing him into my home might be the very meaning of involving me, you sodding fool?”_

__

_Shame crumpled Will’s face and he started to sob. “I’m sorry, Killi. I’m so sorry. I’m in so fucking deep right now I just—I ain’t thinking, am I? I don’t know what to do, mate. I fucked up so fucking bad this time. I can’t pay it back. I can’t.” Will’s sobbing grew louder and Killian snatched Will by the jaw, his fingers tightening around the quivering chin—_

__

_“Killian.”_

__

_He stilled._

__

_Slowly, his back muscles started to relax. His breathing was still heavy but he unfurled his fists from Will’s shirt and released his face. Will fell to his knees. He wasn’t sobbing anymore but he looked completely chewed up._

__

__

_“Will, where have you been sleeping?” Emma asked._

__

__

_“Guest bed or couch. Only way Killian wouldn’t know I had been here.” Will stared at the ground, despondent as he wiped his face. Killian clenched his fist but stayed quiet, letting Emma steer the conversation._

__

__

_“Cat’s out of the bag on that one. You’ve been evicted from your apartment?”_

__

__

_Will nodded._

__

__

_“Might as well go back to the guest bed tonight then.”_

__

__

_Will looked at Emma in disbelief and then at Killian. Killian was brooding, grinding his palms into his eyes. “Yes, fine. But on conditions. Tomorrow you will sit down and write out every bloody penny you owe to every one of those sodding low-lives. I want names and amounts. If I ever see another one of them on my property—if they follow you here, you’ll leave me no choice but to throw you out. Is that clear?”_

__

__

_“I will, Killian. I’ll write it down.”_

__

__

_“Second, starting tomorrow, you work for me. You will help me build walls, fix plumbing, paint trimming—my choosing. I will pay you and provide room and board. In turn, you will use that money to pay back every loan shark on your list until your debts are resolved.”_

__

__

_Will gulped but nodded._

__

__

_“Third. You will not leave the house unless it is with me, Robin or your agent—”_

__

__

_“Agent dropped me.” Will was back on the verge of hysterics. “Three weeks ago now. That’s when things got bad.”_

__

__

_Killian cursed. “Fine. We will look for a new agent for you. Still, you are not to leave the house unless it is with me or Rob and only to go to auditions, meetings or a support group.”_

__

__

_The pained look on Will’s face made Emma unsure this would end well but eventually he nodded again._

__

__

_Will wiped hard at his eyes and got to his feet._

__

__

_“I’m sorry Kil. I-I ju…thanks mate.”_

__

__

_Killian gave him a stiff nod and Will disappeared around the corner. Emma went back to her task, gingerly wiping blood from her skin._

__

__

_She looked around for a moment and then picked up the tweezers Will left on the couch. Scooting closer to the lamp light, Emma tried to maneuver the bottom of her foot into her field of vision, cussing when she couldn’t see it._

__

__

_“Love, please—” Killian started to walk toward her._

__

__

_“No!” Emma whipped her head around, hair flying around her face. Killian stopped again, clenching his jaw._

__

__

_“Swan, you can’t get this on your own. Will you please just—” Killian was almost to her now but the coldness in her eyes stopped him again._

__

__

_“You lied to me. You’ve been lying to me.” She was quiet. He almost didn’t hear her. Despite her foreboding gaze, Killian dropped to his knees and knelt before her. His hands twitched, longing to touch her but didn’t dare._

__

__

_“Emma, I never meant—”_

__

__

_“He was in Vancouver with you. You’ve known him since before you knew me.” Emma said. Her voice was cold and she stared down at him kneeling on the floor. “You told me that you barely knew anything about him. I told you about him within the first month of even knowing you and you said you barely knew anything.”_

__

__

_Killian looked ashamed again. “And I meant that. I didn’t know anything about him except what David and Mary Margaret said—not really.”_

__

__

_Emma’s voice was getting louder, “But really you had a long fucking history. Vancouver, Killian? God I'm such an idiot—”_

__

__

_“He was my dealer, Swan.” He was breathing heavy as he stared at her intensely.  
“When I needed a fix, I called James.” _

__

__

_Emma glared at him._

__

__

_“We weren’t friends. There was no camaraderie there. I would attempt to get sober and inevitably I would hear from James again.”_

__

__

_“Oh so he was the devil on your shoulder? The reason you couldn’t get clean—” Emma snarled, turning away from him._

__

__

_“Enough.” Killian snapped. He was on his knees before her, grasping her by the thighs, he twisted her to face him. Their eyes were level with each other. Killian waited until she was looking him before speaking._

__

__

_“My actions are my own, Swan. I confessed to you already that it’s my own sodding weaknesses that make me an addict. James was just doing his job. He needed to move his product so he rang up his clients, past or present. ”_

__

__

_Emma pushed on his chest, but he wouldn’t move. “I confided in you. I told you about him. I don’t talk to anyone, Killian.”  
She pushed him again but fisted his shirt in her hand when he didn’t move. Her insides were breaking. “But I told you. I gave you so much of myself, don’t you get it?” The cracks in the illusion of their relationship were finally bursting under the weight of this. It was too much. Tears welled in her eyes and Emma shut them quickly, hoping to conceal them. _

__

__

_“I know.” His voice cracked and despite her insistence that he not touch her, he found himself cradling her face in his hands. “I know. And I’m sorry, Emma. I have no adequate excuse. Nothing will change that I hid that from you, but I was going to tell you about him. I knew in New York that when I came home I needed to tell you everything. Everything about my past and then everything I knew about his whereabouts since I met him in Vancouver. Will you believe that?”_

__

__

_Emma squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head trying to keep the tears at bay._

__

__

_Killian spoke with a touch of desperation. “Please listen. When you told me about him, you made him out to be some sort of savior, Emma. He rescued you from a life without love or family. James gave you a roof over your head, a job, a father, and a brother. And eventually another brother. Ruth. Mary Margaret too. He gave you a home.”_

__

__

_His eyes searched her face imploringly but she wouldn’t allow herself to open her own. Killian continued, whispering, “How could I hear that and still tell you that for me James represented every coin toss in my path to sobriety? That every time he called, I wondered if I would be strong enough to resist when it would be far easier to give in? How could I tell you all of that knowing what he meant to you?”_

__

__

_Killian brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “James is not a monster, but he had the ability to strike utter fear into my very being. He was the representation of my own path to self-destruction and I grew to hate him for it.”_

__

__

_Emma’s face was exhibiting physical pain. The information was too much and her head was hurting. The glass in her foot shifted and she cried out, quickly lifting it from the ground again.  
With a cautious look at her, Killian slowly moved onto the couch next to her under the lamp light. Gently he pulled her feet in his lap and then paused, waiting for a protest. _

__

__

_Emma squeezed her eyes shut but didn’t stop him. Killian picked up the tweezers and inspected her foot._

__

__

_“Shit.” He cursed. “This is going to hurt, Swan. I can see a large piece and few smaller bits caught up in the wound. I’ll be as gentle as possible.”_

__

__

_Emma didn’t respond. Killian hesitated, licking his lips and taking a breath. “I’m going to get the smaller pieces first and then take the big one out last. I’m worried the smaller bits will fall deeper into the wound if I take the biggest out now.”_

__

__

_Emma nodded. Killian took a notepad from the table and put the first pebble of glass on it. She was stoic through the removal of the next two pieces._

__

__

_“I think that’s all the little bits.” She started to breathe deep through her nose and blew it out through her mouth. “Big one now.” Emma nodded._

__

__

_“One…two—” Killian yanked and Emma growled, gripping his arm abruptly. An inch long glass splinter landed on the notepad. The blood seeped into the paper and Killian inspected the wound, blowing on it as blood filled the cavity and dripped down the ball of her foot._

__

__

_Emma’s grip on his arm loosened but she closed her eyes and rested her forehead on his shoulder while he gingerly swiped with the washcloth and then disinfectant. Picking up the bandages, Killian was diligent about his efforts and taped the gauze with a light touch. He slowed as he finished, willing the moment of peace to extend beyond his ministrations. His hands lingered on her ankles, stroking the skin there._

__

__

_Emma pressed her forehead further into his shoulder. The exhaustion, the pain, both physical and emotional, and her inability to figure out what she was feeling weighed on her chest. It was better if she stayed still. Once she started moving, she would have to make some sort of decision and that wasn’t remotely appealing._

__

__

_Killian turned toward her and, risking her wrath, lightly tugged her onto his lap completely. With an arm wrapped around her back, Killian cradled her head into his chest. He weaved his hand into her hair and pressed a kiss to her head._

__

__

_“I am sorry for this evening, Emma. Of all the ways I imagined telling you, this is the last way I would have ever wanted it to happen. I don’t have an excuse for keeping it from you. I only have my own shame and fear—I was afraid that if you knew about my past, you would walk out of my life. It was completely selfish and unfair to you. If I could go back, I would.”  
Killian spoke the soft words into her hair and Emma listened to them reverberate in his chest. _

__

__

_She wasn’t sure why she continued to let him hold her. The effort it would take to pull away seemed too great and despite her justified anger, Emma couldn’t deny that she did understand why he did what he did. Emma wasn’t any more eager to share her past with him and hers didn’t seem half so complicated anymore._

__

__

_Buoyed by the fact that she remained in his arms, Killian ran his hand through her hair, taking more liberties by leaning against the back of the couch and wrapping her further into his chest. Tucking her head under his chin, she breathed his scent in. It was comforting to be in his arms again. The rollercoaster of distrust that she had gone through this evening finally seemed to be settling down._

__

__

_Emma wrapped her hand around his cheek and directed his focus down on her face. “You swear to me that you were going to tell me?”_

__

__

_Killian’s face is just as somber as he looks into her eyes and nods, “Aye. Tonight.”_

__

__

_Emma searched his eyes for signs of a lie. Finding nothing there but earnest truth, she let go of his face and curled up again. Something was nagging at her but her mind was overworked already and she was having trouble finding the source._

__

__

_Seeing the look of consternation on her face, he asked, “What are you thinking about, love? Please ask me whatever you need.”_

__

__

_What did she need? Space probably. Sitting his lap was only confusing her and potentially misleading him. Emma wanted him more than she was willing to admit but this would take time and space to accept and forgive. She needed to go home. If she was lucky, Mary Margaret and David would already be asleep and she would be able to slip in unnoticed._

__

__

_David. Emma stiffened where she sat. Killian noticed and for the briefest moment, his grip on her tightened. He released her so she could scoot backward to the other end of the couch._

__

__

_“David,” she started. Killian’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at his hands and waited for her to continue._

__

__

_“Does David know?”_

__

__

_Killian met her gaze and nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line._

__

__

_Emma felt her rage renew itself, simmering into a boil as she started to get to her feet. Killian followed her limping form as she walked toward the hall, firing questions over her shoulder._

__

__

_“How long has he known?”_

__

__

_“As long as he and I have been friends.” Killian said and watched her disappear into his room, following her._

__

__

_She let out a mixture of a frustrated growl and a yell and snatched up her dress from the ground, throwing it onto the bed._

__

__

_“Of course he did. He fucking knew. He knew where James was, knew he was alive but didn’t tell me.” Emma was throwing clothes aside, trying to find her shoes under Killian’s discarded formal wear._

__

__

_“I cannot believe you two. What were you doing, sitting around talking about strategy to keep this from me?” She said from the ground where she was wrestling a stiletto out of the button down shirt it was caught in._

__

__

_“It wasn’t like that, Emma. When I first told Dave, he was enraged about it. He and James had their own issues and he was pissed as hell that James up and abandoned you only to end up a drug pusher in a different country. I didn’t ask him if he planned to tell you—it wasn’t my business at the time. I didn’t know you and I had no loyalties to you.”_

__

__

_Killian was raising his voice as well over the din of her throwing his things around. “What are you even looking for now?”_

__

__

_“My purse. I’m calling a Lyft.” She huffed, throwing his suit jacket to the side and finding her purse._

__

__

_“Please don’t. I will drive you, Swan. You can yell at me the entire car ride.” Killian offered._

__

__

_Emma glowered at him. “I don’t want to be near you right now.”_

__

__

_“Emma please—” Killian said._

__

__

_“Don’t you get it? I am angry with you. I have every right to be angry with you. You and David were just orchestrating all this shit behind my back—do you not understand that James was my brother too? Fuck Killian. You said it yourself—I didn’t have anyone until James came along. Don’t you think that of everyone, I should have been in the know?” Emma wiped angry tears from her face._

__

__

_Killian ran a stressed hand through his hair and sat down on the bed. “Yes.”_

__

__

_That was all he said._

__

__

_After a couple minutes of silence she opened her purse and typed into her phone. Killian finally looked up at her, staying her movement with his hand._

__

__

_“At least let me drive you.”_

__

__

_Emma looked at his eyes, so full of regret and sadness. It made her angry all over again. Why should he get to feel so sad when she was the one who has been lied to this whole time? Why should he get to be the recipient of her comfort?_

__

__

_She pushed his hand away again._

__

__

_“I don’t need your help to talk to my brother. Either one. Don’t follow me.”_

__

__

_Emma left the room. He heard the front door open and slam shut again._

__

__

_Killian sat on his bed for a full minute. Then, grabbing his suit pants and fishing the keys out of the pocket, he followed her through the front door._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've come a long way, with a long way to go to clean it up. 
> 
> Bless all the people who can actually be this articulate in the midst of their own anger--you are the lucky ones.


	13. The Other Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we experience rock bottom with the tiniest swell of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's been a minute. 
> 
>  
> 
> No beta, barely even looked it over when I finished it. My dedication to perfection is lacking.

Emma was cursing under her breath at the Lyft driver for every turn he made. “If you take this street, it will shave off traffic time.” She said impatiently, pointing down a side street on the right.

“I go where the GPS takes me.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “The GPS is taking you the long way around. Do you want to make money, guy? You need turnover. Just trust me here.”

“Listen—I’ve done that before and the person didn’t know where they were going. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t want to fuck with that right now.” He said, his tone was curt but he was clearly trying to salvage some kind of tip from the experience—a small part of Emma respected that. 

Another part of her was enraged and anxious knowing that Killian would get there first. He would probably warn David and they would both try to talk her down before she could say her piece. It was that emotional pull that led to her cussing under her breath again. 

As they finally pulled into the drive, Emma saw Killian perched on the trunk of his parked car. His elbows rested on his knees and his face was buried in his hands. A pang of sadness struck through her stomach at the sight. 

He hadn’t gone inside at least. 

He had also helped David keep a secret from her for a year. 

Emma left the car and watched the Lyft back out of the drive for something to do while she gathered her thoughts again. The long car ride had helped to quell some of the initial anger but without the emotional hurricane propelling her to action, the pain of it all was edging back in. 

Killian watched her furtively.

“Did you warn David already?” Emma asked, leaning heavily on her uninjured foot. 

Killian’s brows furrowed and he shook his head. 

For a moment she thought about moving closer to him. But even as she thought it, she remembered all the times she called David during her year away. All the times he talked about his time with Killian and how great it was to feel like he could connect with another guy. He found the brother he wanted. 

At the time, Emma was happy for him. Jealousy over being replaced aside, she was happy David found that camaraderie with a guy—they both knew that the relationship with James was past salvaging after high school. But now it felt like David and Killian were plotting to keep her in the dark. Plotting to control her life. 

Her stomach was knotting up again and Killian watched her armor harden before his eyes. 

“Go home, Killian.” She turned toward the doors and began to hobble forward. 

He stayed close, trailing her to the front door. His eyes were trained on her feet in case she stumbled. “Can’t do that, Emma. I helped create this problem and I won’t leave. Not now.” 

Emma huffed and got out her keys. The house looked dark but there was a glow coming from the den. Emma delivered one last warning glare to Killian, silently telling him to leave. He merely quirked an eyebrow and gestured for her to lead the way. 

They found David and Mary Margaret cuddled on the couch in front of a movie. David was sleeping but Mary Margaret sat up at the sight of them, confusion furrowing her features and she yawned. “What’s going on? Emma where did you go tonight?” 

David blinked a couple times and groaned. 

Emma didn’t answer. She stood, arms crossed and watched her surrogate brother struggle to wake up and get his bearings. 

Mary Margaret’s eyes shifted to Killian who stood a little behind Emma. “Killian what’s going on?”

Killian gave her a solemn shake of his head and turned back to Emma. 

“Emma?” David asked finally. He sat up a little straighter now, realizing both Mary Margaret and Killian were watching Emma.

As he looked her up and down, taking stock of the situation he asked, “Who’s clothes are you wearing?” David asked, a protective edge to his voice as his eyes landed on Killian again.

“Guess who I saw tonight?” Emma asked.

“Are you two—“ David pointed between the two of them. 

“You knew where James was?” Emma asked. Her voice was quieter than she meant for it to be. She pressed her lips together to keep any unwanted emotions from slipping out. David looked more confused than ever and turned his head deliberately to pop his neck before saying a croaky, “What?”

“James. You have known where he was all this time. Haven’t you?” Emma said. 

David visibly gaped, his grog seeming to lift as he sat forward and his eyes flicked to Killian who still stood behind her.

“James?” Mary Margaret interjected, “Your brother, James?” Mary Margaret looked between the two blondes. David stared at Emma now, his face slowly growing more stern with his thoughts. “I did.” 

“What is going on?” Mary Margaret asked the room. No one responded. 

“So you knew and you didn’t tell me.” Emma said, eyes unwavering from David’s.

David remained impassive, his response eerily similar to his own twin brothers’ reaction earlier in the evening. 

“How long have you known?” Emma said. The emotion barely kept at bay. 

David heaved a sigh, “Listen Emma. I know you are mad but you don’t understand—“

“Just answer the question.” Emma said, arms tightening over her chest. 

David opened his mouth, “Emma. This is getting blown so far out of proportion—” 

“Dave.” Killian cut him off. 

“You know where James is?” Mary Margaret said, speaking quietly from the couch. For the first time, David looked fearful and turned to see his wife still curled up on the cushion. Only now there was a rigidness to her posture that he hadn’t seen in her before. He tried to look at her face but she wouldn’t meet his gaze.

David turned back to Killian and Emma, both still in front of him. Emma was stood tall with her arms crossed over her chest and a stoic sort of rage in her eyes. Killian was ashen-faced.

David’s focus shifted and settled on his adoptive sister and he didn’t waiver. At least he knew exactly where he stood with her at the moment.

“It was one of the first things Killian told me.” He said, crossing his own arms. “That day he came to our house to apologize after our double date and he had that black eye. I told you that was the day we became friends. One of the things we talked about is that he didn’t like me because he didn’t know if I was going to be just like my twin brother. Naturally the conversation went on from there and he told me what he knew about James.” 

“And were you ever planning to tell me?” Emma asked, the impatience hot in her voice.

“I did what I thought was best.” David began again. 

Emma was shaking her head already. 

“You knew that it was eating away at me to have no idea what happened to him. You were the only person who knew how much it worried me to think he was out there alone.”

“Emma, he was obviously deep into a bad crowd. And for all we know, he could’ve been into much worse. What were you going to do about it? Go chase him down? Force him to go back to Tallahassee? Make him go back to a home that didn’t exist anymore?” David said, raising his voice. 

Emma stepped closer as well so the only thing between them was the coffee table and she raised her voice as if she hadn’t been interrupted, “You don’t know anything about that home because you left it. You and your stupid brother both left. You aren’t so different from each other, are you?”

“I would never abandon you like he did!” David shouted at her, getting to his feet. 

“No, instead you will just lie to me over and over for two fucking years!” Emma screamed back at him.

“I wasn’t lying to you! I didn’t tell you about James because there was nothing to say. I didn’t think it would be very productive to tell you that James abandoned his responsibility to you so he could go become some asshole drug dealer north of the border!” Spit flew out of his mouth at this point but his chest was heaving with anger still even as he wiped at his mouth with his forearm. 

“God, you are so arrogant! You are saying all this as if you saved me from some great pain. You haven’t saved me from shit! All this time I thought he was probably dead in a ditch somewhere. Instead of telling me the truth, you chose what was ‘best’ for you. But it isn’t about you. He was my family too! He was my family before you were. ” 

Angry tears were trailing down her cheeks but she continued, “I was the last person to talk to him. I was the one who had to tell your dad that he was gone. I was the one who should’ve known what he was about to do. I saw the signs that he would run but I didn’t do anything. All this time I thought he was dead and that it was somehow my fault for not figuring it out sooner—“

“I would never do that, Emma. I wasn’t trying to lie to you. I was just trying to protect you from more hurt, that’s all.” David said. 

“But you didn’t. All you’ve done is lie to me and keep me in the dark. You didn’t let me make any decisions for myself. You kept me out—just like your brother. You roped Killian into it, on top of that.” She felt Killian’s eyes on her but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Her anger was mostly reserved for David but it was still tangled up with Killian’s sins for the time being. “You don’t trust me, you don’t respect me and it wasn’t your right to decide. Did you ever even think about telling me?” 

David took his time before answering. “No.” 

Emma stepped back, finally breaking her gaze away from him and sitting in the armchair behind her. It was incredibly late and at this point it seemed like the sunrise was right around the corner. Emma ran her hands over her eyes and cheeks, eventually cradling her whole head in her hands. Her blond hair flopped forward like a curtain over her face. 

Killian watched but didn’t move to touch her again. Emma was silent for so long that he almost wondered if she had retreated so far into her head that she would never speak to them again. 

 

It was Mary Margaret who broke the silence, “David, I think you need to go.” 

David gaped at his wife. She still wouldn’t meet his eyes as she got to her feet. Emma raised her head from her hands to look at her friend. 

The pillow that had been resting in her lap was dropped on the couch and the brunette stood on shaky legs for a moment, inhaling a deep breath before continuing, “Maybe you don’t realize but it wasn’t just Emma you’ve been lying to. I don’t know that I’ve ever looked at you and doubted that you were telling me the truth. To know that you have been keeping this from me for the past two years makes me feel more unsafe with you than I ever thought was possible.” Tears finally started to pour down her cheeks. 

A couple gasping sobs punctured her words but she finally looked into her husbands face and said, “I have been sitting here, thinking about every conversation we’ve had since we met Killian and just wondering how many times you chose to lie to me as well as Emma.” David looked nothing short of desperate at this point but he couldn’t seem to speak. 

Mary Margaret took one more shuddering breath, “Emma is staying in her room still and I think I would prefer if you left for a while. Give us both some space.” 

She turned away from him and left the room, running a hand over Emma’s hair as she left. 

David watched her leave the room, his face screwed up in concentration as he tried to figure out the best next move. He glanced at Killian and Emma, neither of whom looked at him and left to follow Mary Margaret. 

Killian perched himself on the coffee table opposite her. The events of the evening were all jumbled in his head like a great cacophony of noise that overwhelmed any sensible thought he might have had. Occasionally she would glance up from where her eyes were trained on the floor and see him still sitting there. 

It was still a long time before either of them spoke. 

“I should probably collect Dave.” Killian said from his perch on the coffee table, “Take him home with me for a bit.” 

Emma looked at him. Her eyes reflected the sadness and fatigue of the evening back. Killian took a hesitant step toward her. When she looked away from him, he took a step back and sat down again.

“I understand things are a bit broken right now. I am sorry to have played a part in the breaking. I am especially sorry for the hurt and pain it has caused you. Going forward, I will give you the space you have been asking for. Just…” he stalled for a moment, pinching the bridge of nose in indecision. “Please know that while I am giving you space, it doesn’t mean I am moving on. I meant it that I want to see this through with you.”

Emma sighed, weariness covering her features, “Killian I told you I don’t want you waiting on me—“

“And I told you that I would have you in my life in any capacity that you will have me.” Killian got to his feet again and continued, “I will respect your wishes and give you all the space you need. All I ask is that you know I am still here when or if you want to talk again.” 

Emma acknowledged his declaration with the slightest of head nods and Killian left the room. 

 

 

And I told you that I would have you in my life in any capacity that you will have me…the words continued to cycle through her thinking space over and over a week later. She and her sister-in-law, still sitting on the mats of the training space after a thorough sob fest. Emma could have cringed. This was too far emotionally--even for the safe of Mary Margaret.

Still, they sat there holding each other, Emma's head rested in her sister's lap. She heard rather than saw that Mary Margaret had calmed down as well as her breath seemed to steady. 

The sweat from the workout dried on her skin and she felt grimy and sore but the knot in her chest seemed to have loosened a little. 

Mary Margaret spoke first, suggested ordering take out and Emma agreed. 

 

 

“Emma. What is going on with you and Killian?” 

They stood at the counter, silent as they picked through the Chinese food cartons with forks.

“Nothing.” 

“Please don’t do that. Don’t make me hunt down the truth. It’s just you and me right now, we are on the same side here and I have lost just as much in this.” Mary Margaret sniffed again, her emotions cranking up.

Emma put a hand on over her arm. “Look M. This is…difficult and I don’t know what to say.”

“Were you two dating in secret?” 

“No.” Emma answered. 

“Were you sleeping together, then?”

Emma shook her head, not meeting Mary Margaret’s eyes. 

“Well if you two are platonic you were at his house very late and came home wearing his clothes.” She said hotly. 

Emma put her head in her hands as she leaned on the counter.

“Something is going on. Please don’t keep it from me anymore. We’ve both had enough of that lately.”

“I know. I haven’t wanted to say anything because I didn’t know to feel about it yet. Now everything is blown up and I’m just trying to keep my head above the bullshit. But I…I do want to tell you about it.” Emma said. 

To her credit, her sister-in-law managed to stay quiet while Emma gathered her thoughts. 

“We…Killian and I have just been friends for the last few months,” Emma started, her hand idly stirring the noodles in front of her. “Obviously he’s a client…I don’t make it a regular thing to befriend our clients, either but…I don’t know. It just happened…” Emma trailed off again. 

Mary Margaret, already struggling to clamp her jaw shut during the several pauses during the last two minutes, made another effort to keep herself from blurting out her next question but her voice was audibly strained on the delivery; “What 'just happened'? Something happened with Killian?” 

Emma flinched. 

“No. I mean, yes but no. We just…we would talk a lot. Not just during training but afterward too. I would stay late to swim or he would offer to share his dinner with me. Killian has been a good friend to me and I…” Emma sighed, "It's not a huge deal or anything but..." 

She hid behind her own hands so her next words were muffled, “We kissed, August and I broke up and then the other night I got to first base with Killian in his car.” 

“Oh my God.” Mary Margaret said, “Ruby’s head is going to explode.” 

Emma groaned, still hidden behind her hands. “No, it’s not. She isn’t going to find out. Besides, nothing is happening. We both thought things might work but…everything is so messy and I should have known better. Killian lied to me.”

“I thought he did tell you everything?” Mary Margaret looked confused. 

Emma contemplated her options but ultimately decided someone should know the extent of her relationship with Killian. Maybe telling it to someone would actually help her detangle it. 

With another sigh, Emma backtracked through the whole evening--minus the car ride home--going over the details of their conversation by his pool. The drugs, the rehab, the bare mention of a deceased brother and all the way up to the point of his newfound sobriety. When it was over, Mary Margaret blew an exaggerated breath out. “And then James was there?” 

“Yes. Killian said he was going to tell me about James that night. I guess that is the last piece that he wanted to talk about before we were done. But then James was there and Killian was yelling at him. Then I dropped a glass, promptly impaled my foot on it, tried to get up to speed on the newest chapter of the telenovela I stumbled into and then just as quickly, James was walking out the door again without ever really saying anything. 

"Without even an acknowledgement that he once knew me. Or that he might have ever considered me a friend. There I was thinking that he must be dead when really he was perfectly alive and quite good at tracking people down if he wanted to...I felt so stupid. I wish I didn't. I know he is the asshole, but why do I feel so stupid?”

Mary Margaret reached out and put her hand over Emma’s on the counter, “You didn’t deserve that. I know I don’t know James at all, David has always led me to believe that James is some sort of heartless person. Someone who doesn’t care about anyone except himself. But I also know from everything you ever told me about him that he did care about you. You deserve better from him. Have you thought that maybe it isn't that you feel stupid but maybe you feel a little...exposed?” 

Emma wiped away the tear tracking down her cheek and shrugged off her words. Mary Margaret pursed her lips and chose a new line of questioning.

“Have you heard from Killian?” 

She shook her head and felt as though her chest was constricting again as she spoke. “No. But he told me he was going to give me time. Time and space for now. He is leaving the ball in my court.” 

“Oh.” Mary Margaret picked at her food before adding, “I hope he doesn’t do that for long. I will never forgive his sorry ass if he lets you get away.” 

Emma let out a small laugh that surprised them both. “Jesus. You are such a romantic sap sometimes, MM. Sometimes the guy doesn't chase the girl. Sometimes he respects her wishes and leaves her alone like an adult.” Emma tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone as best as possible. 

Mary Margaret blushed deeper now, looking sheepish. 

“Wait a minute,” Emma started, her eyes narrowing. “You look very guilty. I take it you’ve heard from David then?” 

The brunette nodded and Emma watched tears fill her eyes. “Every day since he left.” She sniffed and softly ran a dish cloth under her nose. “I haven’t said anything back. Not yet anyway. At first I was too mad to say anything and I was afraid that if I did respond, I would say something awful to him--something I would regret, you know? But now,” she trailed off and looked up at Emma, her eyes clear and large from unshed tears. 

“I miss him so much and I really need for everything to be okay. What he did to you and to me was not right b-but I think I need to start fixing it with him.” She got quieter at the end and Emma felt her heart break a little further. “I just don’t want you to hate me for being weak.” 

Emma pushed their food aside leaned across the counter to put her arms around her sister. “You are not weak. You have to do what you think is right for you. I would never want to hinder you from that." 

"I mean, I won't be talking to him anytime soon but that's between him and me. You're his wife. The rules are different." Mary Margaret shrugged but still looked unsure. 

"For what it's worth, I support you.” This brought another round of tears which only served to make Emma feel even more emotionally wrung out. With one more squeeze, Emma relinquished her hold and they each went back to their meals. 

Neither said much after that, their minds occupied on abstract or hypothetical conversations. Each drifted vaguely into their own wings of the house and settled in for the evening. 

 

Emma paced around her room, her phone hanging loosely in her hand. She didn’t think her sister-in-law was being weak. It takes a lot of courage to try to mend a broken thing. Courage and vulnerability. 

She understood now better than ever why James had not stayed to talk with her that night. Being forced to own up to any wrongdoing or even admitting that he was sorry would show her how much he might have cared. Whoever he was now, he did not want to care about her anymore. 

Facing a reconciliation conversation with David was beyond Emma’s capacity at the moment. The wound was still so fresh and still felt entirely intentional—whatever he told her about his reasons. 

But Killian…she clenched the phone in her hand unconsciously. After all of the words already exchanged, the information and vulnerability already shared—surely after all of that, she could take the step to mend the broken thing. Hadn’t he already said once that he didn’t want to brush over things? Hadn’t he said before he didn’t want to let time pass by and hope it covers any wrongdoing. 

Killian asked for candid honesty from her and he had tried to give her honesty in return—even if it was a little late. The intention was clear and even though everything felt completely tangled, Emma was certain at least that he only wanted the best for her, even if it compromised his good standing to provide it. 

Anticipation swelled her stomach and she chewed on her thumbnail as she unlocked her phone. 

She almost opened her contacts but then caught sight of the date. The movie-the one that she and Killian had been training toward for months-was finally in production. 

Emma started toward the bathroom, striping her clothes away to get in the shower and mull over the possibilities. She could call, sure. They would have a fine conversation about what happened, filled with long pauses and no visible facial expressions and that would be ideal because it wouldn't require Emma to make too big a leap. She could hide behind the mute button again if she got too emotional. She wouldn't need to look at him if the conversation started to go south. 

Or she could make a real gesture and meet him where he was in life. Killian after turning his entire life around, getting sober, working his ass off to become a better man, was now filming the biggest movie of his career. It was as far out of her comfort zone as she could imagine, but damn if Emma wasn't absolutely sure she needed to go show him how proud she was of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully a quicker update in the future - one with lovers reunited, siblings reunited, happy things and all of that. 
> 
> TBD on that tho


End file.
